I miss all of you when you choose to go away, some more than others but all are remembered fondly and regularly. However, I cannot make the decisions in relationships, that requires two and when you’ve made your decisions in love I truly want to give you what you’ve demanded or requested. For that is love, the free will to choose your own road and who will accompany you upon it. God willing He provides the right companions, mates and enemies that you arrive exactly where and when He wants you.

That this is a common occurrence requires my own investigation, especially after the harsh things that have been claimed by those in parting. Going before God in humility, hope and clarity is the greatest gift I have been given. Assurance in character and in deed may only be found in transparency sitting before the Throne of God. I always see, admit, accept and expect God’s hand of transformation upon me following each descendance or parting. After the interaction though not ending or passing the way I would have liked has been meant for both our reflection, conviction and growth.

If my enemies are provided for my sanctification as I pray for them in love, how much more those of Grace will provide for my edification, even in loss. Man I wish sometimes that I had those perfect skills and words to share at just the right time as you demanded. But I think it is the commitment to face life together regardless the clashes, dashes, dots, yods and tittles that defines true love. So, in some manner I am glad that those who leave have done so. Though it is a nice dream to see relationships work out the way we would want them, it is a far better thing to feel the Hand of God upon each of our spirits as we each pursue the doctrine of perfection we could never find alone.

Do I miss you yes? Do I want for you the desires of your heart yes? Am I the partner, friend, Pastor or Brother to walk with you in each fire, together till we reach out mutual end? These are not questions I may answer myself. However, the greatest danger in choosing my own road has always been that I have not listened or obeyed the command of God. By nature I will invariably first contemplate the easiest path, but always end up on the hard road that leads to greater maturity, growth and spiritual refinement. That being said it is impossible for me to see that the difficult road and interaction both of us experienced, the truth with which I clung in pursuance of God’s Purpose and the Love with which I fondly release you are all the same dedication to objective love. You are not what I want you to be but what you are and are becoming which I adore. Letting you go is a pleasure not a curse.

What a wonderful place to be tried and focused. To see those things in cupboards, garage and kitchen that fester or foster growth and imagination. Such splendid array of troublesome works. Finding everything so attractive until bought, bartered or clutched. Aspiration, generation, imagination all so nonchalant, dangerous and refining, in the fires, caldrons and chemical reactions when put in contact with life or the misery and longing for release from limitations.

How promising the ideas in our heads when we first set upon the road of immaculate conceptions. Everything so pure and perfect till tried and tested in the bare knuckle brawling of the climb to mountain’s top. Wavering yet never ready to simply step away from the caustic, charismatic or promising. Locks picked, gasps given at horizons without end and sweet, sorrowful ballads in measured delivery when hearts, broken fail to find the luster.

It’s skylines, caverns, shallows, swallows and vales, scented of lilac, palm and pine. Refining by nature, especially when drawn or cornered into stints of loneliness, longing or prideful stand for reasons unknown or inexplicable. Searching for the promises of a first kiss, scent memories or the inkling of something rarely discovered. Matching day dream and dalliance we fall, reluctantly knowing in advance that the challenge brings the mastery.

Nothing sure but more often the same though something else beckons. Washed clean in the winds, erosion and pressures of the forgery. Made new when clinging to familiar. Hoping for the ready, steady and knowable yet realizing the promise of wisdom, passion and experience. No heart is changed by simplicity, but in difficulty and disappointed reason sponsors gifting. Learning to love in a way that we have never chosen, crafted or pursued.

What dance in pants too long for whirling? What dreams without the moral character of man or woman born to something good? Do the guilty lose their regret and displeasure replacing the hard, cold and callous sense of defeat for the things they just cant muster? Into the abyss we wander senseless, tempting the edge and prancing foolish against the overwhelming clutch of gravity and utter destruction. Only to step back with a gasp, flustered and excited by the moment of life’s testing.

Looking past the clouds, darkness and even the blinding sun, knowing something beyond the veil of my existence. What purple or pink blossoms are found the other side of midnight? What light reveals but the shadows and episodic blackness of our damaged journey. Surrendered to be replenished in the graceful fall of yonder ripples. Face down in mud or frozen splendor, rising to the joy and shame of challenged doubt. Paralysis broken by shear unplanned action.

Knowing that whether thrashing worry and defeat be breakfast, the salty dogs of afternoon shall follow. Leaving beside the roadside always humbling, gravely and arduous intent or hopeful wishing the smooth chaser of silky, solemn indifference and polite consideration. These are the days of becoming for which they prepared me. Not easy, never boring or contrite, but something akin to the Earth so deep for planting or foundation. Erected in error to the sun or fortified to withstand the driving rain and winter’s chill.

I desire to shout a word that no one else has ever heard. The word of heart and intent of man that has very little with God’s Plan. To tell you how you have erred by running scared as anger flared. But hope in word is never found as hunter seldom seeks the hound.

The things I want matter little as I sit alone opine and fiddle. The absence of the heart of want its best to take the base by bunt. As mysteries of God append the knowledge of which men offend. Flesh will rule when given ear to drink red wine and run in fear.

Until God’s Spirit the only Word we hear forgotten mine, please hold my beer. For my want is will that I and me hold dear. Each episode a faithless smear. So, run and stand upon your pride, keeping faith to fear inside. The precipice so deep and wide we thought to jump.

In Christ confide. The only way to heaven’s gate, whether way too early or much too late. Fashioned free from voice of self so few the words that rhyme with elf. Small the man of appetite who thinks he has rightly joined the fight. The light has won and it is done.

Built of Trust and Hope. Courage that often fades in the sight of dominance. It must reside in our hearts and force action in our minds prone to paralysis in face of the overwhelming. We are not the simple sort who lay down, shy or run from the shadow of darkness approaching. These are the days of Princes and Priestesses, standing in prayer and council, sealed in the Spirit of the Almighty. Certainly tasting fear, but then biting hard upon pouting lip to spit the seeds of cowardice upon the graven Earth of heathen gods.

Rough hands that sifted the sands, rocks and dirt of time trying to build something in this frail, torn world. Digging deeply to build upon the Rock of Ages that what is left may face time undaunted, ready for the storms of sand, wind and waters. Men were made in the image of God, The Father in Loving Sovereign Authority outside the effects of the creation that adores, fears or disobeys. The Son, Sacrificial with a heart for man but an iron rod to shepherd all creation to surround. The Spirit, the comforting, convicting, faithful testimony of Truth that seals men for eternity and defeated death raising our High Priest from the Grave.

I am sorry that I mourn for you. Perhaps the love I have given or spared was shared knowledge that we must be ready even in our greatest moments of compassion and reserve. We may not hope upon ourselves when we face odds greater than our heart and hand. We must unite around the glorious faith of God and His promise basing our courage upon something that has already overcome all that we now are facing. Stand not with trust in self, romance, storm or money, but in the Loving God who chose to breathe life into each of us that at some point we may discover the choice of everlasting life, peeling back the mysterious which confront all men.

In my failure I do not rage, nor seek excuse. I look forward, not the gardens of my own working but the those miracles that may touch each of us as we accept our work as vessels of God’s Perfect will for this world and the hereafter. This is the time when we must have already made choice or be swept up by the wind and wills surrounding and screaming that all should afraid. Afraid of what I say? What shall we fear in understanding that God’s Plan emerges on the plains before our mistrust and absent hope? We cannot find hope without knowing God for He is that trust, that thing beyond ourselves that surpasses this world caught in its own desired entropy.

Color as you will the hues, shapes and perspective with which you see the world. I will neither warn nor criticize as we all need to paint the story in our own version. But mine has all been painted, not yet revealed but none the less colorful or resolute and real. For the canvass I view I am color smeared upon it in the deftly crafted vision of God Himself. This is his picture and removes from me the need for concern, worry or expectation. This is not my imagination but one far greater than I could ever display or portray. This is from the mind and eye of God and frankly I don’t really know all that is coming, but I want it. There is no single thing for which I hope more than to see you make the same decision, waiting upon God to reveal His masterpiece and trust Him as He does.

My intentions in a perfect world would match God’s Will. Do they? Only the fruits of my works for the Kingdom may demonstrate the proof or the self justification of inadequate truth.

All of us want to do some good in the world. All of us that call ourselves by His name want to at the end of the day go before the Throne of God and hear those faithful words commending our actions as serving His Will.

Our difficulty resides in the vain imagination or the coloring book of our desire to be found worthy. What if that simply complex conflict is the struggle for each of us? You see, we are already worthy at the moment we found the wisdom in choosing Christ.

I should never have to convince either myself or someone else of my alignment with God’s Will, it will frankly be self-evidentiary. Jesus said the measure are the fruits. Therefore, my words or argument matter little in fact my effort to convince perhaps detracts from my faithful service to the King.

Fruits of the Holy Spirit speak through God’s Word and Voice. Just as I am born again of heavenly seed to do the works that God set before me before my creation, those seeds will present as the evidence of my purpose and foundation.

I don’t need anything but prayer. However, I cringe at the implication that somehow since I fall short of another human’s measuring stick that those prayers will overcome my inadequacy and find me worthy. Judge yourself if it assists you and honors God. He alone is the judge of all.

No longer being the man who died on the cross with Christ Jesus, having died to self, I really don’t much care what folks think of how I am doing. I believe this is a veiled lure to get involved in the original argument regarding my worth. A worth that is already argued and put to bed by the presence of the Fruits of the Spirit and never by my words or works.

So, do my intentions ever matter? Perhaps. Do my intentions in fact pose the risk of running counter to the truth? Absolutely My intentions even when offered for the good of the Kingdom may be the exact point of self or worldly worship that takes me away from God, as is evidenced in Revelation 2 in Jesus’ chastisement of Ephesus.

If I am inclined to God’s Will then I will never feel the distance from God that my intentions often serve. I am not about my heart or head intentions but about the Love, Joy, Peace and Patience of God found only when walking in the Spirit’s guidance.

For absent the Fruits of God’s Holy Spirit and the outcomes that the WORD says will occur through that interaction, I am on my own venture that will only bring me distance from the Lord, which is never a good thing, as God said it is not good for man to be alone.

Perhaps when the storm arises the greatest demonstration of my inclination and understanding of the relationship with Almighty God would be to take a nap at His feet in the bottom of the boat. His Will be done especially when I stop resisting it or serving my own.

Self, propriety, fairness and contempt. The wounds reviewed, catalogued, washed a restart both required and mandated. Held by nothing but the Hand of God and devotion to His Name. The path shall emerge even through desert sands and wanting.

My name shall not be remembered or even faintly recalled. No prayers needed for the dying as they are revived into breath, life and light. Repentance is fulfilled in vast return to the gravel pits that once enforced our labor and deception.

Enlisted as servant to the slaves and ministers of vast seeded plains. No need for freedom of choice inconsistent with the doulos I have always wanted to become. Prayer no duty to those who seek the wonders beyond understanding.

Disposed, inclined to reason and reality. Waste upon the road of acquisition and gratification. Rising to feed the locusts of wrath and peace. Even the weeds are belly full for soldiers sent forth as dust upon the winds of change.

There must be death before rebirth, the beauty of retreat before victory silence before the noise of resurrection. What power emitting in witness of the Light. Cast all land once captured in the darkness of self loathing, bathed.

In beams of projected power, parsecs unknown, beyond contention of the previous. Wrongly. Calculated a worth that is simply powder through the sieve of time, facing predetermined end lost all expectation and grandeur in adoration.

Released in the rapids to fend. Mended in the weight of witness and importance unforgiving. These days of contemplation led by lesser thinking to emerge unscathed with skin afresh. What then is placed upon the sanitized table, remembrance?

To respond to the anguish my body calls me to silence. The addictive nature of food, flesh and drink. Can’t even think without my hand striking the pose of the coffee cup it conditionally wants to hold. Is conditioning the resolution that bends to unrequited love?

Would I be enjoying the rewards of bountiful life if my skin and organs called me to take the next puff, pop the next pill or look upon the outrageous video demonstration of coitus? Would the love of Christ be in my heart for my wife or husband as I dreamt or envisioned another?

What is the cause of the viewing of grass beyond the fence of God’s provision? Is my simple wife less appealing because I have seen the world’s definition of beautiful and replaced the one God gave me?

Funny looking, beyond brilliant in my figuring but immature in my quest to understand the nature of this gifting. Simply, what did God make you? Then that is the imagination for which I must strive, is to understand the purpose for that gift, not to live in a fleshly quest to replace it with that which the Worldly man lusts.

What is a crutch but a physical replacement for the faith in God I wanted. Each time my body cries out for fleshly gratification and I honor it I am fulfilling the lusts of the flesh, feeding my inclusion with Earth’s Dwellers.

Why my hand tremors for that which I yearn, whatever form the mechanism, I am provided a method of escape to remember and stand upon the absolute dependence upon the Joy that God has provided for my born again life. Having never known this new voice until my rebirth, I am now faced with the struggle against my own internal yearning.

A struggle that will always be watched for by the enemies of my existence. How else do I believe that they will steal, kill and destroy those joys reserved for me having been extracted from the prison of flesh, mortality and sin?

They are wonderful promptings leading us back onto the path of greatest resistance the Only path to righteousness found upon my way the King. Is sex good when experienced in love with your wife or husband, most certainly. However, it ought not be camouflaged with the yearning to fulfill the sexual addictions or “mind’s eye” of the porn or strange flesh that my mortal man yearns.

Simple questions provoke the most anguish from those challenged with addiction. And by addiction I mean any compelling influence to take an action outside of the Joy and Freedom of the Abundant Life we were given. Are you drinking in Joy or to dampen/embellish the experience? Are you smoking for the Joy of fellowship and experience of life well lived or because the nicotine, weed or whatever will return to that state of agitation/calm you could not find in Christ? Are you opining or coercing wife or husband into sex so that you can feel that moment of personal satisfaction or to experience the blessings of oneness that God promised in Your ordained marriage?

Intentions matter little when reviewing outcomes, for minds may be changed or deceived embarking on what previously were determined as noble tasks.Except with determining the mental state and intent to complete an action. We are involved in purposeful deception, not only by enemies but by the very organizations that govern our own missions and objectives. Do we have the right mind to fulfill the will of God not only for own purposes but for the sole reason we are in this fight to bring Glory, Honor and Praise to His Holy name.

We were warned and educated by God’s Holy Spirit inspired Word to prepare against deception as a Body. Yet are we? Do we have the intentional mind and requisite intention to armor ourselves against the most powerful deceiver to ever fall to the Earth? That preparation begins with Assigned Gifts, not Titles to be used to push believers into giving you the wealth you see available but for the purpose of Holy Ministry, through teaching, preaching, evangelism, apostleship and administrative leadership.This is a labor not of work but of love and respect for God in obeying His direction.

Too many do not fear God, which is the beginning of wisdom. Adam & Eve demonstrated their lack of fear of the Sovereign God, he had to educate Moses that He must strike off his sandals upon the Holy Ground and Job that our righteousness matters little when facing the Great and Terrifying God beyond time. We perform our trespasses against God either without consideration of God’s Wrath or in direct defiance of the same. Perhaps, just perhaps if Eve had notified her man about the Serpent and what he had suggested then Adam fully fearing and loving God would have been able to inquire of the Lord as to an alternate action.

The fact, that we even now search for every man centered solution to the problems that confront us is convicting evidence of our lack of respect and reverent fear for God Almighty. We are so ready to follow any man who will take our coin for good suggestions then sent our sons off to War in search of the same unreliable outcomes of death and sin.It is the awe inspiring moment each of us meets the Almighty that inspires our obedience, not just through fear but the Love born of gratefulness for being saved from the same dilemmas out of which no man could deliver us. We are a pitiful lot that we think of God as a last resort and even then look down our nose at the impossible deliverance in its reception.

Well, we are up against it now. The world has begun its entropy into the fires that will reshape it for eternity. And Yet we still have no fear of the Lord, at least not enough to cry out to Him for salvation, direction and rest. I tired of the impassioned speeches and soliloquy of ambassadorial eloquence. Searching day an night the vocabulary of expired Greek tragedy and Roman tradition to hear the cheers and rumbles of humans choosing and friendship of worldly branding. Enough of the Earth Dwelling ignorance absent the fear of the Awesome God of All. If you don’t want to hear that is okay, I love you enough to say the one time I have been allotted. I do not say it to humble, bash or change you but to offer the seeds of possibility that you may come to a personal decision to obey God’s command upon Your life right now to escape the wrath that He promises is coming. In Jesus name.

Be pleasant, As American do not extend my personal rights to cover my neighbor’s freedom. It has never been about self, that is what our pride makes it. It is always about how we determine to get along together such that we do not bring the agents of law into our community. We have collectively determined not to display the behaviors of knowledge and experience with each other leading to conflicts that just don’t happen when respect is the currency of each day.

Seeing this construct we are immediately forced, though we adamantly avoid it to analyze our behaviors and reflect as to their compliance with this higher level of societal norms. We are instantly brought to understanding that we are inconsistent with people who say that they know Christ Jesus, as our fruits fail the test He stated would determine understanding. When I know a man cannot engender or bring forth the fruits of the Holy Spirit, I immediately give way to a fool wielding a broadsword in close proximity to people around him.

We are not freed simply to choose however we treat people is acceptable even when the bulk of the society has become so contorted that they believe themselves the center of the universe. Yes, I may to an extent express my unique view and desires to a point, but even when others agree that anarchy is the norm, there remains the ingrained dilemma that all men know God and know that there are absolutes with regard to right and wrong or good and evil. In fact my continued concentration upon doing a I want, or doing it my way, presents itself as the gateway to social discord, but these must be done in a manner of national agreement. For if the wicked are left in command then all societal guidelines of community maintenance are broken by the constant attempts to have what I want be the center of governance.

God help U.S. when those we have elected cease to follow the social understanding of absolute norms. That is where we were just last year. Now, we are in the throws of carving out the path to a new declaration of independence from this unbridled pursuit of self gratification. Like it or not the way forward is only found in division of those ideals and decision to conform our own behavior to absolutes, objective truths that may only come from the Voice of God in our lives or to abandon all parameters to pursue what You and I want 24/7 which defaults to the governance of who is in power over the vulnerable. Do it until you are satisfied means that those with the power to enforce their desired pathway will always prevail. This denies the innocent and the vulnerable. A society may therefore be known by their fruit of how they treat those who have no power against them.

We ceased being a nation of men governed by God’s objective truths when we forgot to protect the innocent. There is no child that should have to find the demons of this world and the mind of man to find a safe space to live and grow. I do not care what I want when it infringes upon this sacrosanct ideal. In fact that which I desire may be the sole impediment to achieving the life that we proclaimed when joined in God’s provision of a nation made to bring Glory to His name. Our problem has always been one of doing those things we know to be right and aligning our lives with the Fruits of God’s Spirit or serving any other catalyst most often the desires of the heart and flesh. To have safe society we must first protect the needs of the vulnerable and innocent, denying self before we can walk in vigilance toward nation through which we may rejoice.

Nothing left but a bag of same old rhymes. Beating time on the front of old trousers. Hollering as if I’d seen the moon for the very first. Night’s so dark I cannot remember. All of the nice things that we were in such hurry to leave behind.

As the world refused to stop watching. I found the courage to sing from the hidden places. So many faces luring my eyes to days that should never have been forgotten. Some filled with dream some normal as rainy day blues.

And time called my name to the riches wrapped so deeply. Swimming in the cool deep comfort or tears and triumph. The smart things that so few uttered. And the pearls muttered in the green silent mornings of falls approach.

The tip of my tongue clicking out beats that matched the waves approaching. Reminiscent of the mysteries I had youthfully gambled. A mind of wonder and a heart full of sunshine and possibility. Purposely never pondering what lay beyond the sky.

Simple days and weeks in splendor. Sleeping mind free of burdens shared. Conflicts so swiftly forgotten or never visited. As the well of the world tasted sweetly at each short sip. Thinking slowly for ideas never ventured. No worries renewed.

A top the chest my keys and random pictures. A Pile of knickknacks infrequently sorted. Never enough to lead them to the relevant clues. For the depth of the forest must never be measured. As with love it must age and be sampled for a lifetime.

Lost in the pulsing sway in the voice of a child long departed. Competing with the birds to paint a picture I saw in God’s Eye. The golden victories of a man searching each experience for whispers of courage and valiant hope. Marking Time upon the counter top.