Times I tried to say words that would repair. Nothing seems to heal, nothing changes and I only succeed in upsetting things further. In sight of my continued failure I simply release you to find whatever answers God has hidden for you to discover. At least this frees me from blame, but the obligation to pray calls me to ask God for intervention. May you find the Peace and Patience that for so long has evaded you.

These are the days before everlasting. The most frustrating moments calling the body to give up their exasperating dependence upon the thoughts, hand and works of man. If we could have solved this dilemma it would not have taken us thousands of years wondering around the same labyrinth. Now we turn to You clear heart and minds knowing that our trust and faith in Your resolve and loving plan our hope.

Men have lost their way or struggle to find it, begging, pleading and searching for truths beyond self. Denying our objectives, worship and self recrimination as solutions caught in the thicket of self-dependence. Time reveals to each of us the desperation of self-reliance. Our answer forever reside in Trust In You. Though men will test the ages and repeatedly believe that their answers remain at our fingertips in the lasting quest of the next set of works of independence. You Alone Are God.

Today, I admit my weakness of the flesh and mind of this temporary seed. In so doing I recall and realize the power beyond my self. Grace is peace in the presence and sealing fire of Spirit. Nothing escapes me this day, this place of power and peace sitting within Spirit. Not to be used for realization of self or my own will but the overwhelming faith in the summation of Your Will, not simply for me but for every man You Know.

This is peace, knowing that nothing is beyond completion. This is patience knowing that every work shall prevail, every seed shall grow. My quest for good dirt is ample ambition. Father let each of us go forth and plant fields of ten thousand time a thousand where the everlasting impact is beyond our recognition but feeding the courage necessary to continue. May the power and warming Grace of Your Hope fire each heart to revival and eternal pursuit of presence. In Jesus’ Name let this and every day be that day.

Open. Nothing to say. Listening. Hoping that this is the time to be free from remaining encumbrance.

Sorry and sad for the hurt. The images of pain I have caused You and my Family. Unjust or absent reasoning.

Visible bruise evidence of internal illness and poison. May all be surface bound in the days I have remaining.

Just to be forgiven? Or truly repentant? Only You know this heart for we know I often fool myself with thinking.

Reductions must be simple. Laying bare the foundations of self control and mastery. Teach me to remain free.

Lord take me and use those rewards that others may be known at heaven’s gate. To find ending and beginning.

Thank you for teaching the origin of Love and why it is the only principle suitable for everlasting promise.

Cast all out that belong not at this table. Including the wounds and undying victims of my jostled heart and hearing.

Being made again over and over until this pottery meets Your crafting. Let me shine the only light worth seeing.

Tried to be gentle, but when it was evident that persuasion and kindness would never reset as God commanded, merely frustrating the flesh as some refuse to listen. I knew that to be true to God’s Command I had to utilize some of those lesser respected parts of my self. No sarcasm, no beating around proverbial bushes, I would have to border cruelty and be honest that attachments brought me nothing but sorrow and continued mourning a loss that was not of my doing. You see when people leave a ministry in a way that does the most possible damage, there is certain forgiveness but the reality of reconnection is only achieved by God’s direction through, repentance, humility, supplication and renewed commitment. These were never going to happen with someone entering the ministry to fulfill personal outcomes. Therefore the hard route was the only route. As with acceptance of Grace it must be done by choice which was your volition.

It does not matter that someone thinks it foolish that I would be upset in knowing that someone each day is reading my posting, watching my studies and sharing in the gifts of spirit through this ministry after this Pastor being told he was no longer needed was akin to soft psychological stalking. After many requests to move on it was painfully clear that after one year it was never going to happen without authority and provocation. I am thankful that the Lord has today given back that personal space to share my thoughts without adjustment or consideration regarding who may hear them. When I write I write from the Spirit it is impossible to flow with that gift knowing that someone is interpreting, analyzing and standing at established distance waiting for what, Opportunity to hurt this Pastor or the ministry once again? People if you don’t want to walk with God listening and conforming to His Spirit, Word and Pastor, then go your way. No need to cling to that which you have deemed reprehensible. That being the sole authority of a Pastor to step away from a situation it is a power play to maintain links between us.

Love fails in one instance; when the parties serve different objectives having no shared commitment. In a Christian mission that is anathema to both God and Pastor for all involved must have as their first love God Almighty. This ministry is Christ’s not mine therefore the anointing and responsibility to conduct it as God demands is paramount to my own comfort or expectation. Seeing myself depart one or more footfalls from that direction breaks my heart for it means that I am asserting a greater love than God. You knew that this outcome was not possible and told me to go away. Painfully/Joyously I agreed, leaving you to pursue whatever wherever you were inclined, forgiving and leaving you in God’s Care. However, I was not allowed the same freedom. What appeared innocent or friendly contact threw me back immediately into reflection, prayer and contemplation/meditation upon issues upon which I thought finished, In a word is was unfair and an egregious expression of disrespect and power manipulation. I told you that I would wait in council for a period but that at some point I would cut the cord and move on. My birthday was that day, one year since I was told you wanted nothing more to do with this Pastor. That is the reset.

I have lost weight both physically and mentally in the last five days. You see I never like cutting people off it is just not natural for someone who loves as I love. I serve one God, His rules are the only rules that matter and when someone makes a choice I respect it regardless of ensuing pain as I simply understand that with suffering comes maturity. I do not seek prolonged pain associated with separation extended by someone else’s desire to keep tabs or maintain open doors. Some must be closed and never reopened. If there was a possibility to move forward then the Lord would have directed either or both of us, but alas He was clear with me that you were not ready for mutual commitment and understanding. For a Pastor that is saying, “you must leave the ministry to make this friendship, fellowship or family relationship work”. That is never going to happen, so fair wind and following seas as Marines say. I am certain God will direct you to the circumstance that matches your inclination.

Roses and dew whilst reminders view tasks and tender as the day so brief. Belief the only thing separating living from the sands of time and trouble. A bubble, a circumstance lingering for the moments that we were meant to carry. Tarry for a wink, think upon the things yet known, alone in our return to everlasting.

Quest so far and deep into nowhere that maps and mages sing songs of its beginning. Without end we bend logic and the rules of space, setting pace alongside the moons and mountains high. To start again and run the trails of lands yet ventured while dreams become real and mass fashioned fast in rhythm of each string.

Songs not written but recalled befell the glory of the painted saints. In August passion plenty the mints ring deep impression, each session planned yet flowing from the realm of possibility. Chosen, frozen and smoldering in fires far the belly of man and thought simmering in the glimmering dawn of which we yet sing.

Seconds if that is apt description into which understanding plunders we fall. One and all taken by the rivers that sweep dust from the universe. We rehearse for the loving dance when the kindred meet their Captain. Sown to the fabric outside time where history and mystery meet our hope, relieving peace both set to bring.

Words, found deeper than the breadth of man’s small will, to fill the void of doubt and mend the holes or tears in converging intention. Not to mention ideas lost in the bastion of brevity and merit. To inherit all things yet never increased of person or pride forgotten. The rotten replaced by all things new, poison gone with bite and sting.

Fertile not fatal born of immutable promise and vows that never dwindle, where time measures life but not the length of love. Above all things, ever mountain down we bathe and bask in unending faithfulness. We are remiss to remember the struggles of forgotten pain while relieved in joy of the pain found in eternal mourning.

When those around will not listen to suggestion, advice or plead. What can or must be done if the council is ignored? It’s obvious that sarcasm would say you argue more strongly. However, just as delivering an ungentle message of rebuke, standing passive without any correction is perhaps more dangerous in encouraging further weakness.

Of course I want and prefer good relationships with the Body, especially when you hit that stride/groove where the Holy Spirit is generating miracles throughout the works and prayers. However, it is perpetually dangerous to entertain the wants and wills of flesh when conducting ministry of Divine, Holy Habitation of God’s Spirit.

God’s efficacy will prevail even if I miserably fail. He will turn to good all things for those who love Him and walk according to His Purpose. Do I believe this means when I succeed or it is clearly referencing when I mess up?

No matter my intention or resolve if I as a anointed Pastor for Christ Jesus have intentions solely surrounding my own comfort, relationships or wishes then these things will be those direct mess ups accounted to me. Those of us who seek prosperity doctrine and our own wealth or fame are dangerous close if not in the pit of dishonoring the name of God.

I don’t want to be poor but I understand that being poor is perhaps Biblically a safer place to reside than in the realm of Mammon’s Plenty. I don’t want to be alone especially since God said that He would make for me a suitable helper, but being with the wrong person or for all the wrong reasons is clearly tenuous at best.

I just want to be plugged into a family where my talents and effort support the health and maintenance of the family. Where encouragement is the expectation and we never fail to receive/give assistance to any party seeking that furtherance. Often a kind word is the greatest reward in family. Not feeling or being alone rectifies a lot of evil opportunity.

If men were forced to only watch porn in front of their parents and kids they would never do it. That accountability is what I crave, never to be left alone with this mind and corrupt heart that seeks to do whatever it wants when, where and how it wants. God is my discernment and my goodness. Without Him I got nothing but this world.

Yes, it would be nice to receive all God’s good blessings precisely when needed. But what is the benefit of being chastised by God if we never have to struggle, suffer or see our own misbehavior? Judgment starts at the Church because we have all the advantages; Grace, relationship with Christ, Redemption to the Father and the voice/guidance of the the Holy Spirit. How else do we expect to be ambassadors to the Children of Disobedience that have none?

I had someone threaten my life this week, on my Birthday no less, as I defended unbelievers against not so quiet intimidation by enemy agents. I am reminded of the Lord Jesus and His anger against the money changers, always contorting the perfect Holy Habitation we have been given. Judgment has begun in the Church as Peter promised in 1Peter 4:17 and exclaimed by Jesus’ step Brother Jude. I was furious that anger, though I never like it, restored some order to the enemy’s designs for chaos. May the Lord rebuke Him. We are offered the choice of serving God’s Will and are warned that few will choose it. The Church is not here to maximize profitability, but to use the awesome provision of God’s; Spirit, Will, Love and Word to invite Children of Disobedience to the Cross and call Brothers and Sisters to the fields as workers. This nation on 4/21 had a leader read 2nd Chronicles 7:11-22 in the White House, yet many never even noticed the monumental importance of that action. We want healing and it is within our prayerful grasp. In Jesus’ name. This nation will be rededicated to God on May 17th in our Capital. Do we see our time? Where will I stand in this auspicious day? Love you Brother, we will see when I am bold enough to do say as you’ve suggested.

I am so thankful when people either love me, not who they are planning for me to become, but the me before them or decide to depart and find someone else to hold to the fire of performance and permission. Operating within the confines of human expectation, is there are worse prison for man that you can conceive?

These are not days to dwell in mires of deception, wondering who of your friends will betray you at the slightest departure from their plan for your life. There is so little time to determine in deception those of your inner circle are real, authentic and mean well for you and yours even when the circumstances are not producing the vibrations to tickle their fancy.

Depart and find a suitable life for yourself, don’t struggle within the strict confines of what God has commanded an Holy Habitation. If you want love you must find it and fight for it in the breast of those who are willing to accept the beauty of what is and pray for the miracle of what shall be in God’s Will for the two of you.

Shaping people is not within my authority nor does it appease, rather the controlling influences of forcing, cajoling or pestering people to become sickens me. This is not commentary on others but when I see this aspect of my own character seeking to conform people to the benchmarks of my own expectation.

Don’t want any of this done to me because I certainly hate seeing myself do it to you. Be who God made you to be and become without wrestling the person He needs to become. If I can aid or encourage amen and amen. If not then most certainly find a group of people who are consistent in their love for who you are. Don’t fight God or fight the wrong people.

Argument is another tool in the potential of human interaction. Only argue when it will produce the benefits of the worth of that interaction. If it is essential to producing a dynamic relationship or producing the best results then I can see its deployment. If not find people who don’t need to argue and rather listen to your suggestions trusting that it is best for all involved.

Please do great things. Thank you for letting go. You may not feel the sigh of relief that you’ve found in not following my opinion praying for conformity or confirmation, but I have been craving it. I love people in my circle. Loving you while knowing that you are on the fringes, analyzing, testing, tasting the benefits of being only so close but yet removed, is exhausting. Not having to wonder if you are ever going to love me or the people I love again is unnecessary dalliance.

I not only have no control, I don’t wish to be in control, but neither do I desire to be lab rat or barnyard animal waiting with expectation for a kind gesture, handful of grain or bale of hay. It is not my right to be loved but it is what God wants for me and the foundation of our relationship. Without love what are we doing and why are we doing it?

Yesterday, the President proclaimed the prayer of 2nd Chronicles 7:11-22. This was perhaps the most important day for this nation since our founding. The commitment as a nation to turn our hearts to God, repenting and crying out for healing. Every make America Great Person should have rejoiced at this Presidential bravery. As that is the only way to return this nation to greatness brought about by the goodness of God’s Word. However, that is not the case, most never even acknowledged nor recognized the Historical significance of God’s Direction to Solomon. Will we miss this one opportunity to return this nation to greatness in our preparation for the return of Christ Jesus? From all appearances we won’t show up because we don’t understand that we will only be Healed by the Hand of God found through belief upon Jesus Christ. God’s Will is that all will come to the knowledge of the Truth. Though it is hard to see from here to there I know that He will make it all happen. Miracles come from God just as every good thing comes from Heaven above. In Jesus’ name may this nation be healed as we demonstrate our absolute faith in God and not in ourselves or any man to deliver U.S. when they never could.

It is frustrating that you force me to banish you from my life for insistence that only your rules must be acknowledged and followed. For this is recipe for disaster with a Pastor serving Jesus by conviction of God’s Holy Spirit. You ignored every warning, every call to caution, every appeal to listen and obey God’s direction instead insisting/demanding and slandering this Pastor to follow your lead. I cannot argue this out of you. I want nothing from you but it is just plain sad that I must step away from you permanently because I would not/cannot follow your worldly agenda. Such loss of opportunity, possibility and union in the Spirit.

Every mistake, every step I counseled to follow a simple, slow process that allowed the necessary flexibility to hear and respond to God’s Guidance. For without God’s guidance we are left to our own plans, our own power our own limitations in achieving anything. When we say at outset that we are here for sole purpose of being a Body together knowing that through God’s Power alone we may achieve His Will then there is no argument. Why then were there arguments at all? Clear that the primary understanding and commitment to God’s will was never established. For that I apologize because I should have intervened much earlier saving us the pain of proceeding down the path we walked.

It is not my job to argue with or change anyone, the Holy Spirit convicts us of what God wants changed and when we listen it all operates smoothly, granted with the challenges that He wishes to guide us through. That never happened, instead both of us as Pastor and Parishioner were forced to morph, silence or conform to expectations that were unnecessary and foolish. I told you what God was directing me to do as a Mission’s Pastor. You did not agree and exerted control reaching for the bullet Points on your own Mission statement. I should have ended contact at that point realizing what came next and as it progressed it should have been anticipated and stopped. I am sorry to God and the Body that I did not step away before trying to comply, argue or proceed in silence. Backing away from anticipated/acknowledged snare is wisdom in Proverbs.

Be aware any who come into this ministry with alternative requirement or expectation that you will not be allowed to continue. This Pastor is answering God’s Call and His Alone upon this heart, mind and book of ACTS. I am sorry that I was never the right Pastor, Friend or Council that you sought. Remember I said that from the beginning and should have listened alone to God and what I knew to be truth as we both brought damage and unnecessary strife to the Body of Christ in our spiteful words, argument and departure from God’s will in attempt to fulfill some human agenda. However, we wish to color it to suit our cathartic need any departure from God’s Will is service to self and the enemy’s of God. I cannot be controlled by funding, misunderstood Agape or deception for God is on the Throne and will not allow the anointed to continue in this faulty service. He warned me and the end should have been immediate and voluntary on my part as I was hearing His conviction regardless of how each deemed his own service self-righteous and necessary. Forgive me for this lesson learned through painful instruction by His Spirit. May that conviction/chastisement never be necessary again. Thank you Father. May they go in peace and be Known by You always.

When a man is bitter who can console him as the burden of slight is followed and corrupted by the of contorted hope, compassion and song? When people truly believe that God is an angry Sovereign punishing out of spite they will never seek redemption, freedom from sin and salvation. Without a recognition of the wonders and love of God man is bereft of his greatest need. A walking infection of the heart a man who having been hurt refuses to accept the healing cure offered for the pains of our own making.

When we review John 3:16-21 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

If there is a desire to understand we may become equipped with the reasoning and the need for salvation, without which we may continue to view God as a mean spirited Father toying for extreme purpose with His Creation. Though it is hard for me to comprehend the level of necessary pain to arrive at those conclusions I can acknowledge misdirected anger associated with the transgressions of the world being blamed on the Creator. However, though impossible by recognition we must still attempt to reach even the most contorted heart or desperate thinking. I fully acknowledge without intervention of the Holy Spirit there neither was hope nor power at outset to convert this level of bitterness to Peace.

A man who is a nice man, by my estimation, continues to hit me with “Gotcha” questions each time we have the opportunity to chat. I pity this pattern of communication for it demands an association born of and reflecting the bitterness in his heart for which he feels that I am due contempt. I must enter each conversation not in my flesh but in full display of the Fruits of God’s Holy Spirit. Neither my compassion for the wrongs done him nor the contortion of bitterness tainting his heart may be rectified by blaming the Almighty. What men have done to us must be attributed to the sin of men, not blamed on God each time we have the opportunity to view and account for our own wrong doing.

This form of communication continues that anger, spite or ignorance to the fact that we alone created our own predicament. Without recognition of my culpability it is impossible to convince me of the need for and the delight in recognizing God’s Gift of savior. In fact, this will be compounded by my bitterness and blame of anyone or anything else but my own sin. Hating God for my problems or man’s fallen state is exactly the opposite of my need and in fact assuring that helplessness and certainty of separation.

In my opinion the church is failing at its primary function. We are meant to tell the story of the need for and the fulfillment of man’s eternal dilemma with Jesus. That is the entire reason for God’s Gift of the Ten Commandments to the Jews in the desert. Without a clear view of contemptuous behavior before God man has no idea of his plight. Thus viewing God as mean or questioning His intention for mankind demonstrates an absolute spiritual blindness to the entire plan and reason for redemption. It is easy to understand at that point why a person in this state would avoid any conversation about the Goodness of the Gospel nor pursue the cure for their spite/skepticism by searching the Gospel, praying to God or listening for the guiding hand of His Holy Spirit.

Why do I dislike this type of interaction from outset? I love this man and pray for His relationship with the God. However, the scripture is clear and no amount of thinking, works or philosophy is going to rectify is misalignment with God’s Plan of Salvation and Redemption found only through Christ Jesus. I am not meant for argument or persuasion. I am not meant for the odd pleasure of “Zinging” my neighbor in momentary embarrassment. I do not win by expressing the Gospel of my own vain imagination nor do I speak the Gospel to somehow win a door prize. This man matters to God and consequently to me. Therefore, though the attempts and expectations of the flesh aside to convince or transform must be put aside, I know that God has put us together because of His love for this man in front of me.

Shall I depart, give up or avoid the opportunity to reach him with God’s loving intention? Shall I give in to his momentary and temporary expectation associated with the brief wins of spiteful argument? Shall I do neither and remain in a paralytic position without prayer or works? Shall I become frustrated as is my fleshly nature at having failed at my human attempt to reach him without asking the Holy Spirit to miraculously intervene? Shall I leave him in his bitter, fallen and contorted state to most certainly find his end in Gehenna? What would a man with a heart for God do in this circumstance? What if any is the duty of responsibility to a Loving God?

Is the objective to be viewed in love by this man who is not known by Jesus? Perhaps indirectly. For in knowing Jesus and being known by Him would give this man, spiritual sight and seal him with God’s Holy Spirit converting him to a stone in the Earthly temple of God’s habitation. Then he would see me through the eyes of God’s understanding and reflect the love that would direct, convict and demand similar understanding. That is the reason for our endurance and perhaps worthy of any frustration. I must acknowledge that God will direct a time when decision is beyond His miraculous Hand. Until such direction I will continue to pray that he meets God and offer encouragement, rebuke, council and fellowship as Christ directs knowing fully that even in the frustration of my own fleshly inadequacy, God may defy all expectation and bring this man to Calvary’s Cross. In Jesus’ name.