Unlike man, God does not tell us to fear loneliness, attempting to fill it no matter the associative costs of motivation by fearful emotion or scarcity. Instead He promises to make for each man in his in-optimal position of being alone a suitable helper. Not a servant for man’s want and desire or willful plan of self, but someone of such unique character that she submits her own will to aid her man in achieving God’s Righteous objectives and Plan, fully understanding this the only path to the ultimate desire a healthy marriage.

Both fully comprehending and submitting to God’s identity for their role in marriage, the man and woman take it upon themselves to walk with God in an educated manner conducive to greatest productivity of Godly definition. They do not resent each other, they do not contend with each other, they do not willfully seek frustration as a unit because their identities and roles are clearly observed and appreciated. They both concur that submitting to God’s Will is not only the chosen path but the best path to be chosen.

Nations outside of this balanced role understanding continue to create conflicts vying for the powers or position of a person that should be the perfect match to their mate. Divorce rates sky rocket as people observing this “winner takes all” mentality with the now non biblical relationship of man to woman. Men are bitter, complaining or silent and reluctant to provide the characteristic unconditional love associated with relationship and service to God. Women seek expression or receipt of love through other means finding that their man has failed their definition of the love they are to provided by entitlement or self requirement.

No one owes anyone anything, except mankind to God. Therefore, unless a clear surrendered relationship exists between: man or woman with their maker there exists no predetermined identity of Love or Reverence to be expected of either party to marriage. Women disassociated to or not surrendered to God, recognizing His authority to define their identity a woman will be reluctant at best and absolutely defiant of offering her man the reverence associated with his image in God. A man will always look to the woman as a reflection of his fulfilled bag of wants and bitter with her when they are not fulfilled in time or depth.

When one of these two parties are out of alignment with God’s will and heaven forbid both then there is little hope of a Godly function to the marriage a vow made unto God. To observe the Biblical definition of role for man and woman in a Godly marriage demands at outset a surrender to God’s Will over our own. The constant failures of either party associated with the unmet expectations of carnal will in either party is caustic to the peace defined with that Godly formula. We must not be unequally yoked in our marriages. We cannot expect our mates to align or mirror Godly image definitions without the primary surrender to God’s Will that brings those identities into alignment.

Simple would be my preference. Seldom great change comes in complexity of thought, memory and unresolved conflict. Born of times when reason was challenged and experience yet honed.

Saying things in kindness without doubt or hats exchanged to be the person capable of saying them. In timing and gentle hope may they find rest on parchment or ears intended. Bespoken

The Veils and misery broken, by revelation of things lacking buttons, knobs or levers for my access and control. Salve. Dreaming nectar of sweet gentle sleep, finding the oxygen we’d begged.

Perhaps a snappish response is appropriate in argument or battle. These days require spice and sensible hand across the wrist of resistance. Lay me paths that lead to peaceful misgivings.

Life goes into the well of history and reckoning. Making sense of the sublime or sweet that scribes may teach those after. A’s and E’s in syllables counted on my fingers. In silence I await.

There is no fierce recourse that will win the day. For this is love not battle. This is family not fiend. This is hope that lights to halls of those who would walk sans regret into the presence of God.

Oh, forgiveness today you ought be needed. For doing it right, clipping the bite in my tongue these teeth shall not seek dominion. What pride is there in showing Mother a gift carefully chosen?

Being needed by someone, especially those who are looking to you to attain a better relationship with Jesus is a wonderful feeling. The bummer about this world is that so many have no concern for God that they are seeking a host of other objectives. I don’t fault them, nor do I judge/look down upon them, but I must ask forgiveness for thinking that they may be choosing second best in this lifetime.

People need help, even if it is a hug, kind word or new pair of socks. Yes, the danger of the needy is that their need is all that they know and instead of doing some great assisting we end up condoning or empowering a weak wanton mindset. However, the simple process of leaving my own comfort, family, Church and air conditioning/heat to interact with humans gives me the pregnant, quickening moments to observe God’s Divine opportunities for my life.

There is the rub for which I have mistakenly garnered a fair level of contempt from the beloved as they wish to huddle in comfort: monetary, food, fellowship, ritual and support environments such that they never have the opportunity to meet an enemy, never mind to love them. That is not my concern, certainly not within my calling and responsibility to adjust. What I am empowered to do is sound the trumpet of potential dangers and leave it between them and God. Doing anything else risks appearing authoritarian or worse yet getting myself injured because people must often face their challenges alone.

What I experienced today was a cornucopia of divine interactions. So many people in one place, so many conversations all occurring simultaneously that it was such a God affair. Something worthy of witness. People of all colors came together, seemingly by coincidence and had discussions about the world and how God fits into the entire paradigm. The mere fact that I had the linguistic background to overcome any barriers was a feature in the Glory of God’s Presence. Everyone had excuses, barriers, conflicts, stories and worldly demands that called them to choose to avoid participation, yet somehow God overcame all of that this orderly discussion/relationship ensued.

We prayed, we loved and we avoided the enemy led pitfalls of conflict and contention to produce an outcome that brought Glory to His Name. The reality that I was at the center of this act/scene or story emerging in front of us was such a tremendous gift. Nothing I have ever done will account for why I was there. None of my works had anything to do with this scene except that we all agreed that they were nothing more than the filthy rags we all try to bring into Divinity.

No one fell outside of their humility, that precursor for all successful interaction with the King. Everyone had an honest perspective about their own shortcomings in ministry and that allowed the Holy Spirit to provide the foundation of Fruits, Mysteries and miracles of impossibility when God is invited into our walk. What it did for me is validate the times in which we reside. Yes, I see the need for making money and living in prosperity of our own regard, but I am forced to admit in equal dialogue that doing right now the things for which I was created, called, gifted and prepared outweighs personal productivity immeasurably.

It was a grand blessing to be among men seeking to spread the gospel and in so doing those around: females and children were mesmerized in the flourishing prayer and power they saw in front of them. The greatest realization for me personally was that when I seek my own regard I am invariably alone in so doing and the only family that I discover is found consistently in the work of God in which He allows me to participate. I am tired of the world’s loneliness, it’s a grand deception. Instead of seeking and finding the rich, Family-centric opportunities provided in reward for seeking the work of God, I often sit frustrated with the way my plans are inconsistently fulfilling.

So much for my way. Instead of worrying about or trying to draw people into a scenario meant as attractive invite into a life apparently consistent with the objectives of worldly mastery I will seek the things of God and see the wonderful things that He delivers in response. This is not just an insight of one man’s thinking, nor something for which my ego needs tending but the authentic evaluation of a Spirit based living that answers the depression and desperation threatening to enslave the bulk of the folks I have been fortunate to meet. There is only one path for me and it promises real family not just romantic or heroic tales of the worlds’ second best offering.

Many of our American Founders stated that the greatest enemy to our Constitutional Republic are those of “special interests”. https://library.fiveable.me/key-terms/ap-gov/special-interests Special interests refer to groups of individuals or organizations that seek to influence government policy and decision-making to benefit their specific agenda. These groups often have a focused interest in particular issues, such as environmental protection, business interests, labor rights, or education reform, and they employ various strategies to sway lawmakers and public opinion. Understanding special interests is crucial because they play a significant role in shaping legislation and public policy, especially in the context of changing media landscapes that amplify their voices.

Knowing this charitably exchanges the year one of political sciences courses for first year students. This focus is the basis for all politics. We all must practice this discipline in all social interaction as everyone that we meet has a unique special perspective and seek the ends thereof. The church is not excluded from the “Worldly Competition” for assets in provision, protection and purpose. All believers must struggle through even their own special interests in competition for enduring character in service to the King of Kings. Our Will is the enemy, certain we will be tempted to pursue our own pride, sins of the eye and flesh and that is where the true battle lay, for Americans and Christians. Our failure to awaken to the nature of our conflict has relegated humanity to chasing its own tail and subscribing all efforts against God to principality and dominion when we ourselves are perhaps our worst enemy.

When we graduate to understanding and defining our own will as the beacon of serving “other gods” we may rest in the Word of God and stop resisting the miracles that God is doing within each of our hearts and minds. Realizing, defining, acknowledging and establishing boundaries to all the voices, as special interests within our own lives we are freed to establish/maintain boundaries of performance within the Will of God and frankly being Americans. Do we believe that it is a coincidence that the struggles of Biblical World View and American Civics are identical? That would be a preposterous assertion as the origin of our Sovereignty as Americans is God Almighty. Equally the voices of special interests, clearly defined in the Bible are always the competing interests and direction that lead believers astray from obedience to God. Not so coincidentally the only path to showing God we love Him.

What then must be done with the “Shiny Objects” of our own special expectations, planning and compelling allegiance if we are to achieve the pinnacle of God’s Purpose for each of us? Self-denial is impossible at times. It is empirically ironic to resist our own perceived needs, yet there are very few people who will contend that what we want is always the best thing for ourselves. Yet, many believers spend the bulk of precious time before God’s throne, begging for the desires and wants special to our own thinking and desire. That seems foolish and is in fact how the Bible codifies this idol/idle behavior. James 4:3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

In Conclusion, in order to establish command efficacy in American civics and Biblical compliance with the Will of God we must first identify and categorize the “Special Interests” seeking our attention and performance. We cannot perform God’s perfect will by ourselves clearly requiring the intervention of God’s Holy Spirit in that fulfillment. Therefore as the Bible identifies God’s Sheep know His Voice and won’t follow other voices. We must primarily identify and conditional our senses to recognize this stark allegiance and discipline. Failing to remain aware of competing interests we induce ourselves to vulnerability in disciplining our senses to filter out “Special Interests” when they compete with God’s commands. Therefore, as politically savvy Americans we must condition our perspective to reflect on the parallel compliance or resistance to those same self-serving voices and ideals.

We are Americans who follow the identical moral coding as the Judeo Christian origins of our faith that birthed this nation. We pray to God that His Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. It would be self-accepted foolishness then to establish practices that tolerate the competing “special interests” we invariably encounter. It is far past time for those who call themselves by His Name to assert: identity, clarity, discernment and perambulation consistent with Biblical/American principles of retarding special interests with deference to the Word of God and the Constitution of the United States of America. Our Founders understood and spoke urgently some 250 years ago regarding this necessity. For such a time as this we have been prepared. Will we remember the logical foundations of our Faith and our Civic Responsibility as Patriots or perhaps dedicate ourselves to perpetual slumber?

Ever made a truly great choice or decision? I made one, crying out to God in my utter despair and having me accept me in my broken state to serve His Will for my life and the purposes He alone determined for my future. That single moment of clarity and assurance, not in self but in the Sovereign God of the Universe was the single best and probably only good decision in my entire, inadequately and arguably most wasted existence.

Sure, I made money, had conquests, won fights and did some things that most would say were stupid but were intended to be cool at the time. I loved people mostly too much so that it hurt because I never could seem to get the balance thing right. Either I was loved to little or vise versa, resulting in eventual decrease and separation for lack of a commitment. Too bad I was never able to associate one with the other and serve God together with someone.

Now, I weep as so many refuse to cry out to God in their greatest moment of need, seeking searching for someone, something or the money to free themselves from the things that Jesus has already competed. People aren’t just worried now their panicking. I see it in their eyes, hear it in their trembling voices and yet it still is all going to be alright. Why? Because this is God’s Plan not ours and He knows we will come around even if we have to experience separation and wrath to reach that point of brokenness.

Simple is really what we all really needed. Sustainable property, family, friends and a dedication to working it out together. Even planning for the difficult times in advance, knowing fully that when it all started to fall apart about our ears that we would never be separated from God’s Promises and the hope of family, friends and faith. It may be late in the game to acquire that opportunity but for those prayerful few, I suggest it. After all in the worst moments the only thing that makes the difference between success and horrific failure is the wonderful first decision we all made in choosing Jesus.

It really doesn’t matter the level of my failure, for God chooses broken vessels like me to change the world. How, people know that I am not the origin of the works and miracles He continues to do in my life. That allows all the glory and all the awareness to be dedicated to Him. None would argue that He has allowed me to endure where others including myself would have miserably failed, yet here am I. I love my enemies which means I certainly love my Family and Friends. This is not about me but about the fact that He loves you so much He saved me to tell you that. The only accolade I may personally observe is that although I have never been worthy, nor does that matter much, what does matter is that I was broken or smart enough to cry out in pain for salvation. I’ll leave it to you to determine which it was, but nothing really matters but that first good decision.

From memory, the dry untamed ground drew every drop of warmth and sweat from me. I dragged myself another mile, never really knowing where the will to continue was born. A thing of nature or perhaps desire to tell someone I had finally showed some character, beyond the noisy man wanting more of this and a lot less of that.

Habitats become you, razor sharp, so easy to catch flame when everything has forgotten water. Rash, frequent thoughts of running and long walks taking time to let my dogs run freely. Looking up to the mountains, partially blocking the ravaging sun. I touched my cheek, it felt more like lizard or pterodactyl, I could not take my hand away.

When did the rain forget our names? Forsaking us until short days of winter called it out to play. Rocks and sand, no happy ministry’s finding soft words and welcome ears for the cries of men wandering round in circles. Our Brothers believing themselves free of duty stiff armed our children as they came to ask for bread and wine-drops.

We wanted more than the greatest ever given. Taking off the shield against the dark welcoming the shadow to breast we thought to own the sun and chase the mornings into cavern. We looked upon the face of sovereignty, knowing ourselves richly blessed by the love and power of everlasting. But sweeter songs of pride lured us into poverty.

We had watched the world, wanting so much to be welcomed, honored, finding praise in hearing our own names chanted. We walked away from safety, throwing fire and caution straight into eastern sky. Clenched teeth at the winters bark and labors of a world never meant to see the light beyond circumference. A shield too far.

Reflecting on consistent regrets. Trying to explain to those who say they love me or call into question why I deserve that love. One should never have to subject themselves to this degrading discourse. Love is given in the moment, the rolling of a single tide. Certainly there is time to grow in that depth and breadth of adoration, but it is not thing of qualification but faithful resilience. I am sorry Lord for loving people in a superficial manner, perhaps waiting for the things I have established they are supposed to perform for me before receiving that approval. Perhaps it seems wrong because there is something wounded about it behaviorally? Perhaps it seems wrong because this feeling is conviction for not learning in the chastisement of God’s Hand?

Knowing how this feels I am mindful of treating others in this fashion that may hurt and make uncertain those who I have been sent to encourage. Look, there is no requirement to love me or anyone, everything that God has set before us is enacted by choice. Therefore, our choices demonstrate the interior and character of the heart and spirit. We ought love as He does, without condition and when we find that we do not love someone in that manner then we should not toy with them or drag them through the mud of our non committal decisions of circumstantial conformity. It just isn’t becoming. Those meaning all who I have been sent to love should simply feel and know that love as God Commands and I want to share.

Rather be a poor man with some respect than a rich man who had to beg to find a position in any family. This is not about me all the time but the people who I have been sent to love and perhaps demonstrate a courageous example. How will I respond to God if I repeatedly am shown that I let people give me half love or on again off again dismissal of my offer for faith, growth and cooperation? It is not a pretty look and it certainly has provided for many long days in history struggling with people who for whatever reason are clearly looking for something other than this Pastor. I am not in charge of you but I am in charge of what I volunteer into. It is hard to ask people to stop declaring their love when I myself never felt love but rather some unspoken set of expectations and performance criteria.

Will not hide this light under a bucket. There will be those who see the light and want to work with it however dim or comically inhibited. Family is not about approval. Family is about dancing with those you came with, watching their backs and never leaving especially when things get really difficult. Perhaps that is the measure of real love the people who when you show them your worst, or your impoverished, talent absent moments they stop, and love you nonetheless in spite of those inadequacies. Perhaps love is just that a hope that God and the shared love are the two things beyond sight that will deepen, grow and foster the love in the face of someone perhaps not being lovable. I do not consider it failure for you to admit to yourself that I am not good looking enough, smart enough, tall, short, wealthy or deep enough for your expectations. That is okay to decide. It is also okay for me to say I don’t want to measure up.

It is made worse when both parties have good hearts but one or both are caught up in predetermined plans or objective that place demands on each other to conform, perform or act according to a script outside of who they were meant to become by God. It is torturesome but also logical to test if someone will sell out to gain something outside of God’s intention. Nothing outside of God’s will for each believer is going to make us truly happy. Especially those relationships, people or circumstances that consistently require us to be someone other than who we are. I am not eschewing the need for growth and change for they are also healthy in their capacity to develop each person. However, love and family should be few of those things are so essential that they don’t need to be constantly questioned, especially by Christians who find it their foundation.

Not to say that difficult circumstances never work out, but Love shouldn’t be this hard. It should be a cooperative comfortable feeling allowing and supporting both parties to be loved for who they are right now and a promise to love them when they grow and change. I am not in charge. I have no magic right or disposition to tell you how to live your life or how to approach love, but I am not happy. Although happiness is not the be all and end all for a Christian man it is one of those criteria that cannot be long overlooked. I cannot make decisions for other people and I certainly find it demoralizing to convince people of my adequacy of candidacy as a Pastor, Man, Friend or Mate. I will never be alone and perhaps God will bring some people into my circle who will find in me the truest, reliable Brother, Son, Friend, Colleague they have always desired to know and grow with.

I never want to fit someone into my psychological cut out. I never want to dance how I think someone needs me to in order to fit into that profile. If it ain’t natural then a large amount of energy will always be expended not on furthering the relationship but upon always trying to appease the other persons projection. When I meet you God says love you. He didn’t say to me I am giving these people so that you can badger or conform them to your desired persona. Equally, if you have made it clear that I am not what you are looking for as Pastor, Friend, Brother or Family member then I will move on and allow you to find those qualities in someone else fully accepting that not everyone was meant to like me or choose me for those important relationships. It is okay. It is all going to be okay. God knows His plans for each of us and I refuse to try and fit in to a manuscript that is not of His writing nor honoring of my own.\

In scriptural relationships the interactions should be based on Scripture not on emotions, expectations or rule sets. That committed foundation may never be successfully overlooked with the expectations of seeing our way into long term productive, faithful God honoring relationships. Not that emotions or thoughts are not important but they must be subdued/surrendered before the Word and Will of God Always for that is the only conformity God fearing people should pursue. The test of my love for God is my obedience and He tells me to love my enemies. How then should I be loving my family? There is no small regard for the quality of Love that I give someone should be just as awesome as God first gave to me. And I assure you at that time I was truly unlovable but totally in need of it.

Do you? Still in the green dark, smokey air fills my lungs. Laughing in the quiet of the crackling sky. The ground shakes, hugging it until my vertigo resides. Yes.

Small regular gulps of air standing on the run, zig zag, passed the copse of grass diving into the pond beyond. Much cooler the broiling air above. I take my time on the bottom finding soft mud beneath my boots, slippery in wait.

Sitting upright well into the night, not quite dawn, soon. The pillow just as bark to my back. Thankful that this time the dream ended abruptly.

Too many times I had wandered the desert night in cold crimson rain awaiting morning flower. Cactus heart and rattle snake mind long ago forgotten the world’s promise of false love and camaraderie.

Knives, shields and hollering shouts of do this, get over there and find out where that is coming from. Too bold and stupid to stop the madness, I shatter the dark with a massive burst of heavenly light.

Flight, fear and anger at the power of life and the shouts of angels against the wiles of night’s resolve. Gone for another morrow. What hope remains shines upon the faces of lost men.

A glow, too soon to know what comes at us from the edge of the horizon’s grasp. Whatever it is moving too fast for eyes to follow. We don’t wait around, knowing better odds in the forest.

Thankful for the pain in my shoulder and side, certain I’m alive and eager to find some healing before next sundown. What food we have is eaten as we silently make measure of each heart.

All too sudden the ocean crashes about our feet, no ships in sight, only drifting hulls and spirits gone. Upon forever we pray hoping that this is the moment when we expected the return. Swimming to the breakers we tie ourself to reef awaiting the even tide.

Started to think then thought better of it. Having reconciled nothing to nowhere I sat down and listened for any good advice coming from inside. Nope, no austere voices of wisdom in there. Perhaps I will wait a day take a trolley down town, maybe I will meet up with someone important. And if not just follow the path of least resistance until God or good luck catches up with me.

It is always going to be alright. That doesn’t sit well with the plans and focus I had in my head or heart, but I never was promised to get my way, not even half of it. Good things come along even when we are so convinced that we have no hope and the path of victim-hood has reserved a seat for another day of complaints, regrets and unmet expectations. That’s the best part of failure.

Wished for a moment that she would get a message from God and drop the pride and fortress walls inviting me to reasonable attempt at a good lunch and conversation. But to no avail, I have made much better jails than this one. At least I can get my arms free to wipe the combination of sweat and tears from my left eye, it stings a bit. Boy I get why God said it is not a good idea to hang out with yourself too long or too frequently cause that guy has very little good to say and horrible ideas.

No, it has always been my specialty to charge right up the front of the mountain take a good one across the chops and then throw my opponent of the waiting deep fall and grab a handful of snow for nightcap. A little spit of blood into the snowbank and on to another escapade. Sure wish that problems could be resolved by quiet conversation every once in a while. Doomed to melodrama.

Punctually illiterate. Set a watch ten minutes ahead and always seem to arrive at half passed nine anyway. Feel good about the whole thing and know that though it hurts real bad right now that something will come along to challenge me enough to stop thinking. No ammo left and being as I seem to have forgotten how to spell, I give in to exhaustion and lay down by the roadside. Maybe this night of sleep will take away the pain in my side let alone the hunger.

Days go bye. Night’s carry on. And streams always seem to be headed downhill which make decisions a little easier. Nothing to forget and a lot less to remember. Flowers saved and diamonds sitting somewhere waiting for someone to acquaint them falsely with forever. Smiles, giggles and plates full of cornbread and spicy beans. There are things worthy of remembrance in this pathway to forever. Thank God I got a chance to get a taste for life.

How does someone say “ain’t never” and truly expect that people will get the gist of its meaning? What does it really mean when someone declares an impossibility as fact, fully knowing that though miracles happen some things are just simply understood? Effectively collectively agreeing that some things have no expectation of occurring. The ugly, poor man with low IQ just never marries the princess, no matter how many romance novels tell us what we want to hear. Not saying that odds as high as billions to one do not occur but they are always associated with a recognition of intervention by a higher power.

I have accepted God’s anointing for my life. Therefore living my life for the sole or reserved purpose of wealth, fame and self-glorification objectives is right out. In fact, even dedication to the sole support of a large family without God’s subsequent provision of the pathway to providing for them is as possible as grabbing a ghost or a handful of helium. By nature my dedication is to my first love, God the Father. And not a simple dedication but a vow to give all my: heart, mind, soul and strength to that effort as to NO ONE ELSE. Having a spouse that would take this central position reserved for God alone is just not going to happen and would in fact short circuit that classic dedication to the anointing offered and accepted.

Being a world class athlete as a younger man was achieved. Pursuing higher education and winning awards for few of the highest available honors was achieved. Great achievement in the work place and high pay was achieved, but those were all undertaken as a worldly man seeking to make the mark of this temporary lifetime. None of them compare to: learning from a senior citizen the secrets to a life well lived while exchanging support time for wisdom, helping someone escape addiction to find Jesus as the Cross and locate their purpose, seeing the innocent saved from a position of persecution to flourish in their safety or loving someone for no other reason than they too are beloved of God and worthy of His gifts.

It must be acknowledged that all those who have been called by the Lord have experienced dreams, wants and pursuits that some point became competition and points of decision with God’s Calling. Many relationships have been challenged, jobs abandoned, material things surrendered and dreams placed in the cupboard for the absolute joy of fulfilling a God given purpose that had very little if anything to do with those carnal pursuits. Vows of marriage are sacrosanct and life lasting. Very few of the prophets appeared together with their spouses if they in deed ever made that connection. Even Moses’ family took second place and never made it to the promise land rather dying with him in the desert. These facts make worldly pursuits unlikely, intangible and perhaps unwise for the man or woman of God’s Calling.

That having been said nothing is impossible with God. For those of you who find the right mate to experience the fullness of shared, combined purpose it may be the greatest gift God could ever bring you, but we must understand the unlikely opportunity for success without such commitment to put God first and together Love Him with everything a couple may muster, intentionally, endearingly, completely. So can’t ain’t never but it is wise to proclaim that it is a thing of very small margin, probability and likelihood, governed solely by God’s provision, protection and promise. That having been said, ain’t looking is a more appropriate term, because in that commitment comes an agreement that whatever God’s give you in the calling will be His will not your own. In fact, these instances may be the greatest tests of that allegiance and challenge your full commitment to the Lord’s will. So, Choose wisely and consider putting your personal dreams, desires and want upon the shelf of Godly Service.