This letter was received today from a Sister who has been walking with her husband in the Spirit within this ministry. I thought it a wonderful testimony to what God does with us as we continue to follow and abide in Him. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be part of this wonderful sanctification shared in this congregation. We are blessed by the unity You have shared with us. In Jesus Name may you be praised by the Joy of all who read it.

Dearest brother, thank you for your service to our country.  This Memorial Day we remember and honor all those who gave their lives for our country. And we think of all our military and vets and their families who made the decision to serve and protect our country so that Americans can live free. May God bless each and every one.

I hope you’re doing well and getting rest and not working too hard in the AZ heat. It’s beginning to heat up here in our home and of course the air is feeling heavy with humidity.  

Your last few bible studies have been most needed and appreciated.  Even the ones that were cut short were wonderful lessons.  Thank you for always giving us the truth in the Lord’s Word.  I always feel the Holy Spirit move me through your teaching.  It’s a wonderful thing, you’re such a blessing.  I have written down the names of many in chat and pray for them often.

We both practice taking our burdens and dropping the back packs at the feet of The Lord, and it’s such an amazing gift He has given us.  When we try and control certain situations, they either flat out don’t work or things get worse.

I definitely can recognize cues that will send me to despair, I can recover more quickly from it now because I Do recognize them and make a choice not to go there or stay there.

Thought I would share some of my Philippians 4 list and then update you on what’s going on with us. 

P4 List:

I have many animal and children videos, one is the one you posted of the little girl conducting the church choir – oh my gosh, that was pure delight.

It’s been a thrill to find that the peony roots I planted last spring are growing, I thought only one or two had survived but all eight plants have popped up through the ground and are getting tall, don’t think there will be any flowers this year, but I can wait for the blooms, maybe next year.  They’re one of my favorites.

And our magnolia tree is filled with blossoms, so beautiful and fragrant. My Husband picked one for me the other day. 

I usually go out into nature, to see those things that God created, flowers, a spider and his web, a tree, it’s so amazing and powerful that it makes me realize I’m a grain of sand and the Lord is so great, He has control.  I’m still finding crosses in the yard.  What’s amazing is while walking through leaves and debris and sticks in the back part of our yard on a little path, “The Dog’s Way,” stopping at a precise moment and looking down at that moment and seeing a cross.  

Holding hands and giving hugs, always cathartic.  

We don’t watch news on tv and will stop everything when we feel the need and pray, we do this more often now.  

Also, good old belly laughs about the most ridiculous things.  

We have our adorable little Dog that God sent to us – it’s impossible to see him and not smile – he’s the funniest little thing and the smartest little guy, he can steal your heart in a second.  He cracks us up when he tries to move his bed all around the floor to get it just like he likes it.  He usually likes to position it near the doorway and top of the stairs so he can keep a watchful eye on everything. We love him so dearly.

On sleepless nights from fretting over something, it helps me to watch one of your bible studies…I’ll just go back into your videos and pick one based on either my memory about one or just randomly pick one.  I always find peace. 

Love to watch the live DC eagle cam of Mr. P and Lotus (the first Mrs. was Flotus) and the new baby.  It’s amazing to watch them build the nest and sit on the egg, a job they both share and protect and feed the eaglet.  And watch him build up to his first fledge from the nest. I entered a contest to name the babies Honor and Glory in 2017 and they chose the names.  

Your sense of humor – makes me laugh and also wait for your grin before you sign off.  Also when you just bust into song.  I know I should say ‘burst’ but I like saying you bust out singing praise to God. 

Getting out the box filled with notes, cards and letters from the kids written to us when they were kids, funny and moving, so precious.

Singing hymns and listening to music.

There are many more I could list but these are some highlights.

We are both having physical difficulties as we get older…My Husband will be 70 in June.  It doesn’t do any good to whine about it, actually, a sense of humor is the most helpful with a side of empathy.  My Husband finally went to see about his hip which has been giving him a terrible time.  An Xray showed his left hip was bone on bone.  The DR told him to think about a hip replacement down the road.  He/My Husband isn’t ready to take that on right now and he doesn’t want to go near a hospital right now.  He is now taking something stronger than Tylenol but has to be careful of his stomach.

I was sick with a very strange thing I thought was going to be shingles.  I broke out on my right side, rib, waist, hip areas, felt nauseous, tired and just unwell but no fever.  A few days later, more break out on my right shoulder and down my right leg. It itched like crazy and looked like chicken pox, (had them as a kid).  I read where an adult could have a break through case of chicken pox or shingles…of course they’re closely related.  But definitely looked like chicken pox.  It all lasted about three weeks.  Still wonder if it can be related to being around people who’ve had the shots and boosters.  

My struggle will always be with my legs, they’re more prone to injury now since being damaged years ago. Several months ago…I was in a rush and climbed over a baby gate, (we leave up to corral The Dog when we go out) catching my boot heel, crashing to the floor landing hard on my knees.  Then damaging the back of my legs again, pulling the tendons from exercise and a treadmill that likes to stop suddenly.  It takes a long time to heal because there’s a fine line with doing too much and not enough. So I’m hobbling and struggling right now but grateful that I can still do things.  It also makes me have to slow down and have more patience.  Praying for healing for both My Husband and me.  My Auntie asks me how I can take my injuries so well and I say that I’m grateful I have them, it could be so much worse and I rejoice in that.  

To see the people at the Rehab center where I take my Auntie each week is so humbling.  This facility works mainly with amputees.  These people are fearless and committed, they want to walk again and work so hard.  They don’t want pity; they want help and guidance.  My Husband took my Auntie to her PT in my absence one week and became spellbound watching another PT working with a man whose legs were curved and bent inward.  He walked with arm crutches.  She had him going up and down a set of stairs which are about six feet in height, he made it all the way until he got to the very bottom, then fell hard.  It’s human instinct to want to rush to help and My Husband wanted to do just that.  The man said he was ok and told the therapist to just get him a chair, he could get up on his own that this happens all the time at home.  The PT wasn’t alarmed, she was calm and let him get himself to his feet by his own power.  My Auntie’s therapist said that it may have looked cruel to some but they welcome situations like that, as long as they know the person is ok, and that is where he needs the greatest practice. 

We are trying to fix up our house before we get too old, while we still have strength and stamina so that we can move to a smaller place with minimal stuff, God willing, with less upkeep inside and out.  We’ll be doing as much of the work (which involves a lot) ourselves as we can to save money.  I do pray God will give us the physical abilities we need get it done.

It’s funny, as we age together in marriage, there is somewhat of an additional kind of intimacy, beside the obvious of course.  We complete each other in different ways, he walks for me when I struggle and I am his arms when he struggles to lift them high enough to reach something because of his back.  When he has to carry the dog down steep stairs, I’ll grab the back of his pants and belt to make sure he has his footing on the top stair before he descends.  He’ll carry things I need to the car for me, I don’t even know he’s done it until I’m ready to go and will meet me when I get home to help me carry whatever is needed.  I’m not sure if I’m making sense or not and don’t quite know how to put it into words.  It seems like such small things but they’re not, they’re filled with love.  It’s hard to remember now when we weren’t together, coming up on 45 years this August.  I wonder if we’re starting to look like each other? : -)  

Getting older is interesting and sometimes scary when looking into a mirror and wondering where all the years went.  But certain things just really aren’t important now.  I have friends that do all kinds of things to keep looking youthful, eye lifts, botox, fillers, laser treatments on their faces.   I never have and never will, they can always look to me to see what they would look like without any work done, although I am starting to look more like their older sister now.  Hah!

We have drawn closer to the Lord and His word in these tougher times.  I know we ARE stronger now than we used to be and more patient to wait and trust in The Lord. You’ve been a big part in helping us with this,…and continue to be.

There’s been bitter disappointment and sadness finding out the truths and darkness of this world and betrayal by our own govt.  But our feet seem to be set firmly now.  I know I don’t crumble anymore at what I see unveiled.  I find that I will pray after reading a difficult piece or before if I know it to be so. I can still be shocked but I get over it much more quickly, I want the truth.  We’re waiting on the Lord’s timing for whatever and whenever things will happen.  I still believe there is a plan and God is using Trump for His purpose. I pray for discernment in things I read and people I follow.  

I’ll end here before this chapter becomes a book.  We think of you, pray for you and love you every day.

May God shower you with His love and bless you in every way. Have a wonderful day.

Much love to you,

To defend every thought, every question as if freedom depended upon it, is tiring. The Word Police randomly sample and content all speech leaving nothing to discussion, simple debate or reflection. Everything must be ironed out the moment it is said such that those around me have become silent not wishing to fight over every dangling participle or unrefined hypothesis. We used to sit around and throw things out there, ideas to be tossed around and made mature or useless by those reviewing, commenting or improving them. We have stopped working together, even now our representatives in Congress stay home most days and the bills that they put forward are never handled in committee debate but rather are hand delivered by pundits, PACs or lobbyists. They no longer need to verify their own votes even abdicating that august privilege to some agent or donor page.

Have we so strained the good will in America that now we are the owners of permafrost heart. Incapable of disagreement, unwilling to see perspective not our own and ill prepared to do the work of those who expect concerned thinking about important subjects. At least important to those who are being billed to pay for them. Slowly we wander into irrelevant spaces wondering why we have lost our potency and prowess. When to gain freedom and power we must make an effort to care about what others have said or are going to say if they ever get the floor to say it. There are changes that must be battled but simple poor manners may be changed immediately in the realization of their corruption. Time for a moral transition not some balance of budget but change of heart. Stop being mean for the sake of being mean and remember what honey brought you when the bleach never worked.

Intestinal gratitude and a little bit of cherry pie go a long way to creating a happy society. Not every one is going to get along but half the disagreements these days are conducted simply for the sake of the two parties having forgotten the modicum of good will that follows a bit of good manners freely given and accepted. Perhaps for once instead of labeling someone in pejorative we could pay them compliment or who knows maybe not start out every conversation telling each other how wrong we are, entering into certain debate and unresolved conflict. Have we lost all reason and knowledge with regard to simple good conversation? I am not condoning a sin session or party atmosphere in which to conduct good business but rather the preparedness of a good attitude and simple kindness may render in the most difficult circumstance or negotiation. Must we hate or is our tool bag so limited that the hammer is the only tool we’ve brought to the table?

Which Simon, what has he said and why pray tell must it be done without consequence of consideration? Blind members of the groupies that follow orders thrown down to people from balcony or parapet. Threatened by the mention of removing comfort that itself became the enemy. What then shall be done when God says obey yet your children are washed in filth, changed before your eyes and carried away as plunder to the plague?

We are an adulterous Lot, caught in salt pillory immortalized in our sinful lust of the eye to return and create Giants, demigods and embrace the whisper of mystery and pain. Shall the immortal call of a life without God win over the eventuality with which are gifted. Look twice upon my foolishness or fact and assign label to your quest or perish in ignorance. I would enjoy saying that it doesn’t matter your decision but each of you being precious to the Creator each one that goes the fallen route is taken with great loss by me and much larger by the King.

This is no longer a fast lap track in circles but one with import and consequence. Look to your steps and how they have somehow changed of late as each one taken away or toward is assigned weight and measure. I would love to tell you that things just don’t matter but the massive gravity of my words fall heavily from my lips that I may no longer deny their mass and legacy. This is the time of decision and pain, walk and remaking. The time when all things of man are reviewed, revealed and remade or torched in the eventual bonfire of humanity gone wrong through the deception of lurid sin.

Reluctant to walk away yet knowing that the words in my head and mouth were ill conducive to growth or encouragement. Not a thing of Political correctness, but a breath, a care a few moments spent in prayer readiness for the rub that certainly must come. Looking over the broad expanse of meadow a lonely sheep stood where the forest hill curved out of sight. What made me the recipient of God’s peace was not the simple, unending offer of its comfort but the understanding that I need it to be free from the man that was made in this world. I must be him, not me and the only path to likeness is accepting His powerful mercy, comfort and Love.

Star struck by the mysteries of frequent direction, guidance and hope as the Spirit Masterfully leads me into knowledge of Truth. I need not pursue it myself as a quest for some equivalence but rather simply ask and reveal my hunger for growth and life and all its accoutrement come simply. As child not in age or bearing but in manner thirsting for the next idea, I approach God in humble inquisition. What he delivers is never inadequate, always challenging and in its memory and equipping for the battles and floods of life. Equipped by the Master not by mandate but by a doting Father’s provision, when spending time in His embrace I am more than prepared for the seasons which come upon me. Why then would I chase after my own conquests, I want no Kingdom but service in God’s Own.

Of which salvation the prophets have enquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you: Searching what, or what manner of time the Spirit of Christ which was in them did signify, when it testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ, and the glory that should follow. Unto whom it was revealed, that not unto themselves, but unto us they did minister the things, which are now reported unto you by them that have preached the gospel unto you with the Holy Ghost sent. 1 Peter 1:10-12

Earnestly infrequent. Characteristically unfervent, tested and instructed in the hands of time and reason. Sharpened by host, the Holy Kind, in tandem with the likes of men’s throughout age. Personified by crimes against wisdom sans chance in the pursuit of a romantically disestablished comprehension of the wheels that move the bus forward. What pliancy offered to resistance existent is feathered and protected by powers asunder crawling out from under the chassis to see the mechanisms as whole.

Where to said focus to cumulene? How dragged and dogged the evidences persistently used to clarify the unreal or uncanny grasp upon a reality you’ve neither defined nor dispelled? From whence and hence does ancestry contribute to the tunnel we’ve born beneath the fabric and controls of ticking clocks and time bombs. Traps lain for the inoculated footsteps of man thinking himself impervious to the ravishes of design’s program. Marching into never land with a glimpse of immortality dissolving before it may ever be found. And crowned nightmare in the duplicity of our own minds and the predilection to accept reason over rhyme, marmalade over honey and fashion over substance.

Trees adorned with knowledge as if databanks written in the rings of Ash, and Oak and Hickory. What made us so pliable by the wings of folly’s promise? Armed with cavalcade and white wash the outside shall always present the calm that exists not within but the pious focus of optics and clarification. What manner of man stands for things in which belief is neither found nor encoded? These are the things that make up gravity, that force bosons or electric pulses in one direction as opposed to the Z plane into which they may be frozen for eternity. Where is this place that man may find peace resounding? Only in the design of the Designer where mercy abounds for the wicked and the nice. Twice dodged does not infinity become.

How becoming has this path ensued. Formed in reservation and joy’s remorse, plotted by feet inclined to find harmony not discord and the unity of all things. What power drives the rivers beneath surface as they flow to seas untold? What mannerisms gird a man to the defense of the wall encircling the infirm as they themselves the reason for existence and the cause of power. How shall faith be formed if not found within internal chemistry? Hope is never happened upon but sought, never reluctant to help one see beyond calamity, never relied upon in doubt, but belief. Why then is this merciful component the essential element to survival? If dedication to survival of fittest than those Supreme Race Beings ought forever prevail. There is no reason for weakness of secondary forms, yet they do in fact reside with the potency of hope and faith, lacking doubt to defeat the cause of science and continue without explanation.

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Lending frequency to misunderstanding many stand alone victims to their own quest to be found correct. Friendship is not a wanderers prize but born of intention and an operative will to seek the answers in social difficulty and discomfort. Why must we be alone to seek reward of accompaniment? Resisting our own contentment and completion we kick against the goads with all we meet preparing them for the fallow ground of our rigid expectation. How awesome the day when I have nothing to say but let everyone be who they choose and win or lose refuse to recuse.

The leniency of assault and the soft landing of unfavorable experience equip comradery with appropriate solace or salve to the misunderstood or wounded. Walking alone is battle, never choosing to have one’s back covered rather determining assault or fear as mates. Do not wander the paths of rich experience avoiding all the messy missteps into the care of others simply to remain unscathed by the emotions and hardships that are endemic to relations. Pry open the cans of possibility and promise to find even when disappointed the gains of growth and recall. Memories though often stolen by time are treasures equipping us for legacy. A bad friend is a the best lesson one need in the valuation of true love and trust. having been betrayed one aligns with those in greater measure of character and truth.

Though perhaps measured on the fingers of one hand the quality of those few of my friends is worth any limit in their number. Knowing these people has made me better, not of my own self measure but the interaction with their grand qualities. Remember the friends you gain are the treasures that make it through heaven’s passing. I am inured with greater measure of all good things of life and its promise by those who make decision to remain in my company. For without entry into the bonds of friendship we may never be coaxed by those who know us best into becoming the men we would never become without that prompting. Do not fear the sharp edges and rough surfaces of life found in those who would come alongside your vessel to improve skills of navigation, perception, battle and provision.

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And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Romans 1:27-29

God's Word on our times and the effects of turning away from His Objective Truth to our own self worship in subjectivity.

In my arrogance I chose my own path. As trial after trial subjected me to the crucible of this world’s fire I knew my decision making to be faulty. I wondered why my heart was colored to depression’s shadow? In the inevitability of this life constructed by one infinitely more wise, I found that in self direction my heart is a dark place and not therefore to be trusted. Thankfully in my reprobate hell of mirrored reflection I saw the wickedness within and was shocked at not only who I was but at what I would become remaining on the current path toward the Lake of Fire. I went to the source of Truth and found in God’s Word the Truth mentioned above and faced the decision that differentiates and separates all men. God or me, bond or Free, to see clearly or be turned over to my own house of cards for eternity.

Must I remain in the testing ground, the Refiner’s Fire of this world and find transformation through suffering and wisdom in experience? Well it has always been choice. The choice to live, the choice to endure, the choice to be filled with the Hope and Joy of eventual Glorification and Eternal union with God. Now I may take what is pure and prostitute it or transmogrify it, consuming and exchanging its naturalness and innocence to conform to my wicked perspective, but then it is no longer the perfect thing that God has made it, but now my strange flesh of decadent disobedience to God’s Will. The choice to reside in righteousness is never one done alone, nor is the path of the wicked absent God’s offer of Grace. He loves all and gives all the free will to choose life or its absence. Equally, once having chosen God’s Grace He comes along side the boat as we travel this life to teach, guide, secure and make certain the path of those having chosen His Truth instead of our Lie.

We say in absolute clarity that the path ahead is unknown, yet to the Christian that statement is no longer true as we dawn the helmet of God’s Salvation with indwelling of the Holy Spirit’s Power that created everything none may say that this access is impotent in its tremendous discerning insight into the Creation God alone understands. Those choosing God find comfort and guidance in the storm or quiet and those who diligently seek Him are rewarded with a level of wisdom absent in self fulfillment and dependence.

The taste of purity and the path of righteousness is frankly greater esteemed then the addictions of my own impoverished contemplation. When trusting in Self I was always hungry or thirsty for another round of whatever it was my heart lusted. In God I found a contentment a satiation, fulfillment and a full belly, heart and mind. I discovered the access to request a peace that surpassed previous understanding washing me in the comfort of goodness and the hope of everlasting, covering the pain of trial with the knowledge of purification through experience faced with Joy and Patience of Spirit. I am no longer stranger to my God, no longer subject of the jailer who seeks my soul, no longer slave to the sin of my imagination but rather a Free Man indeed basking in the Light of God’s Infinite and perfect Truth, forevermore.

No antidote nor force in opposition to Love. It is precisely powerful and functionally formidable to take out even the strongholds of heart and mind. No safe space may stand against it for it permeates the cracks between space and time. No man, nor spirit may evade the power of its call upon even cell nucleus. Nothing may stand in its passing, nor pose adequate shield from its absolute dominion over every thing and person inside the Creation it governs. Hate and fear cower at its mention, for in Love all God’s Measure is plainly perceived.

Calculating, tabulating, iteration upon trial upon attempt adds up to something that has not yet been perceived. The shape is nebulous a form like any we’d seen. Glasses firmly pressed against foreheads and the protective lenses show sharp contrast to the blinding light bouncing off the back side of our retina. Who knows where this road leads but we are following with reckless abandon having never paused to check with God we are certain in ourselves. Life begins when we say that it shall and no one may make us the wiser. As we liken ourselves to pioneers setting out on maiden voyage we are so damn impressed that it will be impossible to keep faces straight at the award ceremony. Nothing shakes us expect the impossibility we seek to surpass. We are beyond what we dreamed of being. We are superman, Nephilim, a product of master race, determined to find our own way to paradise or create one of our own silencing God in process.

My path clear, downhill, uphill, damning the torpedoes while ignoring the human cost as we will never pay it. This is a scientific dash and dine on His tab and we shant pay back what our rules say may be taken for none the wiser have lost control of me. I reminisce about the unimportant, the relationships lost, gained, entertaining for awhile jettisoned for the particles and passage to the unknown, always suspecting that which shall be found the other side of midnight, beyond hell’s gate in the laboratories and cells of reason and science, the Hall of the Mountain King as many have quested shall be ours for the keeping. What blind hope measures a man prepared in expectation of capitulating to the Will of God? How false, pitiful and hopeless those without imagination to see Knowledge and immortality beyond the distant ridge? We were made for greater things and shall delight in forgetting all that came before us as one forgets the kindling to stoke dinner’s fire.

This is not a dance of hope as those lacking reasons sharp senses patiently anticipate. No we shall eat, dining on the harvest of those forgotten on willing bosons, strong and weak forces propelled and partnered with gravity to force light around the event horizon, disambiguation our prize knowing all truth and falsehood and just when or where to apply each to gain the quantum keys to heaven and beyond. What may stand against us an immovable cadre of spiritual elephants, having never forgotten the edicts we were taught and made to follow. We follow no more but lead into the dark places bringing with us the Alchemist’s fire that may never be extinguished giving sight beyond solidity and peace beyond solemnity, sovereigns we may never fail or falter.

Harken unto the masters of daylight’s equipping. We your gods beyond gods made stone and fire by reason and knowledge, by purpose and importance we shall lay all to rest that serve no purpose in our pleasure. We won’t show love as weakness falters in the presence of the sacred ellipticals and harmonic resonance of universes crying out in majesty, conducted in syncopation by our orders and mass. We are the weight that bears gravity asunder, the discerner of worlds, the destroyers of all that was weakly wrought by a pitiful Sovereign who Loved Creation Much. WE are the mockers with intention, Free to subordinate that which was meant to rise above. We shall erase all mention of those powerless to maintain their history and the worlds shall prostrate themselves at our brilliance.

Poverty’s hand leapt at our arrival, draining all blood, bone and heart from the wanton world. In provocation we dare the Almighty. We thrust our sword into every harvest, every righteous life, light and vulnerable or pure breath left inhaling. We are the haters of Love, the maligners of right, the siphon of life, crept nearly to the heart of man, we shall feed until all light grows dim and suffers. Our time has come and men are so fruitful the foundation in their never ending appetite. It shall be easy to take them all from God’s loving hand as they want to leap from that Mighty Palm into fiery lake, it takes little prompting. He has offered them everything that from us was taken, yet they will follow our deception, our myth, ignoring the Truth they know to be real for the darkness of heart and reprobate mind. We will feed them, to the maw of the dragon, consuming all in fire and leaving naught but ash as remembered service to our hunger. They have chosen unwisely they have chosen to serve those who leave nothing in their wake. We will steal, kill and destroy until nothing remains and then we will stand far off from God’s paradise knowing what we know, immortal and free.

Into that sleepless night I mumbled the intelligible. Words with no semblance or connection to this reality fell from the stone perch of my palsied frown. Why had space given me so much freedom and no courage as deadly blow after swinging pendulum mistook me for a French intruder. Gaining wisdom as all memory passed before my wakeful eyes lending me sudden understand, precisely when I needed it least, as I face the end of my days. Crushed by relief that time had for me called my chit, There is no bargaining without chips, no credibility without a Truth measured against your name, no place to wonder when the desert Knows you’re there.

Why had I forgotten everything about engineering, machinery and gadgets exactly when I needed that learning most? What fallback supported my continued existence if I could not find the Spirit of McGiver somewhere deep inside my thought processes for that skill set would be the only personal salvation I would observe. And judging from enormous blank I had drawn, tighter than a mercury seal on a vacuum, there would be no hope for this child warned by Mom and Graced by God. Delivery is what I most needed unfortunately I had reached that dry moment when God offered no more moments for contemplation and decision. My gas was gone, air used up and title revoked, apparently God wants me home right now for some strange reason when I have amounted to nothing for Kingdom or Family.

Faith is reason without an explanation or expectation. My view of this world had summarily amounted to nil on God’s Worthometer. I stood bereft of reason, accountability, science, emotional intelligence or a solid sense of morality. I would say it was by chance that I became someone of standing but we both know who is responsible for all blessings having been bestowed upon this poor fool. My answers were humbly sharp and my love dismally given for wanton gain. I had made decisions to save myself from making more subsequent choices that we all know must be made this side of dying. I viewed God’s Will as a nod and a wave, hoping that I would never have to explain to anyone what this life truly entaialed. For I had a some total of nothing to show, nothing to say and nothing to revive me from the unpleasant slumber to which I now was headed. What does waste not want not mean any way?

Inordinate tragedy born of the Greek Soul but placed in the Iranian emotion as weeping about the joys of love seems odd to a Russian. We knew discourse, we knew rambling, we knew how to serve ourselves in a host of languages but had forgotten how to mourn. Nothing throne to the ground evoked our pity, especially those who couldn’t find their way from poverty. Eating a dog is not that hard. It simply requires that you are the hungrier dog. Displaced from the stark concept that I had always been wrong about everything, I stood alone a giant, casting aspersions upon everyone for all would know my rage and contempt. Humanity was a swollen sponge waiting to extol its colored passions upon my freshly waxed floors. Hate was an insufficient word for the foul odor that now filled my mind, Raw, acidic, suppressed wrath bit my tongue nearly twain as I could not imagine more painful end to the forgiveness lacking retribution I sought against all of them. There was no going back nor everlasting light for me, only darkness, fire and dry spit, gnashing and blaiming everything upon God himself.

We were right you know, but the simple fact that it had all come to pass as He proclaimed left me wanton. I could not measure my loathing breast against the apparent joy that powered those who chose to believe what I knew certainly was folly and fairytale. A God who loves me enough to die to buy me back from the sin that I chose is weak, impotent and disturbing. Now they thought and lived like angels when all the world was to be MINE. As each remaining moment flowed as speed bumps on an endless culdesac, I jostled to raise my eyes to see who stood there in my dying fame. All I could see was Love. The Love of my Family, my Dog and my God looking at me not in shame, misery or the hate I shared for them, but Love. Upon that final sight I would chew for eternity sharing my wages with those who loved their sin more than life itself.