Is there something that truly matters? Character perhaps? If you don’t believe that try doing something that will ruin you at your job and within your family. There are few things that matter in life more than the brief moments of experience. Having been the participant of good decisions as well as some truly awful choices, given the redo would love to step away from our worst decisions. Not just the act but the horrific impacts of some decisions follow us our entire lives.

My history is a land mine of poor choices. Certainly, I would rather discuss in open forum the challenges and grand successes, but there greater public impact and example from the times I have truly blown it. Therefore, often I begin with the worst and hopefully will get around to the best to be fair. As the lasting impact of my successes though brief and wonderful or at least positive to my self-esteem are less favorable to the shaping of my character then I previously understood. My worst moments may have been my best.

I lacked good, solid, healthy formed character for the majority of my youth. Seeking attention instead of love I became a performer for anyone who would listen to the song and dance. The things I did to get that attention were often ghastly. Children must be taught a Biblical understanding of the mirror of commandments from God’s perspective so that they have a measure against which to determine their road. Many young men I counsel these days threw away ten to twenty years of good reputation all for the sake of sin fulfillment.

We are in this life together and will often stand bye watching those with poor or immature understanding continue to be their own worst enemy. To me, those who taught me and those around me applauded my ignorance and foolish acts almost with a sense a sadism at watching a life implode. None of us may blame anyone and escape personal accountability but many of the poorest actions taken by those around me could have been prevented by a strong influential word or staying hand.

I don’t like the willingness to exhibit weak character and oft times find myself stopping these days before taking an action because of the potential for negative life impact. Perhaps the greatest learning is that there will always be some measure of yearning, even for the wrong thing, such that we must develop a good sense of self control to avoid that negativity. In Godly reflection other people must matter more than self. What I do to them carries greater impact to my character than the harm or mishaps I create for myself. Therefore, in maturity I must test ever intention and drive to see if it will solicit or create an adverse effect upon those around me. Love, after all commands this understanding.

I am not afraid of making mistakes, I am conscious of their potential for lasting impact. I am continually upset by my exhibition of poor behavior or making totally self-centered decisions that should have clearly been more well thought or not taken. What of my meanness or terse retort? Everyone that knows me sees that lack of perfection. However, I serve a wonderful God who gave me the power and intelligence to rise above my simple lack of skill or emotional understanding to do the right thing or say the encouraging instead of critical. Now that I am no longer afraid I may look back on well-considered action and see that in rare moments I am exhibiting character of a man I never thought to become.

Lord, let me be reflective, conscious and mirror your righteous choices. Let me step away when there is no positive impact upon others or to be seen in my own outcomes. Let me walk in the Spirit and do the right thing, say the right words and think the right thoughts that at some distant moment I may be thankful I took these right works. I know that I am not what I’ve done Lord, but my works still reflect the poisoned or healthy heart within my chest. Let me have a pure, considerate and thoughtful heart and defer or step away from the opportunities to display poor or lacking good character. Let me be like you. In Jesus’ name.

On to Lillibar. Holding thoughts to bare minimum. Constructing avenues through dendrites and axiom via highways of disrepair. Expectant of fires on horizons yet contemplated or seen. Places I’ve never been on ground fresh and sullen. Swollen with possibility and promise. Lies may find no deep seed in ground so pure and passion free. What lilacs and Lilly’s tell of preaching bells and pirouettes. All for the purpose of pure joy and reason.

Where is doubt to be found in answered promise? How lively the step of men once terminal? Where, the destination of those who had nothing? Perhaps, the simple breath of men let loose? Holding high the torches that defeated night and the onslaught of impending dark. We found our way to those valley’s beyond the seeds of nightmare and gravity. Into a smidgen of perception we followed the splintered light through keyholes and cupboards.

Has pain now left us as old, accustomed friend. Leaving us ready for the better things to come. Upon which we placed our hope only to know them before that end is realized. That day, for which we believed shines oh so near out at the limits of my foresight. We are relieved in the air and water that seems somehow healed of poisons and displeasure. Seeing children in love, without fear chasing the endless possibilities of dream.

Dance with me, not for passions pursued but for the sake of giving honor to the well spring of joy and life yet found. Everlasting has always been before us. We have now the eyes to see beyond the torture of boundary and break. To see into what once was void now ocean of understanding, expectation and limitless idea. We have stepped across the threshold to marry God. And those things we shall see and hear will fulfill the promise of Divine.

Safe and sound is seldom found for broad and potent wings shall cover thee. Harbor checked and feelings kept in winter the creaks reveal tempest rage. For together in the moment is a breath solemn provided. To quest for things beyond the love and vast hope of rings. Marries us to instance and episode.

Bedecked in merriment oft ill presumed folly. As tarpons and terrapins venture the vast and dangerous sands of waiting. We must return to the expansive assumptions of youth to temper them in experience. For tales told of old must be corrected in the sublime reason of today’s perspective. To be rekindled in magnanimity.

Too frequent in pulse and reverb to pause. To august for spring. To nonsensical for the comedic. Hope defiled by those lost in the turgid expectations of blasphemic importance. What reserve must be governed to release the dams of reason and encouraging festivity? What relief may be offered when no sustenance valued?

What prayers coat the waxen and the caustic? Who presumes to know things before revelation? In what manner may a man speak and reword the Divine without interpretation from the Heart and Spirit? When do batteries become irrelevant as they are tossed aside for internal verbiage and tranquility?

What powers the powerless? What fashion is so forward that it astounds and provokes? Who will stand in frailty before the passions of the innocent? Who will stamp out the light of praise and hope as all look to the sky expectant? What will stop the unstoppable and forgive those claiming to have that authority?

Who may be your King, someone in whom you have no doubt, disobedience or alternative? What is primacy? What is fixed and true? Do all things sway and vacillate in the universal understanding? Must we expect anchor, threshing floor or anvil from which all that is right may be constructed?

What is your Hopeful Truth?

Forgiveness and hope. Seeking, finding, forgetting, losing, remembering, wandering through hallways of dark moments and that brilliant saving light. Being what I should not be, not loving, fearing, walking inconsistent with the calling to spread the word of God. Does it matter the object of my searching heart, especially when seeing my awful behavior and lack of the fruit of self control? There is no place where that is okay.

Some things just need to work. For when the storm comes against us we must be standing hand in hand against it. No amount of salve will heal the desire to listen to another commander. I cannot calm the storm, only the spirit within me. Each time that I attempt to legislate, control or navigate unknown rivers or difficulties I should expect that failure I so often receive. For I am neither in charge nor want to be.

Find your place in the sun. If it were to be with me then we would be seeking the light and place of equal understanding. There is nothing wrong in one person saying, “This is where I will be”. Nothing wrong. However, it does indicate that it is a personal, unique, choice made by one party that is inconsistent with both parties coming to a joint decision in sun and spot selection. Things are as they are and when a good things sours, it may simply be the fault of a lack of commitment to follow the same road in joint decision to find their place together.

This is not my place. It has not captured me but is a way station to fulfill the calling upon my heart. It has been a proper waiting place to conduct ministry and wait upon the blessings that were presented as unexpected possibilities. To plant roots here would end my calling. For my calling is clearly one of evangelist, pastor and perhaps a sliver of prophecy. There is nothing wrong with someone staying here and putting down roots, trees, bushes, fences and family. However, that choice naturally separates the called from those meant to do ministry right here. Much the same as church vs. missionary. One stays the other goes. I am to Go.

The Lord gives us opportunities to make choices. He lays before us those things of our own intention, contentment, resolve and will that are not wrong, but are choices that will inhibit or even end the calling and fulfillment He intended for each life. I have been given such a choice in the quest for family, that has been absent much or even all of my adult life. To accept this answer to prayer I must relinquish the power, mystery and joy that comes with a mobile ministry. Frankly, a very hard thing that required voluntarily giving up those aspirations of self for that achievement consistent with God’s will.

The answer was always evident. Those who are in my family will either love me from afar or take up their cross and go wherever it is God’s Spirit directs us. For this is not the end of the road, only the beginning. If this be a way station to that fulfillment then amen. If this be a place for their roots to be planted deep next to the river then I say Too, Amen. For neither is wrong, only following that which God has placed upon their hearts. My choice has been made and my bad behavior a result of the struggle between your cause and mine. I want to love and am truly sorry that I have been made bitter, angry, frustrated and unloving by trying to conform to the calling of another heart.

I must lose it all to gain it. Including my desire for the white picket fence and family holiday reality. Why? Because my poor behavior is evidence that I know that choice will defy God. I cannot defy Him no matter the gain in this world. For this is not my world, my country or my eternal life but the ground of testing which is what I am experiencing right now. Choices like them or not must be made and my choice as I said has already been made, My Choice is Christ and that means loving my family enough to let them go in order to fulfill God’s Will.

I wish that we all understood, in time perhaps that will be the case. All I know is that I cannot be unloving and find unity in purpose and family. My exasperation is in disservice to a good relationship. Therefore, I must be true to my calling and love my family from far away as I fail up close. If people don’t want you around there is a reason. The reason they don’t want me around is because I squirm, trying to be comfortable while constantly being chastised for being inconsistent with God’s Call. It is simple logic, yet when affairs of the heart are involved logic becomes evasive and complex. I love you and will continue to do so, but I will not subject you to the bitterness that arises when I am out of synch with the Spirit of God. In Jesus name.

False Authority and the brutish push to make people perform my wishes. I never had the ability, though sometimes I intended to bulldoze those who were vulnerable enough to mirror my thinking, sight and demands. But as a Man of God walks he learns that Moses tried this as did Aaron and lost to God. For it is a nasty and foolish ideal to wrestle with the Almighty. I do not want people to suffer the trials and expectations of my worldly man. They should rather be free from me and go about joyfully finding hope, peace and comfort in their own pursuits.

People will do what they will do and if they will not listen to reason then the wise man disappears and falls back allowing all to make the free will decisions God has granted them. For sometimes they too must feel enough loss and pain or chastisement of the Lord to be purged of the things He would take from them or give them. Or they must make a choice in their appropriate timing without rush or recommendation. My greatest change has been that the urgency in my heart for God’s unfolding plan may not be transferred by osmosis, suggestion or even brow beating. People must grow in their own time with God. Some have had to forgive me for pushing a bit too hard in the Spirit of Urgency and clocks winding. I am sorry. The time I have will be used for better things than arguing or berating others into alignment with my desires for they do not belong to me but to Him.

He alone should be their guide. He alone shall I serve and none other, excepting the brief Brother, Sister or peaceful partner who wishes to paddle alongside me in this canoe for His proposals. I love, that does not mean that I will fall in love with everyone simply because I have heard their good intentions. A man, especially myself must be tested and in the empirical observance be found worthy of trust and favor or departure. Most people are good and have good intentions and heart, but walking in the life of discipleship is so unlike this world it requires a special amount of evaluation to see if the intentions match the footsteps.

For many times I have heard the word only to left on the side of highway or forced to walk away from someone because their words, vows, intentions and heart pursue something in a worldly neighborhood far from the scarce grounds of spreading the gospel. If it is the house, the dishes, towels, mirrors and foyers that a man seeks then his concerns will be upon his manna, not the people surrounding/needing him. I have been bought with such a price that perhaps there is no one who would want to align with me for I am sold to righteousness.

I find that as I seek things in the world: houses, trucks, relationships, approval that I weaken in my dedication to the ultimate prize, fulfilling God’s destiny, “every millimeter of it” for my life and those around me. I am responsible not only for self be those who may fall short walking with me, so we must at the outset be dedicated to that end, the One God has created for us.

This nation, our states and each individual is in the middle, perhaps in the early stages of the greatest tests and challenges that we shall ever face in this lifetime. To that end there is no wiggle room for me to operate at less than levels outstanding, supernatural in fact, empowered by the Spirit of God Himself living in our hearts. I want to be alongside you, but I cannot depart from the duty of my Soul.

My greatest want is that all given to my care find the fruits of the spirit from me to aid them in readiness. If there is a circumstance that inhibits that fresh/healthy transfer of His Fruits it must be questioned, challenged and changed or suspended in Hope that what I cannot do shall be completed in God’s timing, power and Crafting Workmanship. If my fruits are sour and terse then I am doing myself and you a disservice and must retreat to safety of testing, honing and shaping in God’s Hand. Joining me on that difficult, sometimes impossible road is a path that very few would ever choose. And I always counsel to choose wisely.

In the middle of my nightmare I awoke to see the Light. The air beneath my wings though brisk would never lift this kite. An all together helpful sort who never left the farm. In film and some frustration will silence all alarm. For the river’s not beyond us but here beneath the sand. And thirst of expectation is met without demand. For simple is so obvious and difficult absurd. Basic transformation provided in the Word. The knife an edge so sharp to divide the hard and soft. Transfixed by maturation spirit hovering aloft. When lies are obfuscation to conceal what hides inside. It’s better to simply tell the truth then be dissembler’s Bride. In the brightness of the morning the night had lost its power. And the grasp with the darkness became so weak and sour. Crimson and the royals, blue and august gold. Lit fire to the prophecies and tales so often told. That we laughed at our twisted grins and shouted at our sin. The doors had opened oh so wide showing where the race would now begin. Freely forward toward forever never glimpsing left of right. Our hearts and spirit onward so certain of the fight.

They’re sold for gold and blood run cold. To mimic the great lies each promised bold. No place to run by avatar, too bad this dimension doesn’t lean that far. In shame of pain and eternal flame. The lake of fire was always the fallen game. But man achieves what the dark deceives and is ushered into all that he believes. No Salt for Earth, no transformed rebirth. To find the dust that comes of all man’s worth. Into their dreams the only safety it seems. They cling to hate and anything that glows or gleams. The fight for self and presumed wealth no concern for youth or general health. A mass of want to be absolutely blunt. They seek to kill not just to hunt. Is this the time when difference clear resolved in images in hope and fear? Reverence for the king and everything that His Kingdom will bring. To pray for real peace and of His Majesty sing. Or stand on the edge of chasm wide with a horrific grin revealing what’s inside. Divorced from God for eternity or in eternal joy find us His bride.

In torrents of their game less pride torn lives and cities left open wide. No heart no sound no relief from shame in awaiting innocence we find their name. Harmful hands and thoughts of gain no compassion felt in other’s pain. In the wondering from reason we find their faith. For sigil, angels, saints and wraith. The moon is easy because it reflects the light and gives them guidance in the lasting night. But Long enough to discuss the dark in whiskey and the squeaking sark. These winds that blow ominous and foretelling. The tears that fall so long in welling. It’s coming kids don’t lose your hope in bottle deep and smoking dope. Sober men look not upon escape nor to some mutant hero in crescent cape. To the King and all He will bring no one worry about any old thing. For the dark has lost and long awaits. The prophecy which dims all fates. The King of Kings and Lord of All the season comes as trumpet sounds from every wall. No reason but a thing of trust will fill your sails as it returns all men to dust. What comes beyond the end of thought is all that Jesus has long forethought. We cannot save in law alone the price of life, this skin and bone. Only Spirit will find in time the answer to each song and rhyme. The mountain high and skinny path forgiveness for each and every crime.

Do shame and joy mix evenly in my tears? Do we crave the cleansing shower of the soul? Embarked, wandering, what panel of elders guides your heart? What discipline governs and stays the hand of your war chief? What character teaches him as he dispenses judgment and retribution? Are we raising young men who have vigilantly watched and know that their actions are right, whole and seeking purity of heart and mind?

Yes, having druthers we all would wish to walk with those we love on this life journey to the well spring of eternity. Yet, alone, in righteous reflection and conscious observation of our faces in this mirror of actions and paralysis, we observe obedience or self service. None of those I respected will stand in my footprints as I give explanation to the King of Kings. We are together, alone before the fiery eyes of God and our story.

The thundering voice of rushing waters surrounds my thoughts held captive to His perspective. This has never been a thing of me, only expression of my choices in the vast array of possibility. For in creation I am the tool of His crafting. In guidance the image of what His hand made, set for consistent work of kings, yet with freedom to do otherwise. In the ominous depth of His Word upon my Spirit, I pray in full measure to be found right.

Do I have some duty to this nation in arguing for goodness and obedience to our King? Certainly, I would equally be counted among robbers, if standing as the jewels were emptied into pockets with a lust in their fencing. This is the time to stand apart from wickedness. This is the time upon which my story will be judged, having taken up guide on for God or waving flag’s surrender. Will I be found of this world or the next as Mankind struggles in breathing?

In the desert of tossed ideas. A gasp, cough or frozen throat is often good. For in what manner do I measure the quality of those thoughts sponsored in narrow or vapid thinking? Though I am made in their image. A presumption of eloquence, depth or application especially having seen the vat of pride within, is tempting calamity.

It is time to move on from the attempt at being good enough for any of you. That is a fool’s errand a quest without destination a road dry, sans forage or fodder. May God send me those who appreciate my hue, virtue and brand of elementary humor. For to be in debt to someone expecting eventual love is fertilizer without ground to plant.

Control is of the Lord. Navigation is of the Spirit. Right, prudent and wise are of the Father. None of this was my creation only my doing to match or hatch the impacts of my intention, hope and failures. There never was any expectation of measuring up to a set of metrics born in the damaged hearts and minds of men set out on a broad, dusty trail.

Have I failed. I hope not and hold fast to the Promises of Revelation at meeting. Treasures stored up by faith are equally anticipated by that same faith to which they were gathered. What awaits is greater than the inputs and outputs of a world that looks to metaphysics and concrete fulfillment. There are no pleasures but joy through Promise and kids awaiting gifts.

Culpability, shame for the torture of the innocent, bullying of the vulnerable and prostitution of those things that everyone knows are right? What duty of knights or those choosing some measure of valor, honor and character? What pleasure in dedication to those things that keep the fields pure and the food safe from taint or tincture? What adoration of young men not having been poisoned, ruined or infested with the parasites or social degeneration? Is virginity of person and heart of any value in today’s shock value culture?

If your hands strangled not, yet you watched in timidity or voyeurism you would spend conspiratorial accomplice time in penitentiary. Why then are those who drug, infect or laughingly sell youth into sexual slavery and dangerous, potential life long wounding allowed to reach the pinnacle of wealth, power and political bastion? These are not easily answered questions by a population who does not want to discuss their evil. Those with sin do not want them brought to bare in discussion of accountability of corrective action.

More than half of the Mob rule democracy wish to remain silent about our afflictions as a nation. Not the political apology tour of the offenses of Capitalism, but the painful reality exposed by the analytics regarding a lust to consume children and hide the evidence. We as mankind are filled with a blood lust to do wrong. That should neither be applauded nor concealed as we hand out awards, medals and continue to condone the opposite of evolution. Especially when those with a proclivity for this wickedness hold up the light of man’s transformation as evidence they have become equal to or surpass the Perfect God who made them.

It is time for judgment. Not by my hand or mind, appointing myself worthy of such thought and proclamation. We have once again reached a fevered pitch of putridity and obeisance to self worship. A man who believes himself righteous is perhaps the most dangerous of all. For he cannot abide discussion of his frailties for there must be admission of their existence. No, the only path to perfection is found in rightful admission of our collective poisons, those things which we may not practice but stand action less as they are taken out upon those incapable of defense. There is always the opportunity or risk of sounding as if I am painting with the broad brush of my perspective, but it is to God’s Word, especially prophetic through which we see ourselves either seeking His righteousness or our own gratification. As men, arguably we have done the same things for thousands of years. Certainly the names and places have changed but the actions remain identical throughout our history. How can anyone claim an elevation of the species without evidence to the same?