Not about what I want Lord, I have disobeyed, willingly ignored as if I didn’t hear or know your commands and dishonored your name by my prideful sins throughout this life. Even now standing in the Good Courage of Your Holy Spirit, I must admit my lack of readiness for your presence. Please forgive me, instruct me, allow me the opportunities to choose right over wickedness and Your Will over my own.

This shame was made for me to wear, though even now I know that I will be washed clean of memory and guilt, I respect this pain as it reveals how much I hate offended You Father. In My moments before learning and making change let me reside in the full soul pain of my error that I may remember until necessary the dishonor to Father and Family. I am not that man anymore and don’t ever want to be again.

Grace is not exception of excuse for unGodly behavior of worldly will and impulse. You clearly did not give me this gift that it may cover my sin in continued expression but that it would cover me in Christ’s righteousness that I may be forgiven and remain in Your Presence. This time in the world is precious that I may find shame in what I do and joy in what I do not. After all this is the one chance I have to be conformed to the image of Jesus.

Desperately I want to get it right. Having done so much wrong in the past and even now continuing to err or omit in sin it is my lasting desire to be free of the pestilence and offal of man’s desire. My tears are for humanity to live absent the sins of mankind and our collective/individual past. To live truly as a family in forgiveness and without regret. For none have fallen short and all may remember and understand the pain that You must feel.

Father, I know that I have upset probably more times than is possible to recall. I not only ask forgiveness but sanctification to end this ridiculous process that hurts everyone. Perhaps I should rejoice in this pain as it is the only way and perhaps the evidence of Your Love just as Joy is the evidence of Your Holy Spirit? I certainly do not know everything right now, but this I do know that I want to get it right tonight.