Maintaining a level of, dare I say zealousy, over time is the most difficult part of faith.  It has been easy to manufacturer fervor in the short term when threatened by momentary stresses, but continuance in dedicated worship, prayer, praise and practice is arduous.  I somehow feel as if this is something which falls in to the realm of the unachievable for man, that maybe it is the Spirit of God which gives us the ability to sustain.  Lord, am I meant to stumble so often?  I appear to be walking on level ground with solid footing and good light yet I trip on every speck of dust, is that even possible?  Must my faith be so paltry that it cowers at every unknown turn, each moment of darkness or thunder?  My inability to get this walk right astounds and confounds me.

You cannot be impressed with what you’ve seen Lord.  Lack of humility, apparent lethargy to learning, insufficient discipline and a general desire to depart from Wisdom’s Call at every opportunity must grieve you continuously.  That is probably the only thing I have an endurance for is messing up, it is clear I can do that in perpetuity.  Thanks be to God that I cannot save myself for I was damned from the outset if that was all that was available to me.  I see now that each time I thought myself up to the task I was in fact deluded by my own prideful urgings.  Lord, I am so grateful that you have never left me, I know that you love me, thank you for not doing so based upon my own self worth, for mine is in short supply.  Sometimes I believe myself to be the Christian who demonstrates lessens to the world around me not by being salt and light but through sloppy instruction in the world of what “not” to do.

Help me to once again right my ship Lord, before I am again cast overboard.  Teach me to control this viper of a tongue.  Let me bail the water from my bilge and learn to keep my vessel warm, safe and dry under the shelter of your grace through dependence and adherence to Your Word.  I cannot imagine how You have been able to use me in such a state of continual disrepair.  I do know that I am Yours for the trials, tests and opportunities to minister arrive regularly and I am so grateful for the chance to make a difference for Your Glory.  Shape me Father into a worthy container, appropriate for the Water of Life.  Let me feed Your sheep with food that You have provided.  Give me words of encouragement and hugs of endearment with which to comfort them.  Let me be a good example for Christ, so that some are drawn to the cross instead of repelled by my poor witness and character poverty.  Forgive me for falling short time and again.  Praise Your Name Father, let me be like Your Son, Jesus who is Worthy to Open up the Seals on the fate of mankind.  Amen.