Conclusions must be made, or is this just impatient reluctance?  Throughout man’s history religious leaders have damaged the truth through their inability to wait on God.  Many have failed to accept that there are some things He is not going to reveal until His timing arrives.  God knows that we have a capricious nature and have to fill in the blanks even with incorrect, incomplete or information that is just frankly wrong.   The Lord repeatedly, apparently and purposefully leaves important segments unknown or unknowable.  I believe that this is intended to produce faith in the Scriptural reader.  Since “hope is belief in things not yet seen”, then if I knew everything then it would produce no reliant faith.  My justifiable reliance upon the promises of God require that I accept also what He has chosen “not” to tell me.  That also is for my betterment.  The Bible states that “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God”.  It is striking that the Word does not say that faith comes through knowledge, which becomes faith.  Perhaps this is because then no man can boast, as faith does not depend on a man’s ability to assimilate knowledge but rather like Wisdom it comes specifically from the dispensary of God.

This parsing out of information produces an odd effect in humans.  It drives some men, crazy with diseased analysis trying to fill in the blanks or intuit what God has “not said”.  Is this a natural reaction or utter rebellion.  Judging by the resultant effects of providing what the Lord has not made clear I would have to say disobedience.  Thus the False Teacher and misleading doctrine is born, out of arrogance, impatience and disobedience.

I am responsible for false doctrine.  The only way to control this overwhelming urge to control the uncontrollable is to develop patience faith and trust in God’s Word and the Holy Spirit’s guidance.  I don’t need to know the identity of the two witnesses who will come to proclaim the truth at the “wailing wall”.  I don’t need to know the day and the hour of the Lord’s return for the elect.  I don’t need to know why America is not mentioned in the discourse on the “last days”.  My duty is to be ready for these things when they come. The enticement of being like God doesn’t capture me, I do not wish to be like God.  I prefer to leave the outcome in his hands, safe in the “faith” that whatever happens, His way is the best way.

Father, thank you for the in depth guidance Your Word provides.  You are enough for me in all things.  Forgive me for pursuing anything that is outside of Your Will.  Take me to that place where I am equipped with only that with which You need me prepared.  Give me peace in “not knowing” and do not allow my ego to become a foothold for the enemy’s tactics.  I am okay with not knowing everything.  Give me Your faithfulness when I possess none myself.  Show me the way to patience and long suffering.  In Jesus I find Truth and Trust.  Amen.

Under whose authority do I preach?  If it is the Word of God then it must come from God not from me.  I am simply a vehicle through which the eternal, saving, cleansing water’s of life are dispensed to a thirsty world.  If the inside of my pitcher is filthy does that taint the taste of these life saving water’s or do those waters have the same authority and cleansing power to wash clean my own sins in my frailty as a human mechanism?  Will the waters flow at all from a unrepentant disciple?  These are august questions with which we must struggle and frankly each of us would be dismayed if not for the guidance of the Holy Spirit .

Does my lack of gentleness, kindness, self-control and long suffering indicate that I am in fact not filled with the Spirit of God, Who seals a man for eternity?  I serve God and no man and that includes myself.  If I am doing as He has led me, in the knowledge, faith and adherence to a salvation for which I am assured then neither my sin nor the pronouncement, accusations or recriminations of any man can effect that salvation.  The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want and He shall discipline me in His Good Will when He deems necessary, and as a note He may use another believer to deliver that message of the need for re-dedication or repentance.  I respect any believer’s Spirit filled message even as it may be directed at me, but look out for the lumber in thy own eye.  I am not one that needs to be bludgeoned by those who love me, simply tell me what you think and feel, then give me the respect I have shown you, allowing me to evaluate, pray, discuss and weigh each spirit’s voice as the Word directs me.  If the message is truly from the Lord then HE will counsel, reprove and conform me to His likeness, in that I have faith and trust not in the angry declarations of other sinners.

Immature Christians, although well intentioned tend to wield the Word with a heavy hand.  As Jesus delivered the message, he did it in kindness and patience, even with the Apostles who refused to understand after spending three years in direct contact.  Where He directs each of us to which ministry He calls each of us is a personal conversation between He and each of us.  If I am in relationship with a church and the leaders of that church call me to count for some behavior then I am dedicated to accept, follow and change whatever they have directed me as an extension of His Authority.  I pray for those who feel it is necessary, in self righteousness and what I believe is ill advised manipulation of discipleship to dispense judgment as if it came from themselves.

In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I ask Him to protect me from the fiery darts of the enemy that may in times even be spoken by a Brother who has fallen asleep and allowed himself to be used by the enemies of God.  Forgive me for the times I have corrupted Your intentions by my own desire for control.  What the enemy or any man intended for evil let it be turned to the Good of Your Will.  Let their intentions be made evident and the truth of anything they say be extracted from any ill intent.  Let me only speak Your Truth, listen to Your Truth and obey Your Truth in faith, kindness and love as I believe You have directed.  Let me lead members to the cross and plant seeds and lead me away from destroying, breaking down or discouraging anything that You have saved.  What You have made Holy is Holy.  And just as You taught Peter let no man or spirit say otherwise.  We love You Father, for what You are, what You have shown us and for what You have given us, even that which we never deserved.  Amen.

The burdens mount if you let them.  Why do I generally choose to carry stones, bricks and driftwood around in my pack for awhile before I wise up and lay that trusty bag at the foot of the Cross?  Is it that I miss the weight, look good with a hunchback, that I feel I somehow deserve it or perhaps I keep on trying to do this on on my own authority and strength?  I don’t know because the whole things seems nonsensical to me.  My burdens are not my own, He has asked them of me.  Why then do I seek to deprive God the opportunity to care for me as the Loving Father He has proven Himself to be?

Maybe I don’t know love, or how to love to be exact?  Maybe I have held tight to my blinders and ear plugs as the Lord taught me of love.  Would a person that does not know love misunderstand so thoroughly that he would have no concept of its importance.  I feel this is right, this is sound thinking, that you miss the opportunity because you are so jaded or misinformed that you don’t even know that you are missing anything.  But how can we explain the man who knows the value of Love and still turns away from the opportunities to feel its majestic touch through forgiveness, fellowship or care?  There are only several possibilities as the ignorance can be removed as a potential cause.  One either a person out of a masochistic guilt or self loathing does not feel that they are deserving of God’s Love or they are just plain rebellious and don’t want to know the Love that is being offered in Grace.

I pray that each of us takes all the Love from God they deserve as His Children and that they spread that Love to all.  Lay down that pack, keep walking, don’t lie down yet, but give up the burdens.  He is waiting to give you rest.

If we are going to struggle, let’s do it together.  It makes no sense for each of us to suffer, worry, triumph, battle or contend with the obstacles of this life unless we be in tandem.  And furthermore, there is no gratification in facing any gain or loss without approaching it thankfully.  Not out of some maudlin sense of mortality but since each thing, good or bad, when done in the Love of God will some how be used for His Glory.  What a concept that no matter the motivation of my Brother, even when mistaken if He loves God and walks according to His purpose that somehow the Lord will turn the outcome to His Good Use.  That means the lump in your chest, the bump on your head, the words that you said, the bride that you gained or the friends that you’ve lost will somehow be used for Glory.  In that understanding we are integrated, because even the things we meant for ill toward each other He will utilize in positive manner.  So thank You Lord for the bad and good that has been done me, this pain, these embarrassments, thrills, let downs and joys will all be used for our betterment through Your Good Will.

Now I ask of You, discernment Lord, so that my intentions are in line with Your Will and the kind, gentle care of my Brothers and Sisters.  Just because I know that You will miraculously transform or sway the effect of my haphazard or selfish actions in to something useful, please do not let me do the wrong thing with this knowledge.  I am also thankful for Your discipline and grateful that You will not allow me to get too far from You before sending emissary to call me home.  Your Grace is a broad river from which I never wish to depart.  Let me chart a course that is consistent with Your intention for my life.  Keep me safe and never let me lose sight of from whence my Blessings Come.  Praise You King Jesus for Your Sacrifice and Glory.

In earnest I looked upon a young man’s twitching smile and his pacing, I wondered.  He didn’t know what to say but had masterfully developed the oration skills necessary to pulling through just about any circumstance.  His convincing style, bright looks and charm had basically rescued him for every negative impact, conflict or potential beating.  He considered himself a survivor, having defeated all odds.  God watched him in silence again catching the arrows in his palm just before they sank into the young man’s back.

Jesus was on top of the world, looking down upon creation in silence waiting for the proper moment when He would come into the world to rescue us.  He knelt and prayed for us while all the planets, solar systems and galaxies simply existed as representation of His glory.  All He could think about was each of us waiting to be born, learning to discern, making choices that would eventually lead to an awesome encounter.  A destiny, not written by what we would do, earn, capture, crave or harm, but by that moment in time when we would have the initial interaction with our Creator.  Each of us frozen in time until that point when we saw the fire.  Knowing immediately the truth of all things and briefly living in the supernatural as we decided to accept that axiomatic Gospel or turn away accepting worldly explanation.

You see He didn’t have to come.  He didn’t have to create Lucifer, that beast who is now called satan.  He knew before time began exactly what the enemy would do and still He chose to call the devil into existence.  Doesn’t that give you some understanding of His awesome power and authority.  Which of us, knowing in advance all the future actions of our children’s enemies would allow them to breathe one lungful?  We are not like Him, His thoughts I cannot discover, interpret, change, predict, emulate or describe.  But I want to be like Him, for He is the greatest part of me, the breath, the spark, the Life.  The fact that He loves that young man enough to protect Him from even the unseen threats is all that I need to know.  For I am that young man as each of us must be in our attempts to conquer all that we survey.  That is before we have that moment of humility when we meet God and realize that we are not Him.

Wretched without condemnation a hard justification to manage.  Without your Love Lord I would be forlorn.  Putting on the shades, the mask, the smooth, tolerable visage of a man of good works, I fool myself briefly.  Thinking for moments that somehow this world is not all that bad and that somehow I may have reached a plateau of sufficiency on my own authority.  But I must and safely declare that I am worthy of nothing, there is no good thing within me but Christ Jesus.  Left to my own accord I will forever attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of humanity instead of simply wearing the wool as the adornment of a good sheep or caring for it as shepherd.  I am the sinner no matter how effective my argument otherwise.  The fire burns within me fueled by Your passion, Your Truth, Your actions, without that flame I would be frozen or consumed.  How is it that You could love such?

What manner of sham do each of us construct to disguise our own brand of charlatanry?  Each of us has his or her own private illusion into which the enemy thankfully injects supporting chicanery, discombobulation, fantasy and delusion.  My pride opens wide the door to paramnesia, because I wish to be blinded to the reality that I cannot tolerate, the simple fact that I am complicit in my own wickedness.  Yes, I said it.  It is my own internal pride, wickedness, illness and perversion that allows the enemy purchase into my drama.  The only iota of grace measured to me was that given by God, without it I was hopeless captive to this self-perpetuated nightmare I call “reason”.  My purpose is grander than a wasted life only because the Lord chose to find me in the pig pen I called home and gave me new clothes, linen and yes at times, sackcloth.  Thanks be to God that I am not defined by my own deserved reputation but that which has been made new by blessings and cleanliness of Christ.

I do not wish to be that wicked man and this simple act of contrition is what allows me to surrender.  Without that personal disgust and the desire for escalation I am lost because it is impossible to please God without faith, and faith impossible to achieve without repentance and belief in the saving Works of Jesus won upon the blessed cross.  That cross, only a tree or poorly constructed prison to bind the life of Jesus, became the pathway to freedom for the history of mankind.  That cross, only rough wood designed to accept the lashings and spikes, meant to steal from us the greatest gift ever given, but in reality giving us that gift through the most Divine Irony.  Even now to look upon that rudimentary device brings reflection that challenges even the most assured atheist.  It makes too much sense for the scientist and confounds the orator.  It is too simple in its construction, to be manufactured, too complicated to be the miracle of man.  Yes, I look upon that cross and mourn the cruelty of men just like me, but instantly I am refreshed in that understanding my own deficiency I can accept His Sufficiency.  I am free in Christ, hidden in Christ, alive in Christ through our unified death upon that tree and eternal ascension.  I am here suffering my own iniquity but not alone.  I am hidden in His mercy, sheltered by His Righteousness, made whole by His Justification and full of Hope because He made certain the promise of my salvation.  Praise You Father, forgive me yet again.  I pray the day when I stop sinning and perhaps can be at peace with this gift that I do not deserve.  Thank you for doing what You alone could have done.

I’ve lost my Mom!!  Please forgive me Father for this initial reaction.  My heart hurts, the door which brought me into this world and gave me protection, love, kindness and nurture has closed.  You have chosen to close that door, and I am struggling in my imperfection to feel anything but loss.  But please stay with me as those selfish feelings of personal impact turn into reflection upon her grace, love and strength.  Allow me to see through losing such a dear person you have shown me how truly blessed we were to have called her our Mother.  Let me see those things that she planted and grew on her journey through this life instead of concentration upon the enormous void left from her passing.  Having benefited so much from her love I cannot blame You for wanting her there with You.  Bless You for allowing us to experience that relationship for these few short years.  May she find peace and rest sitting there with You waiting for us to join her.

Some called her Margaret, some Miss Peggy but we just called her Mom.  Some knew her intimately as the woman who felt so deeply about things that she would have to sit in silence being overwhelmed by emotion.  Others knew her briefly as the lady who cared enough to stop and whisper something encouraging to someone fallen in the street, giving them the courage to get up and try again.  Many experienced her love each time they came into contact with her as they picked up medicine at the pharmacy for their sick child, aging Father or weak heart.  Some of us, the fortunate few knew all of these aspects of this complicated woman even that woman who would make you grow up quickly by telling you “the whole truth and nothing but the truth”.  Regardless of which woman each of us knew, Margaret, Peggy or Mom she made each of us better.  She had enough room in her life for all of us.  I am amazed at the stories from people we never knew of the effect Mom had upon their life just by caring enough to tell them that they weren’t alone.  Whether it was a wink, a hug, a kind word or a solid word of discipline she was always there to demonstrate her love for us by participating in whatever we were experiencing.

Life was not always easy on Mom.  She had a great love for one man that was never easy and cost her more than any of us care to venture.  She suffered the pains of difficult and stubborn children who challenged her and brought her equal measure of frustration and pride.  I know this because I own many of the gray hairs that graced her wise brow.  Thankfully, she did not have to watch any of her children pass from this life before her.  She had health, wealth and relationship difficulties that often appeared to be more than one person could handle, but she did.  She had the best and the worst of this life.  She had tremendous long term friendships with so many family, colleagues and mates.  Sometimes it was all too much for her and like most of us she would have to run and hide with You Lord until the storms had passed, but she always got back in the fight, kept going, never quit.  She was a model of that ability to do what must be done each day, regardless of the challenges or circumstances in order to take care of her family and her responsibilities.  She had that tenacity it takes to overcome this life and all that it throws at us.  She was a winner and many of us have the courage to keep on kicking as a bi-product of Mom’s unrelenting dedication.  She took care of us when we couldn’t find the strength to go on because that is what she was, a good friend, a loving partner, a Mom.

Father thank You for loving us enough to send us such a great Mother.  As in most blessings we may not see all the benefits of that relationship until she has been long passed, but in this moment we clearly see how she improved our lives, giving us hope, courage and love.  We know that You love her so much that You couldn’t wait to see her and that she is smiling down on us even now wishing us well and reminding us we’re not alone.  We thank You Lord that she has finally found rest in Your Loving Embrace.  Let us remember dearly the lessons she left us and not forget the joy of her smile, the strength of her courage and tenderness of the love she had for each of us.  We have been honored by her participation in our lives.  We love you Mom and celebrate your life.  Father be with those of us who struggle to find comfort in this moment of chaos.  Let us find rest in Your Loving Arms.  We Look forward to that day when we will meet Mom again and share that peace she now enjoys.

A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death better than the day of one’s birth.  It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will it to his heart.  Sorrow is better than laughter for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.  The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning: but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.  Ecclesiastes 7:1-4 

The life and words of Solomon confound me at times.  A man with such liberal understanding of life, having experienced every facet to his nth degree, displays the spectrum of moods and musings.  Ecclesiastes may be interpreted as the “The Preacher”, an acceptable perspective when reviewing the Holy Spirit’s teaching in this robust book on wisdom, patience, reputation and the cost of hubris.  Review of the life of this man chosen by God, brings perspective to humanly pursuits, painting all our worldly quests, victories and achievements “vanity”.

Must every good intention born of my own volition produce naught but folly and conceit?  If we are to accept this book as the Holy Truth consistent in the Bible’s entirety then we must accept that there is no way to “explain away” or justify our own, good intentioned but frankly naive campaigns, if they be outside the Sovereign Will, Authority and Direction of God through Christ Jesus.  Solomon is painstakingly clear that the wicked and the good both face the ravages of time and chance.  What then explains the conflict between a successful king run by shame and misery and an impoverished wise man filled with joy?  It is the same discernment each of us faces whether to choose worldly riches or priceless wisdom.  For if the same pressures of death and time await all then how that time or death is met is the measure of success.

For those who proclaim science as their master hoping to explain themselves to peace, I pose the following unexplainable quandary;  Why do the lost face death in fear and disquiet while the saved approach it in quiescence and joy?  For those who have “experienced” that moment when each of us faces the mutual departure, death, none can account for that inexplicable disharmony without broaching the taboo of the existence of God.  The scientist is doomed to find God through just pursuit in his attempts to explain Him away.  This is irony in the midst of folly.  For my reputation is best served in service to God’s Will.  Pursuit of my own pursuits however noble end in the vanity of my own passing, whose benefits are observed by another in my absence.  And to those who have lived amongst the saved, an seen first hand the wisdom that comes even in poverty, I say this you have seen Christ in all His majesty.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.  For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.  Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Growth and growing up.  Are they the same thing?  Are they interdependent?  The Lord’s calls us to both but are they truly separate segments of learning?  The Bible is clear on both.  First look at the concept of “growing up”, becoming an adult, maturing in to a “well rounded” person.  In 1Corinthians 13:11, the Lord uses Paul to remind us of these necessary changes, “When I was a child, I talked as a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  I when I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

What could be so attractive to me about being childish, perhaps the lack of accountability, that it would continually drive me to deliberate and unconscious actions associated with the behaviors of a child?  Is there some endemic safety in reactionary behavior or shedding responsibility which makes it a desirable place to reside in time of trouble.  Frequently I hear the naivete defense used to exculpate responsible parties from the consequences.  The “I don’t know” or “didn’t know” excuse is so commonly used that it has become laughably the first expected response whether chief executive or child.  It must work and that is why they keep using it.  I wish that weren’t the truth, but my hoping that is the case does not make it so.

Thinking as a child when one is an adult is extremely dangerous practice.  Typically excuses significantly amplify or magnify the ramifications of wrong doing.  Ordinary behavior in the mainstream is blame, deny, obfuscate and deflect.  Very rarely are we counseled to just tell the truth anymore, we are now counseled to do anything but.  Perhaps they are removing Bibles from the swearing in process because no one could possibly be expected to make an oath for which they have no intention of complying.  This is the price of immaturity.  That is intensified in Christianity, because for someone to develop a mature faith they must first and foremost accept, adopt/practice truth and personal accountability.  It is impossible for a Christian to lie when they know that God sees all that they do or have done.  It is also impossible for Christians to shirk accountability as the Bible distinctly defines the responsibility for each Christian when infractions occur.

Utilizing childish techniques or escapism or prevarication are unacceptable for Christians.  This is a practice meant for the world of men and friendship with the world is enmity with God.  We cannot hope to mimic worldly practices and expect to achieve any freedom, acquittal or fellowship with God.  Being honest even in the face of personal loss or recrimination is admirable in Christianity.  We should not be tied to the circumstances but to how God will view and judge each or our thoughts, words and actions.  Growing up and growing are both necessary to mature faith in Christ Jesus.  We must first grow up and realize we need Him before we can grow in faith that He will deliver us from all unrighteousness.

It has been roughly two thousand years since our Lord came to us, defeating sin and death, providing an avenue for the salvation of every human.  It has been roughly one nano second since I have been challenged with thoughts of my sin and the difficulties in capturing/managing my thoughts and actions.  It has been roughly two hundred years since a group of people got together, defining a new nation that was supposed to be different than any historical republic in its ability to adhere to righteous principles defined by God.  It was roughly one week later that we began to influence and corrupt that foundation to conform to our own desires, morals and wishes.  Is there something for which close is not good enough?

I have roughly been a good Christian, in that I don’t cheat, steal or commit murder/adultery.  Just as roughly implies limited accuracy or precision, I have always come close to the mark or roughly became what I was supposed to become.  What is that missing statistic, that range of imperfection, that zone of incompleteness that keeps me from the bulls-eye?  The margin for error is where I reside in my unwillingness to surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ.  Six can never become seven.  It is representative of the “roughly” category in which man attempts to reach God through his own means.  I can never reach perfection.  Even if I were to maximize my gifts, talents, treasure, philanthropy and psychology it is a destination that will forever remain roughly unachievable.  Roughly the reason for my misery is that I have never fully accepted the necessity for surrender.

There are many things that I would be okay with just coming close; my job, my house, my car, my relationships, none of these require perfection.  I would be okay with a house that almost met all my needs or a car that had everything but was not the right color, but not so with my relationship to the Lord Jesus Christ.  To be with Him, I must surrender to His changing hand to become like Him.  And He is perfect, so becoming like Him requires that I give way to that perfect hand in His ability to conform me to His likeness.  I cannot achieve it.  I cannot stand being roughly, sort of or almost like Him.  The only path to reaching that goal is through surrendering to His hand.  Therefore my unwillingness to surrender is the “real enemy”.  Sure the voices of the Lord’s enemies will always seek to capitalize on my rebellion, assisting me in turning away from God’s Will, but it was me who displayed the disobedience at the outset.

Father I pray for an obedient heart.  I pray that you build in me a disgust for “roughly” achieving Your Will and Blessing.  Make in me a heart that refuses to accept any thing less than complete surrender to Your Perfection.  Deliver me from dependence upon anything but You, even when that foundation is my own strength.  Make of me Your Perfect creation so that You may delight in the Work of Your Hands.  Give to me a submissive spirit.  I love you and do not want to miss the mark.  Let my flight be true.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen.