Not just looking but seeing the parts of your self that even you refuse to forgive. Those aspects that are beyond self-control, repetitive agents of destruction staring back at you when you venture to review. These are the days that are so long to suffer. Seeing things that are true you wish weren’t, incurable moments where it seems that even the Almighty has left you bereft of His Sovereignty and transformation. No amount of depression, wishing, hoping or simply looking away changes that which should and must be guided into freedom.

This is the moment of surrender or departure from the miraculous hand of God. It is not enough to simply abide them or think that they will somehow self-correct. They must be eradicated or be taken from you leaving you to forgive yourself which must be done in loving care. There are things I would ask for you to sustain. There are things I would ask you to convict me of and there are things Lord My God that you will have to remove from me that are stubbornly destroying a move forward into truly loving the people before me in Grace.

The single common theme is the arrival at a departure from those things which have gone before. Crying out to God for assistance, knowing absent His intervention these things will either fester or prove too great to tame. I pray that you and I both are at that point of surrender, perhaps the only way to move forward in any endeavor expecting a different outcome than the past can or would provide. What is the catalyst? Well pain for one is the typical outcome from insufferable behavior as the people and relationships are repeatedly and arguably perpetually destroyed no matter how you tend them or wish for healthy abdication.

The answer is never found in more self-loathing, nor in wearing the hateful shirt they would have you don as they label you imperfect. These too are tools of the uncommon, may the Lord rebuke them in their unloving comportment. No, this must be done in love and surrender to God’s Almighty salvation. No other power possesses the logical control to find you to the other side and freedom. For whatever reason I have been an insufferable rear end. Standing here either in self-reflection or public viewing there is no other acceptable answer. As to the solution it will be found because it is consistent with the humble need for transformation and the conviction that God frequently reminds me. The failures of self are the learning prompts of the man I am to become.

I honestly don’t know the path that it will take me to arrive at destination. I am sorry that the pain this situation gave both of us was inconsistent with the tolerable. Run, certainly run. As the answers are beyond even me. Only God’s intervention will rid me of the particulars. Sorry, although necessary and assistive, is never enough to make up for the absence of good, repeatable character. The sight is always the beginning for unseen these aspects of inhumanity are repetitive and self-defeating. I forgive you for not hearing me appeal to the assistance of God and so much so for your commitment to walk wherever God is leading. For these parts of self died on the cross with Jesus and the realization of Grace is the only way forward to health, freedom and consistent agreement of healing to arrive at the freedom of peace given by Jesus. I know this on my part this goes no further and will meet a certain end in God’s Plan for this man who loves Him. May His Will guide, protect and nurture our everlasting.

A simple cup or bearer arranging flowers to carry in a handful of water. These are not demons I slay but former versions of self. No harbinger of dark times yet acid runs through these veins and the acrimonious song burns my lips. Yet flowers no more but the blocks and riddles of heaven. Gone, thank you, dismissed, you’re welcome crying overhanging the great drop to the center of the mind and universe. Do you wish to fall, landing the broken blessings of yesterday’s man?

Reformed, made to withstand and thousand greater heart aches and trials that would consume all previous thought manner and intention. This life given neither hampered nor dismayed but phased out of shape and time to become purpose and hope. Freed from the greed of a man’s lust for more. Taught exhaustive language to embellish and explain the purple dawn of a million unwed moons. This is too hard to hang on to tomorrow’s yesterday. It shall be set free.

Spit holding the sanctimony of man’s humbled tears to feed the footsteps of creation. Retarding the flames that shape and bond. World’s away, looking for the light of man’s distant fashion. Cupped in the palm of God held close for inspection, I am no more, just vapor, hollow thought. Looked upon, seen and forgotten by myself, remembered by someone greater than I may know. Ashamed and mesmerized that He knew me before the world dawned. Thank you for giving me nothing but a puzzle. Thank you for carrying within the seeds to end all wanton.

This life hurts because the next one does not. Though, I have begun living for eternity the pain of interactions, loss, betrayal, failures and wasted efforts continue to impress a heavy weight upon my soul. A weight making life more worth living, not that we voluntarily seek burden, but extraction must sometimes be undertaken to save that which resides closely.

What a sham, telling those around you that they are part of something only to have the rug yanked out from under them when the controlling parties make a decision to cut and run. Used by your own foolish adherence upon character, characters that assured this time was forever. Forever, is only for those willing to believe upon miracles and face whatever immovable object or irresistible force to say that We did it together, believing upon God.

Time to rededicate to those things that build everlasting and remain thankful for the pains that build tenor. Not to miss out on opportunities to love and unfortunately be hurt again and again, but to do so with less expectation of achieving some personal satisfaction instead the growth of soul. I am sorry that I expected, however foolishly to find those willing to walk through the fires together, even willing to carry the wounded or incapable at times as a reminder of commitment.

Sorry may only be said to free the soul of mistakes that mattered. Not said to somehow regain position to achieve once again the fulfillment of my own desires and projected dream-state. Rather, sorry that I did not honor God and respect you enough or remember the ideals of precious things in life enough to be awake in every moment. Not taking things casually or in flippant regard but instead giving them the highest value and honor they deserve as those moments and efforts that are worthy of accompanying each of us to heaven.

Failure to acknowledge the preciousness of life; people and circumstance will create the greatest lasting pain a man may feel. For in this behavior we may even see the need for this price to be paid for the sake of maturity and growing character. It does not mean any of us should seek this tragic mishap. We instead should revive our hearts and minds right now to take all of these wonderful things with us when we go, even those lost to those not patient enough to do the necessary work of tandem life. For they are not required to commit, it after all is always choice and since many may only remain if you treasure them so, it is incumbent upon the those of enlightened hearts to treat them better than they deserve so they never forget they are precious and leave the field of fire and effort.

Father God thank you for the opportunity to serve you and forget myself for awhile. I hope the periods of self-reflection continue to shrink to a point where I only see, hear and pursue Your Holy Will. Lord I am sorry for my impulsive or sinful action, especially those that lacked love and awareness. Lord may I seek first to understand what other’s are experiencing and then be understood. I am so weary of seeking my own objectives that deter what You have ordained for my favor. Thank You for making it so very painful that I never want it to happen again.

These are the days of peril for mankind. Lord direct me to assist in readying as many faithful hearts to stand in good courage in Your Wonderful: Protection, Provision, Promise and Power. Lord may we stand collectively for the Nation of Israel especially the remnant of the faithful as You intervene to cast off the enemies seeking their destruction. Lord as Jerusalem becomes a cup of trembling for the world let us steal our hearts to the fearful spirit that the enemy wishes the world to accept. May we remain steadfast in the Powerful seal of Holy Spirit.

Father God it is has become so easy to get caught up in the shiny, chaotic energy of a world seeking separation. May the faithful remember You are in the boat with them during every storm. May this world begin to fade in our recognition and instead the people become our concentration. For you so loved this world that You gave Your only begotten that they may be forgiven and in Your presence for everlasting. We must remember that they are the treasures that we may store for ourselves in heaven. May we DO Your Will on Earth as it is done in heaven. Father bless those who curse me and may I forgive the wrongs done me, immediately, leaving my heart free and fresh for Your Powerful Word.

Lord God may the overwhelming nature of circumstance reveal to me the errors and necessary changes in my heart. Through this revelation may I seek the change of Your Spirit and follow the direction to each transforming opportunity. I fear you alone Lord and look forward to having these stances challenged that I may be found enduring in Christ Jesus. I face this world in joy as it acts as change agent providing the impetus that my faithful eye may never deny, calling me to change and preparation for service and Your Glorious Appearing.

May pain, loss and great tests be turned to power and endurance in Christ Jesus. There is more than enough Love in God’s promises to reward the faithful. Yes, men are meant to reside together, especially those of the Body in Love so outrageous that the world is amazed. I have neither practiced nor maintained this love and am delinquent in offering radical love to the body of Christ. Forgive me, hold me to account and understand that I neither demand love nor deserve it but hope that you show God love in obedience by perhaps loving this unlovable man.

Once again I followed spirit and this wounded heart is stronger for the attempt and loss. I would rather fail bigly than escape the pain by being a coward on the sideline of the game in which I may find the words to speak in front of Jesus. Thank you all for offering and removing the promise of love. The only way for me to become joyful in the midst of trials is to face those trials that are both rewarding and painful. Sorry, that this one didn’t turn out in the previous category but I sure and grateful for the growth opportunity.

Thank you Holy Spirit for tolerating me long enough to let me see the light of my current failure. Thank you for using it for some unknown or yet seen good. I wish could have given you a certain win and once again sorry for making you change my mistakes to wine from the putrid water I distributed. This is the greatest day of my life, having lost once again something precious and feeling the commensurate pain I often expect will never come. Lord may the next time be my first opportunity to achieve something for you in righteousness, doing the will of God in Heaven.

May Hope attack you today. May faith be the language you hear and the Word upon your tongue. Find grace, mercy and peace in the challenge I’ve provided. Do right where I have achieved nothing but wrong. For you are the King. May this be the time of my humble servitude for your Glory. May your mighty name be praised in every corner of the world. May Your story be read every day to every child and cherished by the poor and wealthy alike. May dreams be the thing of Hope in your Return. Praise Your Holy Name. My King.

For His Sake. Whatever the path, whatever the intention, whatever the initiative or expectation, He will work all things to the Good for those who love Him and walk according to His Purpose. There is a running list of believer mess ups, mine being one of the longest. I am not first to make these mistakes just a clumsy man with poor attention/learning skills failing to adapt to direction. This too will be washed clean from my running confessions.

I have not performed admirably, but am continually blessed by His ability to show me forgiveness, grace and exception to those things I truly deserve. Praise God that it is not my effort that accounts for salvation, redemption, love or transformation. He is frightful and I fear Him and love Him asking Him to forgive the repeated shame and disrepair of my pitiful efforts. May His will find its way through my mind, fingers and voice. Thank you Lord for providing the pain and joy necessary to getting me to the place you’ve reserved.

My regret is large for those things I have taken for granted or those less than basic skills at relationships, teaching and mercy. My windows are not closed but open that the Spirit of joy and growth may blow through to show me grace. Walk with God, I pray, but if you don’t I will confess that I gave more than enough bait to have you walk away. For that I ask God for a fresh cleansing of mercy and forgiveness. By any right or measure He would be righteous as always in denying me this gift. But, I Pray that once again He forgives as I beg it.

I have tried to be everything to everyone and never was anything to anyone. It is time to serve Him alone and beg no one for forgiveness, as I offer no trespass in the King’s regard. I am so sorry Lord for seeking once again the annals of my happiness. This walk was meant for You not for my enrichment of contentment. I am content with that which You have given or taken away. Let them that have been slighted or hurt feel refreshed by Your Powerful Spirit, that may forget me and remember Your Will Alone. Lord I seek to disappear, but know that the work You’ve given denies that self-protection. Bring me to those in need that they may know and Love Christ.

There is one name and it is not mine that shall be listed at the top or bottom of any worthy list. For it is the Righteousness of Christ Jesus that floats this boat. Storms beware the Lord of Glory rests within the gunwales. He is my only focus and may Spirits run from His presence, power and promise. May the unchanging Word thunder and heal from my lips. May this awful tongue be cleansed and find permanent and singular service to the Will of God. I love but my love is never good enough if not a reflection of that which has been given by God. May His Will Reign supreme. May the darkness retreat as the Light of God flows from my heart.

Alone in my own version of the universe. Thinking that I distinctly heard mention of my name. Standing against the winds and sand-blown assaults, torture for my skin and eyes. But this is not the day for which I was sent, nor the time of my return. My feet feel firm, so I will stand some more knowing that this is not a miracle of my own interpretation. Nor may I muster or manage the talent necessary to turning this curve on a dime in time for the massive successes. My failures will suffice for in the darkest night the light promises to evade them.

Tired but not the exhaustion of a man lost with no air to breathe. I smell the sweat soaking through my flannel. Thinking once again that a whisper called to me by name. What’s left of rife and plunder? What promises shield me from the caustic dawn and the wars that break by morning? What hope carries me forward to take the hills an valleys while somehow knowing that these times are not my end? The prayers are offered for the dying and the fearful. Knowing that God has heard their pleas and has made a way of escape or earned judgment.

Is love absent the hand that rocks to heart of those pent to conquer? Is rage my king? The broken slurs leave my lips as the axe buries deep enough to tear a moon from its orbit. Attending to the dreams and cares wishing the children long days of the Lord’s good pleasure. Each day a measure of the faith I carry forward. Believing when there is no account for those who refuse surrender. This is not a daydream nor nightmare to torture our regretful hearts. We wake from dreams relieved to find the damp air still whistles. And to our planting the remains of logic, emotion and fears we still remember.

This is the night of our successes. Knowing no freedom or the wanton expression of self mastery. We obey the tide and fight the gravity against our massive understanding. So willing are those waiting to take flight and preach the gospel of their own interpretation. Fashioning truth from paper and righteousness from pain, they adore the moments when life feeds them. Adorned in doubt we forgot that God always turns our efforts to good outcome. So we kidded ourselves that so many years awaited us beyond the victories of tonight’s clash. We knew hope and cared not wear our head’s find rest.

All too clear. Reverent fear prompts innocently, definable actions. Repeated attempts at candor, peppered in mendacity decays the moral dependence upon truthful expectation. We are what we are without the sugar coating or attempt to deference of color analysis and judgment. With the ability to confess and ask for cleansing there remains no room for alteration. At some point, perhaps this very moment all must give poignant review.

Simplicity, found in unrehearsed delivery. Never having to recall the lies in order to ponder or release colored truth. Ease of purpose in heart is found first in walk sans mistake, but accepting the absence of perfection, we must then be absolute in our self-review. There is no desire at self-appeasement, no quest for denying failure, rather a healthy understanding that within the mistakes answers reside for adaptation. All too frequent I sing outside of key.

Knowing realistically that no action shall propel me to everlasting only the consistent denial of failure may taint the relationship with Divine, it is the greatest gift beside obedience that my admission comes with awareness. Must I then repeat the negative impact of departure from prescription? Intention, never being the governing factor it is still preferable to desire accuracy of action. Perhaps the greatest gift being the delight that failures ought be expected and though limited in quantity and frequency be met with conviction, confession and transformation in forgiveness and hope. I am therefore most grateful for that avenue for restitution in grace.

And All of that commentary. What is relevance of man’s inclination when God has spoken? Thinking about His Spirit living in each of our hearts. As the Holy of Holies, I am given opportunity. The chance to acknowledge, just as with Christ Jesus, God with us. Emmanuel, having made a home in my body from the belief, faith and acceptance of His seal upon my life. How do I treat God when I am in His Presence? Is He met with indifference or worse yet ignorance of His Hand grasping mine as I walk aware of the Will He commands I venture?

What of those in the body of Christ walking with me? Do I also take for granite or granted that those of the Body hear the same commands upon them? When He directs that I do something miraculous do I attend to that miracle in faith, knowing that; other Christians will have the same opportunity to abide/obey or ignore/disobey the truth He placed on my heart? For instance, if He tells me to give you something in expectation of your dedication to His purpose in your life, do I lose faith when you fail to obey or do I proceed with clear understanding that at some point you will have a change of heart?

Do I look to this world with certainty as it feels the pressure of God’s unfolding plan? Or do I attend to my own expectations and hopes denying the Truth of God’s Word? Will I repeatedly believe that somehow mankind will find his way to righteousness without God? Or do I acknowledge God has already said that tribulation is necessary to change their reprobate/non-repentant hearts? Haven’t I seen the truth of my required Pain Levels to turn from my own pursuits? What makes me continually believe that a remnant means that all will come to God in contrition without a grand scourging?

Is God’s Word and the Truth of His Spirit’s guidance absolute or do I quench Him enough to insert a variable or deviation from that unchangeable aspect? Have I inserted wiggle room, where none exists, to allow for the malleable desire of my own predilection? What is the certainty of my service and surrender to the purposes and Will of God? Is He almighty in every contemplation? Or do I remake Him in the image of fickle worldly gods so that I may attend to my own three wishes? Is God’s offer of Grace and excuse to get what I want in this life? Or was a gift, that I never deserved, the one opportunity to escape the judgment I deserved and find my way back into His Loving, eternal embrace?

Things are getting very clear. Thus my own gray area has shrunk to point where there is no longer any space between light and dark. There is no longer variable cushion to conform or allow for my own vacillation. I am no longer the read bending to the will of each passing wind or word. I am planted upon the Rock of Ages and thus may only continue with a full, immovable belief upon that which God says is going to transpire. We have continued on the same path for ages only to arrive at the same realization that what God says is coming, most certainly is. And that what God requires of mankind to find our way out of this temporal loop is to believe upon the Works of Jesus Christ, especially when they seem beyond our capacity to gather.

In the middle of a normal night fantastic happened. In a journey by the moon’s low-light we found the day we had awaited. When all stars crossed as we were told and the finite become everlasting. In a moment of glorious appearing I remembered all the time I doubted and found those brief instants of faith assured. Into the dark wandering path I went a bit off the ground in character and truth.

Sorry for all the things I missed or messed, those things with which God trust us. The priceless and the few. Willing to mark time or waste it I squandered a rare sequence of events meant to lay the ground work of something better. Yes, it is sufficient or proper etiquette to explain human flubbery, but the alternative of never missing the train promising your prompt arrival is option much grander.

Oh Well, it must be said four times a million and exclaimed in some imaginary language to please keep me awake at least for the moments that counted. Knowing all along that they all matter for each of them I must give accounting as to what I’ve done for the Lord. Problem is I was always so busy thinking of how I could angle it to benefit me, I missed intended focus. Yes, God will make it right but I sure do wish I could stay on plan for more than a minute and half. They are all so precious and beyond my repair.

The show continues and more hearts cry out in defense of the menagerie. Dodging as if real the darts of fiery imagination knowing so well how they once troubled me to the point of not sleeping. To them this all is true. The painful disregard of their feelings and their wants. It is not enough to chastise and wound, but rather to comfort and exhibit hope that there is only one to chase away to ghosts. Carrying or assisting in the nightmare only brings on more derision and disrepair. Trying to be a healer is not the same as praying to God for their relief.

Courage now quiet one. Peace now my love strong sweet. Hearts are not built for eternity, for they want right now. Another day transposes the wishes I once hardily relied upon. In a breathless sigh of daydream, I saw the light promising a rising of the morning sun. And knew that somehow tomorrow’s coming. Though the demons promise this night beyond a filibuster, somehow God sends Angels to shine His light upon the shirts and dirty woolen prayer shawls. What peace transcend the dark things of my equipping? It is the voice of God upon the waters so deep they touch the side unseen.

What shame is found in trying so hard you were doomed to fail when it really mattered? None, says God but the pain you feel is meant that you shan’t forget them. That spike in your heart comes from forgetting you were there to serve not be relieved in the midst of battle. It matters because that is the truth of God’s Creation. All the things matter less than one heart and a set of lungs breathing the cool air God gave them. Their invitation awaits to everlasting and you are postman chosen. Deliver and never forget those painful spots upon your diminished heart were the times that you’ve forgotten.