Tried to be gentle, but when it was evident that persuasion and kindness would never reset as God commanded, merely frustrating the flesh as some refuse to listen. I knew that to be true to God’s Command I had to utilize some of those lesser respected parts of my self. No sarcasm, no beating around proverbial bushes, I would have to border cruelty and be honest that attachments brought me nothing but sorrow and continued mourning a loss that was not of my doing. You see when people leave a ministry in a way that does the most possible damage, there is certain forgiveness but the reality of reconnection is only achieved by God’s direction through, repentance, humility, supplication and renewed commitment. These were never going to happen with someone entering the ministry to fulfill personal outcomes. Therefore the hard route was the only route. As with acceptance of Grace it must be done by choice which was your volition.

It does not matter that someone thinks it foolish that I would be upset in knowing that someone each day is reading my posting, watching my studies and sharing in the gifts of spirit through this ministry after this Pastor being told he was no longer needed was akin to soft psychological stalking. After many requests to move on it was painfully clear that after one year it was never going to happen without authority and provocation. I am thankful that the Lord has today given back that personal space to share my thoughts without adjustment or consideration regarding who may hear them. When I write I write from the Spirit it is impossible to flow with that gift knowing that someone is interpreting, analyzing and standing at established distance waiting for what, Opportunity to hurt this Pastor or the ministry once again? People if you don’t want to walk with God listening and conforming to His Spirit, Word and Pastor, then go your way. No need to cling to that which you have deemed reprehensible. That being the sole authority of a Pastor to step away from a situation it is a power play to maintain links between us.

Love fails in one instance; when the parties serve different objectives having no shared commitment. In a Christian mission that is anathema to both God and Pastor for all involved must have as their first love God Almighty. This ministry is Christ’s not mine therefore the anointing and responsibility to conduct it as God demands is paramount to my own comfort or expectation. Seeing myself depart one or more footfalls from that direction breaks my heart for it means that I am asserting a greater love than God. You knew that this outcome was not possible and told me to go away. Painfully/Joyously I agreed, leaving you to pursue whatever wherever you were inclined, forgiving and leaving you in God’s Care. However, I was not allowed the same freedom. What appeared innocent or friendly contact threw me back immediately into reflection, prayer and contemplation/meditation upon issues upon which I thought finished, In a word is was unfair and an egregious expression of disrespect and power manipulation. I told you that I would wait in council for a period but that at some point I would cut the cord and move on. My birthday was that day, one year since I was told you wanted nothing more to do with this Pastor. That is the reset.

I have lost weight both physically and mentally in the last five days. You see I never like cutting people off it is just not natural for someone who loves as I love. I serve one God, His rules are the only rules that matter and when someone makes a choice I respect it regardless of ensuing pain as I simply understand that with suffering comes maturity. I do not seek prolonged pain associated with separation extended by someone else’s desire to keep tabs or maintain open doors. Some must be closed and never reopened. If there was a possibility to move forward then the Lord would have directed either or both of us, but alas He was clear with me that you were not ready for mutual commitment and understanding. For a Pastor that is saying, “you must leave the ministry to make this friendship, fellowship or family relationship work”. That is never going to happen, so fair wind and following seas as Marines say. I am certain God will direct you to the circumstance that matches your inclination.