Never tiring of the tests, I become weary of hesitant response.  Must each door be as before, carrying the sweet visions of delayed desire, substance, power and dream.  It would seem that some men will never learn as they yearn and fall for the same snare at each encounter, exclaiming, “what’s this trip wire”, as they gently pull it releasing the red flare.  Must the money dye explode every time in my face as I stop at the red light to look into the bag of goodies I’ve extracted?  Must I be yanked back by my belt as I step in front of the same bus at the same red light as I get out to run?  If there is a record for number of times falling for the same gag in the same manner wearing the same old tired shirt.  I certainly own that shirt.

Show me doors, show me three tunnels, ten tasks, two that are clearly noble in each iteration and I will invariably stumble through all the desperate paradigms prior to being forced in the righteous choice as elimination’s result.  Am I beyond learning, resistant to change, growth, sanctification or transformation?  Or do I have an affinity for emotional trauma as I must request extraction by HQ each time I am ensnarled, embroiled or busted, sitting on a bus smelling like a old satchel?  When then does discernment arrive, how will I recognize it having never met the two of us in passing?  Am I a ship that passes the other ship, always at night, always dismissing foghorn, lighthouse, following blindly after whispering siren, straight upon the rocks each and every journey?

Oh, you say it is good to be upon the rocks, having lost it all, it is perfect positioning for a new round of remaking.  I say that I have had enough.  No more leaping before looking.  No more following my nose or other senses, nor pursuing the desires of heart.  For those have proven wicked at best and down right filthy, evil and untrustworthy at worst.  No, I have found the measure of my success in listening to the voice of God alone.  That is why it has been so important to be trapped in each of these predicaments.  That I might experience, recall and annotate the voices of wonder or endearment that beckon me on to splendor only to leave me wasted, doused, singed and recalcitrant upon the granite steps of my own conditioning.  It’s okay falling down does teach one a certain capacity for rolling to avoid concussion.  Oh, so now he is turning this into a joyful event.  One where the golden kernel of wisdom is extracted, even from tragedy of apparent human ignoramus et ignorabimus.

This folly is the joy of my existence, for it is the mystery of my own malfunction.  A play in which I am cast as the hero, the nerd, the jerk, the soldier, the scientist, the wanderer and the saint.  The joy is I get to wear each of those garbs and experience each life, until of course I find the correct path, upon which I was meant to travel at outset.  Dad always said, “if there is a hard way and an easy way, guess which one of these you are going to choose”?  Thank God that I bounce well and the bruises clear quickly, cause guess who’s gonna bump his head in the same spot on the same low lentil at the same intersection each time he travels this trial?  God has got to have a sense of humor and perhaps he enjoys my vaudevillian comedic ability to push the same button each time as the anvil or piano waits on a fraying rope overhead my position.  Wiley Coyote, super genius, he snickers just before plunging over the same cliff, holding the stick of dynamite from the last 32 episodes.

Some day I will learn, I just hope that I have a whole lot of them left, otherwise there may not be time to get it.  For now, I will look and listen for you, Father.  That is the only thing that seems to allow me chaotic avoidance.  In You I trust, all other things seem to blow up when I unwrap them.  Thank you Jesus for such a hard head.

Yes Lord I want the good parts, the salvation, abundance, love and joy, but I understand, especially after studying your word that there is going to be some real tragedy for which we must be centered and prepared.  That is the part with which we need your Spirit in order to “count it all joy” as we are told in the book of James.  This world isn’t easy, ain’t lately Father I am seeing more and more of my Brothers and Sisters caught up with worldly concern. Not simply because they’ve backslidden or wish to be disobedient but because the flow of information, chaos and negative influences is so spurious that they struggle to keep up with simply data processing.  We know that we are to remain hopeful and that even the struggles, the trials and to some extent the pain is meant for our own edification and your glory.  I ask of you mercy for those who are having a difficult time in learning how to lay down their burdens at the cross.  Father send them some clear signals that now is the time to learn the skills mandatory for an overcoming spirit in these end days.

There is too much focus that we lose focus, in a never ending attempt to back up move forward or angle in to get the right shot, we simply forget to shoot.  Nothing gets done in a world that is basically quagmired in the frustration of too much input.  Father, how do we effectively compete at our jobs as if serving you, when there is too little time to juggle the few moments we have to give our families?  I know those are awful excuses, but they are real to us here Lord.  I know that you are a God who understands our burdens for you lived in this world.  We are struggling thinking ourselves not good enough because we are constantly reminded of our inability to catch up or keep up with the moving pack of humanity.  Are we simply to detach and begin playing our own game?  Are we “drop our nets and follow you” as many of the original Apostles were beckoned?  We don’t want to drop the ball, yet with the churches turning into such worldly semblance of businesses and our families becoming detached and distant before our eyes, regardless of attempt or effort, it becomes hard to see ourselves as truly functioning Christians.

Is it okay to let some of it slip through my fingers.  I mean do I have to be joe everything, to everyone?  Is it time to get really focused on the few things that matter, God, Family and Country?  I don’t want to let you down Father but I may have to let the worldly functions drop in order to get all this done in timely manner.  Oh, I don’t have to do that.  You mean the reason it hasn’t been going my way is because I have been going my way alone?  Father I cannot do it all, yet I still struggle to do just that.  What is my version of insanity that I cannot let go and let you step in to provide a solution that isn’t even on the list of my options?  I get it Lord.  Make you first.  Concentrate on Love, Prayer, Worship and meditation in Your Word and the rest will follow.  That seems too simple Lord.  It seems that if I take focus off of the things that need to get done that they simply will not get done.  Forgive me Lord as I know so many will say that is counter intuitive.  That is why it is so hard to do, because it requires me to understand that I just don’t understand.  A humbling principle.

Father, let me go to rest this night with you being the last thing on my mind and wake with you the first thing in the morning.  Let me start the day with prayer and the Word and leave the rest to you to sort out.  I will continue to work with diligence, hard work and imagination, but I will not try so hard to figure out that which seems to over whelm me.  I will simply trust in you and love my family and my neighbor that they might feel valued.  I will encourage others and even myself and leave the outcomes to you for in the end, they were always yours anyway.  This old world can go its way.  I will render unto Cesar that which is Cesar’s and render unto you that which is yours.  I am yours.  Please forgive me for trying to rule the day.  You are my Captain and My King, My Rock of Salvation upon which I tie my boat daily.  Thank you for all that you do.  It is after all yours anyway.  In Christ’s Name I pray, Lord Jesus the King.

There is a grateful moment of relief that comes when each person arrives at that embarkation line where they have determined that no matter what they will keep fighting.  After all it is never my body that quits running or says, “I’ve had enough, I cannot go any further”, it is my mind that makes that determination to pack it in, quit or remove myself from the field of battle.  Being honest we must admit that we never quit a race because our bodies gave out, we quit because our will to fight on gave out.  This is a doubly important moment, especially for Christians, because we realize that if we are here for the fulfillment of His Good Will and Purposes for our lives. Then the time I quit, give up or am called home is entirely within God’s Will, not my own.  Additionally, we learn that since the Lord will provide for all of our needs even to the performance of the impossible tasking that dependence upon our own capacity to prevail is removed from our thinking. For it is no longer each of us who fights alone, but now God fights through us.  Nothing is impossible to him who believes.  I cannot fail, cannot quit and certainly cannot go home until God calls me there, so I might as well determine to stand my ground.

What are you battling that is overwhelming your spirit?  What voices are you listening to that are telling you that you aren’t good enough, strong enough and that you will inevitably fail?  What reasons is your body or your mind giving you for getting off the battlefield or staying fearfully upon the sideline bench?  I know this is happening, because these are the tactics of a crafty enemy, who wants you to believe that it is about your worthiness or your ability to surpass these challenges.  That is not what the Gospel teaches us.  Quite the contrary.  We are told to believe, especially in those instances where the tasks are beyond our capacities as human.  We are taught to believe on His Righteous, His Power, Authority and Devotion to complete that for which he sent each of us.  The battle is truly one of making a decision and then getting on the ship headed to the lands to which he has sent us and frankly never looking back.  The decision is the battle and once made the rest is learning to depend upon the Lord in all things.

Praise Be to God that He gave us hope beyond the chaos of this World’s Understanding.  I cannot Quit, why can’t I quit?  Because once I made a decision to follow Christ, I knew that I would do the impossible thing through Christ who strengthens me.  Oh, and that voice that keeps putting you down, whispering to you that you are not good enough and that you should be fearful and quit.  That my Brothers and Sisters is the voice of the enemy.  Isolate it and isolate the voice of your own will and “DON’T LISTEN TO THEM”.  My sheep know my voice and another they will not follow.  You are in the flock of Almighty God and it is only the Good Shepherd’s Voice you need ever hear from here forward.  Silence the others.  Silence your own heart.  Be at peace. Make a decision that you ain’t getting out of here until he lets you out of here and that means you’ve got one thing left to do.  Armour up, Stand your ground and know that God is delivering you the victory he promised to deliver.

In Jesus’ Name.

Wrung out Lord.  Wasted, even my appetite gone, the will to defend my position dwindling, I look to the hills from whence my rest comes.  In charge of nothing, answering to no one, owing no one, loving all and listening, the closest moment to freedom for any man.  Listening to your breeze bristling past my wristwatch, my hands folded, head down, trying not itch the wounds soon to become scar.  Not hopeless, not helpless, not victim wishing for some release from circumstance.  Just a man, serving God, knowing that in this one I gave it all and made it back because He gave me the rest.  It is a tearful event to realize when tested you remembered.  A relaxing day following the time that you truly believed and it was captured for all to witness.  Certainly there were a straggling view who had awful things to offer, but that is what comes from poisoned wells.  As for me and my house we will serve the Lord our God.

Lumps along the length of my tongue make it hard to swallow and even funnier to smile or sing.  Dashing would have been my reindeer handle as I slalomed through each cactus gate, looking down to challenged footing, I got lost in the race even to the loss of time and space.  Bumpy brow they call me now, good those things couldn’t penetrate high grade titanium.  I sit here now content at the foot of your throne, looking down, for my eyes are not worthy to look upon even the feet of you, my Holy God.  Then I remember how much you’ve loved me and the memories remind me of the smells in Mom’s Kitchen, the gasoline garage, king of the hill and my cousin Bill.  Lord, if it’s okay with you I just want to sit here for a while dressed in the white robe you’ve provided.  Clean, unencumbered, empty, except for the love in my heart for you and for them and the memories that you will allow me hang on to.  For now it is good to be at rest.

When tomorrow comes you’ll have to wake me, for I would rather stay here and continue this conversation, but you won’t have to spur me onward.  I will be ready to go Father, for these words, the same of my Brother Isaiah will be fresh upon my lips, “Here I am Lord, send me, send me”.  I don’t know what is next Lord, but I am your man, warrior, priest and prince and will armor up as dawn bids me set forth toward the sun.  But this is what I craved when upon battle’s field, my rest, my peace, hope and refueling only found in Your Mighty Presence.  May I rest my head upon Your sandaled foot and slumber til the morrow, knowing that my head touches the mighty heal of God.  Thank you for once again bringing me through the trial and delivering me when I had given all.  There is no trial beyond my completion within the Hands of God.  And that proud day when I am rewarded with the greatest gift a faithful man may reason.  Then will I take off my warriors garb at last and take my place within the Body Worship to sing my new song before the throne of God.  In Jesus’ Name.

Websters.com says that inalienable is not transferable to another or not capable of being taken away or denied.  So, if being born is what assigns me the unalienable right to freedom, then the enemies of that freedom would most certainly align against that moment, that instant where my rights may never be taken away or reassigned.  I reflect on what it means to be born with a right.  Can that be something that man has assigned, given at the moment of removal from the womb, and how does one define that moment that an inalienable right endowed human is assigned that right.  I guess we would have to look to a judge to determine that moment when we are in fact, “born”.  But wait isn’t that placing within purview or jurisdiction that which we had primarily defined as beyond the determination or interference of man?  And if a right is assigned a person, how does that person receive that inalienable presentation?  Oh, now you see my craftiness.

That’s it folks, if you are an American and you believe in inalienable or unalienable rights then you by that assertion believe in God, the assigner of those rights to freedoms we hold dear.  And if God assigns those rights, then he also knew us in the womb, calling us by name before our birth, so how then may we say that the moment of birth is when the rights were assigned?  Is it perhaps a battlefield of prebirth that our children must escape those influences set against their arrival into the dimension?  And since, we have now established that you believe in God, otherwise you cannot possibly believe in the concept of inalienable anything, how then may you possibly be culpable in allowing them to take something that was never yours in its assignment?  If it cannot be removed by man how than am I a man capable of removing my own rights?  For example if I disagree with a judge that I have the right to privacy, does that take away my right to privacy?  And if I say that I have no right to privacy does the court now proceed as if I had no privacy right from the outset.  What if I don’t want to be free?

Okay, you admittedly by placing your faith in the Constitution’s declaration that you have inalienable rights have indicated a belief in God.  We now understand that God knew us in the womb and is the assigner of the inalienable rights.  And additionally, those rights may not be made forfeit by man, which would leave any of those with psychological impairments in dangers detrimental to their own freedoms.  Where does that leave us with regard to abortion?  Cannot be taken, cannot be denied, given by God who knew us at the moment of Conception, not simple removal from the birth canal.  Well, by God it seems that we have an inescapable conclusion of enormous proportions that the “baby” or fetus as they would legally prefer to refer to the soon to be born baby within a woman’s uterus, has inalienable rights and the fact that a judge presumes to be able to determine that they have the capacity to alienate the children from the rights is in itself an abomination of the Constitution’s intent.

God loves you all.  He is no respecter of persons, but the blood of the innocent cries out to him for justice.  In God We Trust, the rest really have little to say in the matter.  In the Great Name of Jesus Christ the King I declare that the unborn should have inalienable rights to freedom assigned them by God who knew them in the womb and no one has the right to transfer or take them away from the child.  In Jesus’ Name.

Why do we crave peace?  Is there some central understanding among men that at some point all men wish to set down their arms, cease argument and live normally without perceived threat or air of danger?  Are there actual, literal forces at work attempting to inhibit this joint arrival at an armistice of sorts?  What would such a troop gain from ensuing chaos, continued division, interruption of normalcy or a return to balance in humanity?  And if there are no such forces then why is peace so elusive to us all?  If we crave it so why don’t we work toward it more, seek it with all of our hearts, fiber and formis mentis universita, a collective form of thinking determined beyond all calamity to achieve some lasting peace in the world?

Perhaps, we don’t really want and rather just discuss it as a good form of conversation to seem relevant in the mainstream discussion.  I mean no one wants a warmonger, so appear as opposite we must consistently refer to this illusion or peace to fit into the common stream of thought pursuance.  But maybe we don’t want peace, maybe we want the calamity, the excitement of the chaos, the unknown, undetermined, Wild West stagecoach robbing, sky is falling mentality that gives those who would be king an upper hand?  I mean you cannot take power or keep things out of balance without the injection of inconsistency.  What if we really don’t want peace and that is why we never see the components of its active pursuance on the planet?

Maybe it is beyond our scope of achievement.  The nirvana, beyond the horizon, unreacheable star that remains an ideal that always remains an inch beyond grasp.  What if we are at our core people who crave to be in some manner of disarray and quibble because like Momma said, “Don’t mind him he just doesn’t know any better”?  Are we that frail, that simplistic, that under evolved that we can only imagine peace never achieve that lasting rest in social discourse and agreement?  Really that seems a bit hopeless, but after all it is a possibility.

What if there are components within the paradigm who would lose their authority if peace were to be achieved?  No one needs to spend billions of dollars on standing armies as long as there are no dangerous foes waiting to land upon your shores or show up on your door step.  What if they know without doubt that if peace were to rule the day then their lustful quest for conquer of the innocent and authority would cease to exist?  What if the hopeless pursuit of disagreement at any cost is their objective as this is the state of affairs that perpetuates said authority?  Could there be people that evil who would resist peace as a means to maintain dominance?  It is hard for a peaceful man to comprehend that lane of thinking, to imagine someone so determined to have power that they would see all others cast into the raging seas of violent turbulence to further its establishment.  Perhaps, it is just as hard for them to negotiate around the islands of a man pent upon living in harmony with the world around him, even to the point of voluntarily giving up some authority.

Maybe it just isn’t time?  Did you ever stop to think that some seeds have been planted with a long term germination intended?  What if we crave peace, because the Prince of Peace is the only thing that can bring that lasting peace?  What if it is an encoded yearning for the righteous order that will only come when Jesus arrives for rule and reign, setting all things in their natural intention?  No, that can’t be it, you are a bit off your rocker so to say, perhaps you should slide back in, reseating your self?  Peace is something we crave, if we don’t crave it then most of us agree that there is in fact some error in our thinking.  If we want it so, cannot achieve it no matter the effort or cost and cannot seem to get it out of our minds as the pinnacle achievement for humanity, then we must reasonably conclude that it is a thing of a hopeful future.  What is hope?  Hope is belief in things yet to pass, yet to be seen, which is by definition “Faith”.  Faith in what, man’s apparent incapacity to stop lying, cheating, beating, deceiving, enslaving or killing his fellow man?  No, faith in something beyond us that will provide the answer to the unanswerable question that remains upon our tongue at the edge of our minds, how do we find that peace we all crave.  My peace surpasses worldly understanding because it is the promised peace of God that is given me for the asking, by God.  If you want peace, find it with God.  In Jesus’ Name.

He loved them enough, enough to leave heaven and make the journey into the caustic daydream that he might offer a sacrifice grand enough to be enough for all was owed and none might pay.  It is not enough for me to try to live a life that meets the measure of my own good understanding.  If that were enough then none of this would have ever been relevant and wouldn’t now be struggling with our growing or ebbing faith.  This play in which we’ve been cast was written and designed by much greater thought than yours or mine.  These rules are the plans of God and therefore the payments, challenges, worthiness and gifts follow his understanding, not mine.  Try as I might I cannot imagine men giving up a perfectly lived life that all people might have the choice to live forever, be redeemed to the Creator and live their lives now free from the burden of sin.  Those are thoughts entertained by a greater mind than mine.

Since I was never able to be enough, being enough just doesn’t matter.  For this thing this grand redemption is something planned, executed and extended as a gift by the Hand that made us.  Therefore, for simplicity’s sake it is enough simply to say that His sacrifice was enough and in so doing acquiesce to the guidelines presented.  And in so doing understand that this gift is something that continues to grow, replenish, provide and preserve each of us in our journey to splendor.  It is enough to say, it’s okay Lord I believe.

What pressure remains to a man who has already relented to reason, purpose and direction?  What journeys are too long, arduous or intolerable within the Hand of God?  How many days must I spend in conquest, defeat or mediocrity to make this life worth the living, when living it is the meaning for which I have been selected?  It is enough to enjoy it enough because without the price having been paid in my stead, it would be all that I ever would have.  So the promise of eternity is more than enough to make up for the sadness of not being rich enough, charming enough or talented enough, to become someone who might be remembered in the annals of humanity.  For I meant enough to God that He sent His Son who was more than enough to pay the debt which I would never have had enough to pay.  Jesus, More than enough for me.  Amen.

Where is my forgiveness found?  Did I find it that moment when the child looked into my eyes, embarrassed, ashamed offering apology?  Was I born with it, a youngster capable of letting go of each trespass, easily suffering no lasting implication?  Maybe, it was the day she came back and apologized for straying, having learned on the road the importance and rarity of a man who will stand beside you?  Perhaps, it was the day my Father nearly knocked me out or tore my hide so fiercely because of his drunken rage that I knew some were just given to crazy?  All these taught me the meaning of its riches, my forgiveness was found the day that the Lord forgave me for the horrible man I had become because of these unfortunate experiences.  That was the same time I learned about true, unconditional love, that we all talk about but few understand.  He loved me completely at my worst possible moment, forgiving me where I stood with no requirement but my own willingness to admit my circumstance and ask for help.

How then should I approach the world, having seen such fine example?  Should I rage at their misgivings, holding them to account for every misstep, mistake or encroachment?  Shall I harbor resentment when I know they possess neither the understanding nor insight necessary to awareness?  Shall I disbar them from my organization, finding them unworthy of my approval?  Shall I hate them for standing there watching me in desperate straights only seeing what this world has conditioned them to believe?  At what point do I become responsible for my own actions, manicuring my own yard, tending my own accounts, guarding my own children from the dangers that ought be expected?  To what responsibility do I hold my own willingness to forgive those who have offended?  Can I forgive the Clinton’s or must I hold them in contempt, this somehow pronouncing some manner of judgment over their atrocities?  What does it mean for a man to forgive his enemies?  Is this an easy thing?  Perhaps, impossible.  But isn’t that the expectation to which I am accountable?

Forgiveness is the key to contentment.  The grudges I hold, hold me back.  The angers I compartmentalize turn into plots for revenge and fester.  The forgiveness I withhold bars the blessings of God from flowing through me.  I love you and in so doing must forgive what you’ve done.  That doesn’t mean that I must remain in good company with you if you are unrepentant and believe it acceptable to carelessly harm those around you, but you have been forgiven for that is the power of Christ.  The Holy Spirit gives us understanding beyond our mortal perspective, that we might see that a person who today does not see his misery, may by throwing that rock at my back, tomorrow surrender to Christ.  It is an impossible thing to men to forgive enemies, but a normal thing in the Kingdom of God.  They do not know.  I pray that they will know and that they too will be forgiven as I was forgiven on that faithful day of my awakening.  For now I pray that maybe they see God’s Face in the wake of my forgiveness.  That is the greatest thing that I will have ever done.  In Jesus’ Name.

Does it matter that it matters?  Shouldn’t we be removed, isolated, disengaged, uncaring, unresponsive, untouched by those around us, their opinions feelings and moods?  If this is my planet and I am the captain of my ship, who cares naught for the crew, for they just be hired hands.  Acceptable to simply forget the one person who has fallen from the ranks or the two people to whom I owed forgiveness and apology or is there some internal obligation that requires it is consequential, what they think?  Does it have to matter?  Is it possible for each of us to go our own way, blinding and silencing ourselves to the abominations and plights of the world around us?  Is that okay to just live your way and if something pleases or displeases it is collected or discarded based upon that criteria?  How do we view the man who cares about them all?  Just a fool perhaps to be pitied for caring he ought turn casual eye?

This thing hurts, this life.  It hurts to see everyone going through it alone, tired, hungry, cold, disenfranchised with nothing but a sad story of victimization that earns you nothing but a handful of change.  What a predicament when we first become disengaged from humanity.  Not only those who are the outsiders but the insiders themselves, who must develop, accept and project a tapestry of understanding upon the world that they see the haves and have nots and avoid or engage upon that understanding.  Yes, their stories are atrocious, they are difficult to ingest and frankly easy to sidestep, ignore and forget while set about more important things, the things of “my” day.  But isn’t that even more evidence that each meeting is a test of my own perspective?  For if I view them nuisance, then I have made a discerning judgment based upon my need cylinder that places my time, assets and treasure and schedule above those things which God calls precious?

They stink.  Yes, and so do I, it is just that I have fresh water, soap and even a hose if necessary to wash from me the troubles and perspiration of my walk in this world.  I know what it takes to be a pleaser of men, that I might be classified as a Have and find myself acceptable, relevant, passing muster for every occasion.  What if I were to forgo my hygienic rituals for several days or even a week?  Oh, then I risk becoming unpleasing to the masses, avoidable, inconsistent with public norms.  What if I took every homeless person, gave them a shower and a meal at the beginning of each day.  Would they then become relevant or remain expendable to our imaginations?

Each of us was crafted by God.  Some are having a harder time reckoning that fact than perhaps I have experienced, but all are important to Him.  Perhaps the next person I fail to ignore, truly loving them as God intended me, might find in himself the spark to reach perfect understanding.  Will I take the risk?  Will I pay the price of forgetting my own endless appetites for gratification, necessary to taking care of someone else simply out of obedience to a holy and righteous God who first saved me?  I don’t know folks,  I hear so many complaints about homeless people in every city but see so few actually trying to do something about the problem of their disengagement from the body public.  Perhaps no one cares or no one is watching and I will not be held accountable for the sheep I have ignored for my own purposes.  Ah, but I know different.  I serve a God who sees all, accounts for all and will be requiring of me an explanation for what I have done with the assets given me.  Does it matter that it matters?  Well each of us must answer that question from our own hearts.  In Jesus’ Name.

The open accessible book is easy to chastise, critique or pull out in use to demonstrate hypocrisy, disbelief or pride.  It is known and cannot escape the reasoned analysis any who have read its opened pages.  But there is power in transparency, for a man with Jesus written on his heart, on the binding of his autobiography and on his hat is a man who may not be mistaken for anything other than who he really is.  Do we crave that transparency in our lives, our work, play and government?  For that is the only true method of accountability, that men know who you are what you have done and are doing in and out of the public eye.  This book is here for you to read, like it or not you have the authority to choose to like it, ignore or attack.

I don’t want to escape for that attempt is clear indication of lacking contentment in what the Lord has assigned for my life.  I am accountable for my actions, steadfast in my belief and ready to love, not just as a reward for deed or an attempt to gain some pleasure, but because I truly do love you.  Many mistakes I’ve made and continue to ascribe to the columns of my self inscribed history, but these are not the troubled mistakes of a desperate man who would hide them in shame or reason.  These are the mistakes of a man who knows he is forgiven and is called to be holy even as my Maker bids me be like him in holiness.  Yes, I will falter, fail, stumble, mumble and whine, but it is what I do next and the truth that you see in my life that is truly important.  For if I am ambassador of Christ then my actions on the planet before men are the only things that matter to that role.  Therefore look upon me, you will find fault, you will find frailty, yes you will find all these things and more, ignorance, pride, misunderstanding, envy and pride.  What you will not find is a man who either wishes to explain these things away or hide them from your vision.  I am what I am, and that is sufficient, because God sees all, I might as well stay consistent with that understanding.

It is all worth something.  Read the book, love the book, hate the book throw the book, it is all done in choice.  My life is open to viewing and I know and understand all that this means.  Thank you Lord for allowing me to embrace transparency in its truest form.  I love you and praise you with all that I am.  In Jesus’ Name.