Not about what I want Lord, I have disobeyed, willingly ignored as if I didn’t hear or know your commands and dishonored your name by my prideful sins throughout this life. Even now standing in the Good Courage of Your Holy Spirit, I must admit my lack of readiness for your presence. Please forgive me, instruct me, allow me the opportunities to choose right over wickedness and Your Will over my own.

This shame was made for me to wear, though even now I know that I will be washed clean of memory and guilt, I respect this pain as it reveals how much I hate offended You Father. In My moments before learning and making change let me reside in the full soul pain of my error that I may remember until necessary the dishonor to Father and Family. I am not that man anymore and don’t ever want to be again.

Grace is not exception of excuse for unGodly behavior of worldly will and impulse. You clearly did not give me this gift that it may cover my sin in continued expression but that it would cover me in Christ’s righteousness that I may be forgiven and remain in Your Presence. This time in the world is precious that I may find shame in what I do and joy in what I do not. After all this is the one chance I have to be conformed to the image of Jesus.

Desperately I want to get it right. Having done so much wrong in the past and even now continuing to err or omit in sin it is my lasting desire to be free of the pestilence and offal of man’s desire. My tears are for humanity to live absent the sins of mankind and our collective/individual past. To live truly as a family in forgiveness and without regret. For none have fallen short and all may remember and understand the pain that You must feel.

Father, I know that I have upset probably more times than is possible to recall. I not only ask forgiveness but sanctification to end this ridiculous process that hurts everyone. Perhaps I should rejoice in this pain as it is the only way and perhaps the evidence of Your Love just as Joy is the evidence of Your Holy Spirit? I certainly do not know everything right now, but this I do know that I want to get it right tonight.

Anticipating the directions God may lead in the coming days. This ministry needs a fixed home port of departure and return, not something that requires maintenance, rents or the exact bills that compete with ministry dollars every month. This ministry requires the readiness flexibility to go when and where the Holy Spirit directs rapidly departing and returning on His Planning and Schedule. It must be in a secure building where ministry supplies and living accommodations may maintain in dry standing for the length of each mission. This small RV is in most ways sufficient but lacks the storage which must be paid for on a monthly basis again creating the wrestling match for limited finances.

The options are clear and the requirements rational and realistic. As I continue to age with no standing legacy it is clear that my capacity to travel God willing will carry endemic challenges that must be accepted and accommodated. Having existed without healthcare for over twenty years is doable but requires a clearer focus on holistic living, eating right, exercising and maintaining peak health baseline as the environments into which I am injected are never healthy. As my veteran’s status is the only pathway to healthcare I must be located in an environment that wherever I go experiencing the flexibility of local care is not only an option but verified with the VA.

Praise Your Holy Name. May Your Will alone be accomplished through any surplus or shortage in conduct of This, Your Ministry. May my Words be consistent with the Bible Truth and may the words of my mouth be tempered, righteous and gentle. We both know Father that this is where I receive the greatest chastisement from my Loving Father. As the World Winds Down Lord may I find a body of believers consistent with Your command for the Body of Christ. May I serve them and in so doing serve You as we sharpen Saints, Conduct this ministry and edify the Body of Christ. Father I am not wanton and know that You will always give me or take from me those things alone that I am meant to have for Your Good Purpose. May my heart always be filled with joy whichever confronts this Shepherd. May I only be alone as You direct, not as my own defense or heart choice, for Your Word says this is not good.

Considering this criteria in my prayers the following is what I ask of God and know that He will always provide something beyond my own imagination. I need a building, covered site with security fence and people living there to keep an eye out for the RV as I lock and leave it to go on missions. Christ is coming back soon. I will allow each of you to define soon in your own vernacular understanding as it is for each of us to determine our own essential readiness. Father God, I need to find the minimal rent, gift or joint ownership of property allowing this Pastor to come and go as You Command. I need Electric, Water, Internet, Sewer and Gas connections that may be maintained in periods of departure and return. Lord I stand in good courage that You will provide for all of my needs in Your Riches and Glory in Christ Jesus. May You attenuate my limited planning and imagination.

Lord please direct and provide for Divine Opportunities to include those that give me work to pay for ministry along the way fully knowing that the relationships will be for Your Good outcomes. We are entering a time where people, PRAISE YOUR NAME are finally investigating what it means to turn their hearts back/toward You. Amen and Amen. We pray to be included in rapture and if we find ourselves left behind during wrath we pray for the endurance to evade, defend against and resist the deception that faces the World. Regardless, may all remain on the Skinny path to You, enduring in Good Faith and Joy all that we must confront in our joint suffering with Christ Jesus. Until we are with You forever let us run this race as we plan to win.

Would you start with once upon a time, a time when things were different? Would you search for large words with multiple meanings so you could please your ambition sector? What plot would you muster, hopefully something that made for hot pages, multiple clicks, re-posts and subscriptions to pay the master of your fame? What picture do you picture on the cover of the book for which you will accept an advance? What if the entire thing being about you is simply narcissistic imagination?

Would you begin with anonymous members, maybe only revealing a little about them to entice the loving acceptance of the viewers? Perhaps, painting yourselves as main character embellishing truths and erasing irascible defects in your projection of greatness? Maybe a love interest too beautiful, wealthy and smart to confess, but we would assure you that it had been pried from your reluctant humility? Would it demonstrate your self release as captive to dangerous enemies of fear and trepidation?

No this one is not going to follow the track of making me a hero. It starts out with a failing marriage, loss of a good job where everyone hated me and moving across the country just to try and save something that I never even had. What’s worse this all happened because I chose a path of my own will instead of listening and waiting upon God’s Direction. Simple conclusion from the outset; never needed to happen. My mistakes would turn to something good but not of my according, only because God promised to turn things to good because I love Him and walk according to His purpose.

There’s no proud fable, no worthy expectation and all the drama surrounding heroic characters, just never happened. I sought attention having determined that the love of God was neither sufficient nor the greatest thing that continued to happen to me every day. I gave up Divine Opportunities to mingle with the loser found in myself and those who needed this emotional cripple to save them from their nightmare. A recipe destined for the trash can at the end of the Kitchen counter.

Exchanged pearls for swine and nearly had to eat the pods I fed them but for God’s timely intervention. He just said, “Let Go”. I understood since this chaos was of my own choosing that I could also choose not to participate and step away. Novel idea to someone who had been trained to stick with things no matter what. This time the best and only answer was retreat, so I listened to God and readied for transition. I didn’t simply choose a different place but having lived through the level 5 hurricane that just hit this place that should not have been my home, I wasn’t forced to leave but the place I was living in was destroyed, so why not?

Start again, over, next iteration, leaving behind the clingy past of my own creation, having never known anything else but rejection, that is what I naturally thought I deserved. The weird thing is the people who I stepped away from held on, that took a while to understand. I hear advice about loving yourself enough not to be in toxic relationships, but this wasn’t that. This was something of the Lord waking me from the unconscious practice of repeating the same insanity because I didn’t know any other script available.

The difference was this time I got to know myself and I didn’t like at all what I saw. Accidental courage, misunderstanding of the measures of Godly character and separation from anything that I loved because nothing loved me. That is not a victims admission just a cold hard fact. No one needed, wanted or absolutely felt compelled to recover me in their lives. That brutal fact was mostly about me and much more about them. The people who had used, berated, bullied, burdened and promised to know love when they were incapable, just as I had been.

Only in the works of God had I found love, real love for the wounded people, the victims, prisoners and vulnerable of this world. Certainly I found them primarily in homeless ministry, but drug, alcohol, family division, bankruptcy, church, every where I went I found people truly in need of healing, forgiveness, love and redemption, me included. For once I didn’t want anything from them and they didn’t have the opportunity to deceive me into believing that they matched the hole in my heart. I cried out to God and met Him, first on my own limited understanding of Sovereign then as I grew I saw His image in me and everyone else.

What would this story be about now that it started out in absolute frailty and the indecision of emotional immaturity? Well, it would be about anything but me or so I thought, because a man cannot escape inclusion in God’s revelation of why he was made. Surrender is a pleasant place when you’ve found even in your most glorious moment the same aspirations and failures that ruined all roads behind. For the longest time it was all I could do to hang on and follow Jesus. I am not saying that I had a clarity of purpose or understanding I only knew that His was the only way to something outside the pains of this existence.

Gradually, that transformed as the healing of God’s hand reshaped me. I began to see ahead of the normal march of this temporary existence. God’s Word, Prayer and the Holy Spirit showed me that I could express the gift of free will choices to navigate the river of my own existence. God let me be part of what He is doing for Creation, because He loves us often more than most people are capable right now of understanding. For years I have been chastised, reconditioned and allowed to make right choices where previously I had no alternative or option.

The loneliness turned to a deeply respectful transformation into a man who was okay by himself. Irony, for that is all I had ever experienced and now it was a strength a peace that came from chatting alone with the Almighty, reading His Word and seeing the people that He allowed me to heal, encourage and bring to the same peace in Jesus. I lost my self defensive posture, designed in desperate times to take out the threats to vulnerability. This man didn’t need them as God fights for me in a spiritual war where carnal weaponry is nothing more than foolish understanding or doubtful faith.

There are heroes in this story, but none emerge from the catacombs of prior need for avatar and escape. Clean, clear and okay with limited resource because there is an internal promise in serving God as anointed. What does Trust in God provide for the human who is always struggling to meet need? Well the Holy Spirit’s patience changes us into people who are rarely wanton. What does that mean the Pharisee said to the centurion. That is what arrives when you believe God’s promises that you find peace in knowing that He will provide all that needs provision, close every wound in exact timing and build in each heart a quest for the eternal. What Story, This One, the One that He is writing in which we are all main characters.

Does the flip top jar of my experiences include allowing people to finish their sentence before declaring that they were never right? It’s uncanny to presume in the pico second flash of my own analysis, something that saved me from the brutal geniuses who would thrash me for disagreement. Is it wrong to know immediately that someone’s argument is frail or that what they are pursuing will not generate the outcome or income they assume? What then when emotional education is added to the mix and cold, eager reduction of Pyrrhic insight become a weapon to shred them before battle or completely de-molecularize their effigy with intention of Dominion? What happens when all the seeming victories turn out to be loss, self imposed exile from the only saving Grace found in humanity, PEOPLE?

A dose of pride can ruin the greatest, most gifted poet, scientist or warrior. For in the assumption that one is always right we open the avenue of opportunity for the singularity of chaos to find the one unique pathway to our self destruction. Is humility then of superior importance when found in youth? This is the truth that we do not venture for it reveals the weakness and dark offal center of the gifted mind unacquainted with the miracle of knowing God. Alexander conquered and wept. Why? Aren’t we the men who all crave absolute victory and Dominion of the Known World? No, for God has shown us something beyond that mastery. Though brilliant, each man was made by God, knowledge of that origin dooms the prideful to a reflection that I will not sling at the Princes and Powers of the Air. For I know them not but in this discovery I see the danger within my own mind and heart. I also see that if not for the Grace of God there go I applies directly to me, right here, right now.

Being Comfortable as a created being I am at peace with a Sovereign All Power God, my Father. I seek to stop the assumption that I am always right, removing the weakness in my armor and surrendering to God the quest to be victor. Knowing God and appreciating Him in His Perfection has set me free and allowed humility to become the greatest asset this man ever possesses. I don’t go around picking apart each argument but rather see the importance of the man before me whether reviewed as wrong in assumptions of intention. This is the opportunity greater than any life achievement of my own amassing. To Love and not need to be right fully embracing that the greatest work my genius could ever do is to use it to direct this person to the God, the greatest Loving Genius ever.

We are expected to contribute to the falsehood that drives our own public incarceration, not within penitentiary but our own homes and gardens. Our schools indoctrinate children with; sin, nonsense, false ideology and pseudo science designed to rob them of a future and the capacity of independent thinking. Why would we ever consider paying someone to do the same?

They have sold youth and filled their hearts and minds not with the righteous and virtuous ideals of Christian Faith but with those developed psychologies and philosophies or fallow ground economics, communism, atheism and wahhabism that destroy nationalism and faith. These are not destinations but steady marches to the cliffs where the evil spirit filled pigs cast themselves to the deep.

Nothing about this supposed Dream is righteous and true, but a quest to master the things of this world’s history that doomed people to; greed, eugenics and contempt for those who are by DNA their Brothers and Sisters. Yet, when anyone attempts to take a step back and refocus on the errors that caused our departures from social sanity those with supposed Power demand their silence.

Why does it take a revolution to right any ship? The only positive outlook is that the revisit to this failed state grants humankind according to God’s Will the opportunity to see his predicament. How many times must we conduct the same experiment with the same factors and intention arriving at identical outcome before we decide to stop the roulette wheel that only stops by command on red?

No one is free from accountability for; self-indulgence, complacency, complicity, lack of circumspect review and cowardice are owned by all. How long must we continue in the same vain pursuits ending at the same imagination and suffering before we do something different. And in all standard and reason if the only thing that worked in our history is a devout pursuit of redemption, humility and attempts to accept and honor the gift God gave US in Jesus. Why oh why are we fighting the only man calling us to return to that positive consideration?

Push back upon the wind and it will recognize you belong, no longer bullying but propelling your vessel forward. Ask questions of the night, revealing its misgivings, tortured by what the light reveals of its fear and perspicacity. Write visions upon the arch ways of time asking that it remember your passing leaving it aware of potency in the temporal.

The way lies ahead, never to the left or right for these are the frailties of the unsure. Rocks do not simply fall allied to gravity or ambition, they stand in permanency to tell all of the Promises understood through lens of time, travel and temperance. What unlocks the doors and passions of men who would venture into world’s yet ventured?

Predators foretold by their path one foot upon the other, eyes set upon prize and prey. The peaceful men never frightens the doe in quest to achieve objective, but builds an aura of protection and lack of threat to innocence. Men stumble in likeness of God when they become the hunter revealing a lack of nuance and over motivated desire for Dominion.

I am not here to master the things of God but to surrender to my acknowledged understanding that the virtues of the Most High are only found in the spaces beyond my ending. What man will find the treasures at quest’s resolution when the starting blocks are yet located and preparation for life’s journey yet undertaken?

Learn that which is necessary for clever is the rodent who simply seeks to outsmart food’s owner. The Patient product of performance is found in the practice of the prudent art of quickening and structure never captured as the night falls around the world. The revelations in splitting light and recording the shadow of objects beyond distance.

In their tedium we find the majesty of love. For what boring man is welcomed or announced at party without amassed; wealth, understanding, commerce or charm? No one waits upon a prophet when their are sinful calls to revel and perform the rituals of sorcerers gathering. They will even ask the dead about a God of the Living.

Inclined to believe that we’ve seen it all when this is nearly the beginning. Anticipating those things that my mind concocts in its own immaturity and ignorance. For man can not imagine the things in store for his Salvation and the concept of eternity evades us in our understanding.

You no longer amaze me in your rhetorical testing of God’s Patience. Challenges all authority in expectation that somehow by some limited stretch of imagination I may achieve some measure of escape from His Will set before me. No, there really is only one way out of this.

In the archive of possibility the mind bends to accommodate the curves in time’s dimension, wrapping around to confront me in base recognition. The only modality available is the death of perception and anticipatory planning. For nothing conforms to my leverage on the real and hazardous.

We esteem many days too soon, believing that the next year’s celebration resides just around the bend in guaranteed administration. My fists clench around the wind as everything dissolves in the belly of my inadequate animalism. I simply could never know without seeing.

What creature bears me aloft? What frame of reference gives my psyche grounding when everything is Morpheus for malleable? To assume the colors of rainbow yet seen and walk on ground made of air seeing through titanium while dreams become real as we find our way homeward.

This day is all I have and even then there are no rules, certainty or surety but that found in Sovereign promise. All others ply and scramble even in divination to simply find themselves present at the shooting of scenes yet recorded. Am I to add caption to conformity or subtitle to moment’s arrival?

What encumbers and threatens man in burden of powerlessness when he realizes the ground of his footing has always been illusion? Characters impotent in the story they thought themselves written? Seeking purchase with no coin, thoughtless with no ground for faith in self.

Yet, here is the return to plausibility. That within a play taken from the mind beyond the realm of abject understanding there stands a man invested by surrender. A man who by the shear unimaginable act of giving up all courage has found more than all men may assemble. Not of self but of Him.

This window looks back upon me, frozen in the complexity of ideas I cannot venture to times that are recorded yet to happen. Folded over in space and punched through dimensions that only wormholes recognize. To emerge on the other side where nothing existed until this very moment I became.

Paranoia, is an unhelpful dose of self defense, however true threats linger and in the escaping balance we are forced to use provocative tools better left stored or forgotten. Trust is that perpetual state of forgiveness and acceptance leaving a cleared tabulator. When that union is established all the old devices must be relinquished and healed.

What is Trust in God Almighty? What is the courage to take the blind step into mental imagery or precipice designed for one purpose; to test reliance? How will God show each of us the way to denial of self if not feeding a constant threat stream to which we apply our own insufficiency repeatedly? How many times must I mistakenly try to protect?

These enemies have powers beyond our comprehension, yet we will face them with razor’s edge or the limited extent of human projection. They are beyond my capacity to restrain and it is my own imagination that leads me into direct contest. Especially, the moot but relentless belief that somehow this time it will turn differently. What was that definition of insanity?

I have been left alone for reasons; some I am reluctant to admit for they reveal the tests and the trials I have been sent to navigate and surrender before God’s Throne of Grace. Alone is a state where I am totally responsible for the hurt I would cause others and the enemies I attempt to face in my own mortal power. How many times will I fail to Trust the Father?

“Can you make fire with the rocks, metal and chaff I have given?”, The Lord Beckons. The Panic dissolves as I use the provision and protections given rather than seeking escape or running to some other savior. Why is this time paramount? What is wrapped within the construct of this unique decade that forces all men to choose or remain indifferent?

That simple analysis points toward to origins of understanding. That. when all else fails I run to God’s robe, forced through overwhelming dilemma to make the decision of confrontation. What is paranoia, a sleepy reminder that I have failed to surrender before the tasks become overwhelming. What is important about this day? It is the day I surrender before the battle.

Into the mist, where fairies make their lair, peeping and preening wings. All the things they never told you because it makes you strong. There is no diminishing fear when standing UN-contorted by siren’s song. All day long waiting for a moment then being paralyzing by it.

What do they want probing the darkness for answers or weapons wayside fallen? Where is the sullen prince hoping to shade his view from intensity? What captures light, but the anomalies of God, passages, tunnels, light enhanced bridges of dimension and time.

We harmonize struggling to open pathways to unfettered knowledge. When everything we need has been promised or duly given. This is no up hill dance two steps out of time. These are the laughing seconds to justify the need for an eternity as we show we may honor it.

Trails blocked to protect the not so innocent from harming themselves with brands, potions and seared flesh from when they shan’t recover. Complexities within the simple mind, well springs of passion uncontrollable within the context of man’s stability or restraint.

We were lent our children for time to perfect our own fear and trembling. Alas we were allowed brief example that we may have mercy upon them in memory. But hands may not capture the rainbow, only sight, dream and recall. For colors run deeper than the sand.

Bicycles borrowed, always forgetting just how difficult the level changes. Too bad that we are not our own, even in service to God for all falter, feign and wander. Even in thought I am lain bare. For as with every willing passenger there are times we pray to jump ship at station.

Pry open a can of the West, with reddened rock, things that bite and nights where milky way’s reside. What flesh may resist the call of wild works standing tall against the cries of night and shade? We were remade to stand inside the circle of light of broad branches.

Too swift the current or repetitive reflection upon untimely weakness. Too strong the call to hope and belief upon things we are tempted to never review. Too immense the fortunes of the universe, outstretched hands, wanton and waiting to find that we should never have.

What is the angst when they do not/will not hear? It is not within my measure to give them access to the Divine, but the power of Spirit. Therefore, I should simply speak the Perfect Word and know that some will either choose not to hear or have no capacity to hear those things which are from heaven. Something within me, not self criticism weeps when they choose that path. I offer it to God in repentance and weep myself for the Lord who is taken for Granted in His magnanimity.

Lord let me gather this understanding. Give me incite that I may have sympathy and gentleness in delivery. I know this is not a thing of my own ability, talent, eloquence of treasure. Only say the word and I will leave it where it lay. Father, my greatest concern is alignment with Your Will for Mankind, offering the Pathway of Singularity through Jesus Christ the Only Good Shepherd, the Twain Man the Torn Veil, our High Priest. May they know Him and He Know them.

We live this life in Sin. No law or vow is held passed the end of this life but severed at death. God is not the God of the Dead but of the living. These are not coy or cute statements but demand logic and understanding. If we die we are separated from God, in Christ Jesus we never perish but have everlasting life, therefore only those that Live are to be with God. How is that done? What is the assurance of faith, not based upon my own effort, achievement or acquisition?

Therefore, We had to die upon that Cross of Calvary with Jesus to set us free from Sin, Hell and Death. Jesus, gave up the GHOST to become All men’s sin and carry them into death that the Law may be severed and we might be freed from the slavery to Sin of this lifetime. However, this is not enough. We must be born again to enter the Kingdom of God. What does it mean to be born again? Why would Jesus command His apostles to stay in Jerusalem until Pentecost to receive the Baptism of Fire, Rebirth?

John the Baptist was clear, even though he himself had been filled in his Mother’s Womb by the Holy Spirit, that Jesus would come after him and bestow those who believed with the Baptism of Fire. Man must be both born of Water and of Fire. We were born through the womb of human birth and must be BORN AGAIN by God’s Holy Spirit to join the Family of God. We must be born of Heavenly Seed to exchange the corruptible with the incorruptible. The Water baptism, though pivotal in its symbolism, recognizes the process of being buried along with Christ Jesus and raised again to eternal life.

Ephesians one tells the importance of the Holy Spirit as the Earnest of our Salvation, the promise of our eventual glorification in Christ. It also imparts a spiritual understanding pivotal to discipleship and navigation in this Fallen World of deception. Without the Seal of the Sprirt we may not even be called Son’s and Daughter’s of God nor bear the Fruits of God that are necessary to be known by Christ. Otherwise we remain in this mortal life and He does not know us as we remain, “Doers of Iniquity” as he calls them in Matthew 7.

How can we born of Heavenly Seed without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. This explains why blaspheming God’s Holy Spirit is the only unforgivable sin. Why was the Temple destroyed? Why was the Temple essential to the Jews? Who did the High Priest meet in the Holy of Holy’s beyond the Veil that has been torn? Who impregnated Mary? Who indwelt Elizabeth, John and Zecharias? What is the Power that those with a form of godliness deny? To be Born again we must enter God’s Plan of redemption, cleansing, sanctification and eventual glorification that is only found in Spiritual Rebirth through God’s Holy Spirit.

Without God’s Spirit we won’t know Truth. We won’t have spiritual understanding, God’s Fruits and Characteristics and we certainly won’t brandish the protection of God’s Armor. Pulling the Sword of the SPIRIT of God’s Word from which the enemy must flee requires that we are the Temple of God’s Holy Spirit, without whom we have no assurance. Why would Christ Jesus go away and tell His apostles that it behooves them for Him to do so as He would ask the Father to send the “Other” who would lead them into all truth?

We stand at the juncture of a Church Body that misunderstands or has no Divine comprehension of this essential teaching. Churches do not teach the pivotal reliance and reverence of God’s indwelling Spirit that we may not “Quench” His wonderful council, truth, conviction and power. Without being Born again we are doomed to that meeting with Christ Jesus where He denies knowing any of us. We are subject to the prince of the power of this world as we have no seal of God’s Holy Spirit and the protection against Satan He alone provides. We are missing the essential doctrine entrusted to our care.

If we don’t own it how can we ever hope to share that which we never had ourselves? In Jesus Name time to be ready in and out of season armed with the Gospel of God.