In my quest to do the right thing, as is the nature of every man I found the presumed solution to the deprivation of love I experienced throughout this short existence. Unfortunately, it was the same false cure that each of us discovered, attention, fame, importance through met need. None of these is the actual answer, love, which comes from the understanding that this worlds’ provision of acclaim is never answer but continued unfulfilled pursuit.

We are loved by God right now, right here in my failed or productive state and none of that has to do with works or effort. Love is disassociated with effort. Efforts produce results, results are analyzed by perspective, perspective is unique to the individual inside each of us. Question: If I continue to look for the same people that raised me, the same people that never loved me while remaining on the path to pleasing that perspective I never could rise above, How does that in any universe amount to an equation that I can factor out?

Yes, I am a difficult character as study of history demonstrates was every other extremely gifted individual. This is not braggadocio time but self mastery. I am involved in a battle with self to rise above my own complexities and simply love people as God has ordained. That demands that regardless of the obstacles, I must do the impossible which in Christian faith is never attributed to the saint but to the Savior/Spirit/Father. My success depends entirely on surrender, not on any works because these are deceptive roads we are offered to travel, roads that do not lead to impossible resolutions.

These are days that demand clarity, purpose and God’s wisdom of Proverbs two. This is not the moment for my adoration of failed saints in history who asked for wisdom and then chose their own life desires resulting in the loss of sheep and the failure of shepherd. This responsibility demands that I leave and forget the childish wounds and considerable efforts to resolve dilemmas created nearly a lifetime ago. Love is the answer I seek, it is not found in replaying the same scenario again and again looking for alternate outcome. You either love me or you don’t, there is no guessing or mystery in that understanding, but rather consciousness of what Love is and isn’t.

I seek righteousness and faithfulness of God. I want to be that man that does the right thing by showing up each and every time seeking God’s Will be done, not my own. Solomon failed and in so doing produced the line of savior. What would have happened if Solomon had remained faithful to God? Was he predestined to be held in worldly regard for wisdom only to fail in the process to demonstrate to all mankind what happens to the best of us when they forget the God who created/blessed and promised? Our successes as with love are never found in our own plan of success but in our humility of understanding that the only outcomes that defy temporality are God’s.

So, if I don’t love you for who you are it is demonstration of my continued temporary/carnal pursuance. If I use love as a weapon to judge you it is more of the same. Love is not blind and never will be especially when it used as measure to determine the qualified and the unworthy. This has always been the signal and fruit of synergy with God. For if love be impossible, forgiveness beyond scope and immortality only found in surrender then it is God’s acknowledgement of our adoption the only measure of our success. No amount of wives, concubines, money, fame or legacy will ever answer a supernatural problem for they are doomed in relegation to carnal instruments. In Jesus’ name.

I am not done this has just begun says the One who can make that statement without doubt or equivocation. I am going to make you a man who when looking in the mirror sees Me not himself, his works, his treasure or his ambitious self reign. I am never going to leave you though sometimes you do awful things forgetting that I am there with you always.

What do you do with real power, fight it, seek destruction, escape or an alternate route? Certainly that opportunity lay before you and mistaken in the outcomes or drunk with the power of that choice you believe that an open road to intention stands before you. Or, you may respect sovereign authority understanding your tiny perspective and be thankful in surrender and obedience out of loving respect.

I thought myself eternal or worse I accepted this short life and tried to compete with all men who had gone before to see how history judged me against them. Their achievements, my conquests, the world’s pitiful call to turn a road meant for decision and choice into all that life may offer. Even though we all know deep inside when viewing this world that there is something so much larger at play.

In my supreme indifference, self righteous misunderstanding and outright contempt for things holy and supreme I counseled myself from the well of my own foolishness. With myself as authority, my heart the source of darkness and my own unbridled ambition I told myself all manner of deceptive parlay.

You and cannot arrive somewhere that is not accessible from the point of embarkation. We launched on the wrong track, in dark vehicle, world’s away from the origin and destination we thought possible. We followed the wrong self written rules, with darkened heart and unforgiven reprobate understanding never even pondering that we had been rationally welcomed on the train to eternal sadness and disrepair.

There was no way from here to there. Disrespect was the natural outcome of our descent, walking downward in wandering spiral never once thinking of the mountains we could not see or the magic we sought to counter. Hypnotized by our own vainly imaginary contemplation. We hat never lost hope that we never possessed to begin this journey. We were operating on wishes, not prayers, scripts not inerrant Truth, in disobedience and deception we missed the light of the world and chose our own darkness and reflection.

I you trust me I will show you the mysteries you never pondered, the places you never knew in your meager understanding and the character that surpasses mankind’s temporary contemplation. If you will serve my will I will not not only heal that which befell you I will defer the destiny you were intent on providing and adopt you into an inheritance beyond your imagination. For I am and with me you too will always be.

The tears and the raining agonies of trials beyond contention file themselves appropriately in the dirt at my feet. What weight the idea of pressures, cooking, forcing us to change even when we are certain it will mean our death to do just that. What dream is this a man capable of tears and smiles in the midst of trials and burden?

Falling over myself to answer the call upon this person I am becoming. Cannot confidently predict how this seemingly powerless man will recover to win, place or show at fall fair. Surety was an illusion believing that no matter what came at me I would meet it with greater; confidence, attitude and tactic. How to know the unknowable?

In a season of chrysalis, lying in wait for changes to repair, changes and transformation beyond my anticipation or prognostication. Imaginary emergence to the applaud of thousands seeing my recreation and welcoming me into the system of adoration. No, this launch was made at first light, acquainting me with Him.

To what imagination must I attend knowing that my thoughts have been inadequate since call to declaration? What is a man left with that is his own when all has died, passed away, born again of a seed beyond comprehension the works of Soveriegnty? Nothing, Everything challenging the limits, no, erasing and rewriting programs.

Look ahead to yonder mountain that moments ago did not exist or yet had been hidden from sight of temporary mortality. Of course the words escape, for certain the ideas present themselves; a cavalcade, avalanche of new thinking, equipping, building, erecting a new substrate. What will God build upon this new thing He created?

What did you notice freed from your restraints, arising from the bushes unaware of thick coat of grease and mud making you look the camo dressed nightmare? Taken in the dark, unconscious to how many came for you slept painfully in dream with a large knot at the side of your shoulder. Did they have to take you down so hard,they could have asked and perhaps you would have gone nicely? No that would never have happened and you both knew it.

One sweeping eye took in what was visible in the low light. Several slept but two stood watch. They hadn’t noticed my coming to, talking quietly in a language I didn’t recognize. Why now, what made me valuable or useful to their planning, such that they would have to take me alive. Not wishing panic I calmed my head from thinking about the thousand things I could not guess. Instead I focused in on the quiet speech to see if there was any data or clues I could gather.

A mystery tied together in the throbbing pain in my upper back and shoulders. I dared no move, justifying another bashing, instead slowly tested the tape and twine with which I had been bound. Nothing moved, it wasn’t fancy but sure was tight. I looked for something sharp, some corner, glass or mirror to try and free myself, just then the door opened and a lithe stealthy manned stepped into the shallow dim. I couldn’t tell for sure but black hair and gaunt features like Abraham Lincoln.

I squinted as he looked my direction hoping he hadn’t seen the whites of my eyes in the darkness. He threw something on the table, a sack, not paper but cloth. Could not tell what was in it, both men looked up, saying nothing they set the bag aside and we all waited until someone had something to say, but silence was all we encountered. I suddenly realized the stench, sweat and sour meat. Something in that bag was putrid.

Having no idea what they awaited nor the reason for my capture, I decided to exercise the one control I had at the moment that was to use the time to recover and rest. My head pounded and though my heart rate had calmed considerably I almost fell asleep which may not have been a good thing for someone who might have a concussion, but it should relieved any fear or impatience. Before I began to daydream I heard someone calling from outside the doorway.

Soon, I would know the purpose for my abduction.

Thank you for peace, Lord. It covers, permeates and protects my sound mind from the panicking current of this world. Without there is war for thought and mind’s deep breath. what resounding joy to incline my heart’s ear to your calm.

I ask forgiveness from those with whom I have struggled in envy, distrust or misunderstanding. God help me when I’ve passed the threshold of anger and remorse. I am absolutely sorry to having continued in experiment or folly outside of God’s parameters.

The path is revealed as the current wends and winds toward the low points of the world. Much of which we thought we were certain has been proven ill devised.

Love is not performance measure. It lay outside of judgment. By nature those of us still on Earth are imperfect, thus we remain at shaping hand of conviction, water and time’s shaping seconds. Family is agreement to face it together.

I would have traveled with you meeting the dropping sands of time, but you chose otherwise, I pray that the Pastor to whom Gods leads meets worthiness of commitment as family. For unloving pursuit of performance criteria will never fulfill true love.

As water only knows two things; slope & container, meandering is of little consequence. Forget the outstretched arms of clocks and prism’s relegated to the recesses of mind for it will take how long it takes. The greatest decision is always your traveling partners.

It is narrative impossibility to serve my own interpretation of law,expecting favorable dispensation of blessing without consequence. Therefore deferring to my own judgment in service to sin even on my beloved or Brother’s regard is guaranteed to unfortunate end. This is not to deny healing or helping on ritual or rule of active prohibition, but rather to achieve outcomes for desirous gratification.

I sin and God chastises, no room for excuses based on duty to love whether romantic or filial. It matters not that I maintained intentions of fulfilling some moral law following that/those sin(s). The wages of sin is still death. Future sin being forgiven, the question points toward how much, backsliding is tolerable? Or what happened throughout the Bible to those who departed from faith and/or righteousness. Free will always being the rule this is for all of us to puzzle. You will have to reconcile Grace.

So, it matters that I love or loved you, but God’s interpretation is the only judgment that truly effects outcomes, as God is the only being with power to damn my soul to eternal damnation. It is His perspective alone which carries infinite weight. We must acknowledge that God may not be mistaken, that humans may wrongly assume through self-righteousness their certainty in salvation, Matthew 7. Marriages, friendships, parenting, works and worship cannot be conducted outside God’s definition.

Our nation continues to follow our own socially moral guidance and sees continued failure with abominable statistics. How then may Christians Jews continue in perpetual downward spiral while maintaining attitude of our own discretion? Our worldly gain is not equivalent to heavenly standing or right relation before Jesus.

Therefore as a man who chooses obedience before God’s Word and Trust of His direction over my own understanding I may not tolerate or champion any relationship which refuses for whatever reason intention or outcome that violates God’s asserted structure, discernment or prayerful-congruence with His Word. I am sorry that I remained unclear with you in any manner, word or deed. I cannot bless continued or repeated similar action or indifference.

What is most priceless for protection in assured times of trial and threat to contentment? My only control is found in faith and adjustment/maintenance of self-control through footing. Are our feet firmly planted upon the Rock of Ages that nothing will wipe us from the field of harvest? For the time is here, the fields ripe for workers with heart to see it gleaned for God’s Kingdom.

We see global contenders for government, world quest for dominion of the faithful, digital anomalies many rushing full tilt into worship and frail mastery of singularity. Men are predictable in their absence of trust and surrender, believing that somehow God needs them as backup to prevail in the event of His failure or their doubt. Prophecy is being revealed and we let go of God’s Sovereignty to insert our temporary efforts.

Will you go back into the house to retrieve your true loves or escape from rooftop to mountain when the Trumpet bids? Is your armor spiritual or the flesh you’ve taken back from the Cross? Do you even now see God beginning to turn His head from gentiles and prepare fulfillment of covenant promise? Do you know the road ahead or are you still guessing in your own selfish wisdom?

The times for which we were made rise up to meet us whether ready or ill equipped. With what manner of faith and promise will this day be met? Have you been readying in the relationship with Christ Jesus and Spirit’s Conviction? Or have you steadily put all power, mind and will to success in this world? These are not failures but the time of greatest choices and character’s revelation.

Yes, men will rise and submit their names as potential savior. Will we unwisely place our faith and confidence in these men’s efforts or remember the only path to God is found in Christ? Artificial heroes and protectors will capture the fearful hearts of those who run from darkness. Telling themselves that they have talent, plans and wishes upon yet seen strength to overcome the enemies of Our God who beat them.

My worry is not in my inability for it was never in my strength to prevail this worlds fight. This has always been a thing reserved for God Alone. I hope that your find encouragement to stand in His direction. I pray that He knows you on that day your finally claim you know Him. May He send angelic help especially when you have convinced yourself you don’t need Him to do the impossible things before you.

Extremely glad of your peace. So thankful that God has answered and that I may rejoice at your solid foundation in joy. Thank you for trusting Him to get you to that place that remains elusive. My fortune is rounded above the rim.

In quiet folly I test the components of my continuing argument. Laughing at myself the rye smile shimmers back in the mirror, thinking I am cute but knowing the opposite. A bit self-pleased rather significantly more comfortable in this august skin.

Great things reside beyond visible horizon, not hidden but surely concealed in wave lengths, hues and particular avoiding discovery in perception. Perhaps emotion may see what logic mis-perceives. A likeness too comely to represent adoration.

I am no longer thrilled by emancipation, too many cupboards, hallways and safe-rooms remaining investigation. I acquiesce too formative to be dissected or lain bare by preamble. The meet is in the potato and harmony surrenders to establishment.

Tide upon tide I roll to the setting of the sun, believing. Never losing course but still not remembering where I was going. I set sail for the week after hoping to float free from encumbrance for fortnight. Leaving room for petulance.

Into the waves I crash as sand fills the soggy difference. Pomegranate red the misty vapor of my countenance. What I once thought fulfillment has turned to passing dream waking to rerun of my imperfect capacity to conceive.

Overjoyed, if possible, I sit comfortably basking in the reality of your arrival to peaceful perpetuity. Though difficult being viewed as the cul de sac that led to secret passage or resolution it is nonetheless the objective of your heart’s desire.

Who would disapprove in candid review that something that comes from the apparent wrong thing can indeed be viewed in its entirety? Life is not simple episodes and occurrences as experience addicts portend but cumulative in reaching, “That thing”.

I am so glad to have been the foot-pad to pathway leading anywhere productive. Though not irrelevant it is true success, from supporting cast perspective to be that small solid block upon the road to significance. Perhaps I am that same brick for so many.

While perhaps viewed as of lesser importance when being a road, teammate or destination is what we covet, being a useful paver is certainly wonderful in its part of the whole. Thanks so much for stepping on me on your way to finding happiness.

The ropes creek with the wet seas, bidding them stick and stay cleated to land. The mooring hums eager for the launch; do dry and dream of new birth. Well fell with yonder star that the ocean is now calling, pleading lose love, drop sword and come away with me.

To plunder eternity and break fast with history. Calculating the cost as elders, young men’s heart bid us run, jump and sail away past reason. We do hurt but for necessity and time. The time to read maps in navigation and beat the season’s storm beyond tomorrow’s bridge

So faithful the chin to endure polite calling. Forgetting all the promises we never thought to make and briefly wish we had. Our hearts leap for willful folly, glory and promise of land and riches. For we have seen the excitement of journey’s made by younger men flashing in our eyes.

Would that you hankered for the wind and sea, but it is the land, the land of the many days of tomorrow that draws your gaze. What of tomorrow when today is yet half folded linen leading to potential ends we knew not had begun. My fantasy is the sea spray of today.

Good to have remembered the sweet, velvet blossoms of springs kindness and comradery. To hold the warm hand and hold someone close and quiet for moments, not for tears but smiles in honest reflection of love and family projected upon the tapestry of life.

But reliance upon these things, not being capital crime go without punishment unless one considers absent divine accomplishment and faith without which it is impossible to please Him. I am luring myself to the snares threatening my achievement of purpose.

The question evolves surrounding how these things are achievable through symbiosis? Well it must be done as the rules of the gospel direct. There are so many of us experiencing snags trying to combine worldly with spiritual which will always produce painful results.

I resist and forgive any and all attempts to bully, cajole or manipulate this Pastor, Brother, Friend and Patriot in an published/unwritten narrative position. My sole purpose is loving service to God and His commands upon my: gifts, person, prayer, purpose, potential and execution. Do not expect my ignorance as foothold for any friendly or enemy advances to obtain those outcomes or objectives. You will be met with a lovingly stern resolve to see all of your misguided approaches quashed and deterred.

Preferably I will take several steps back allowing time and meditation to promote forgiveness, thought and wisdom to prevail. But inevitably it will be under your own consideration and choice to react to my confrontation which should be anticipated should attempts reoccur. It is not that I do not care for the opposite is truth, however you must not continue in this regard for the least you should expect is strict admonishment. I pray for God’s Greatest outcomes for you in this life and the next, show me the same consideration or choose to move on.

I believe in God’s supremacy. There are actions HE commands, enables and those HE restricts. I renew my commitment to honor those guidelines, surrendering my own willful sovereignty for HIS. I am not servant to life wounds, emotions or daydreams. The things that I have and seek are in His Word if you find your requests, demands, expectations or wishes to be inconsistent with His Word then the Problem you have with HIM will be the same you have with me, His Servant. I am not here to be pushed around by either your or my own weaknesses for in my weakness I find the Lord’s Strength.

In this ministry I have been patient, choosing to wait before establishing my mettle against encroachments upon my framework. That patience must be led by the Holy Spirit’s direction the word I am receiving from HIM is that patience comes with amenable mirrored demonstration of growth, attempt and His discernment of your heart, mind and intentions. Remember He lives in each of our hearts and the Sword of the Spirit of His Word is Truth’s indication of those things which remain concealed. God knows each of us and will not leave manipulation or false intention either purposely or accidentally hidden in the unconscious.

I will entertain suggestion but remember if you don’t want a Pastor’s help then don’t ask the Pastor for that help. Repeated demand to play by your rules in conduction of this ministry are inconsistent with the growth and accountability that I owe to God in shepherding His Flock. I am not a Savior, Doctor, Psychiatrist, Debate partner or your enemy. I am a Pastor, Preacher, Teacher and Evangelist, a Friend and Brother to those seeking Jesus. If you are seeking someone to manipulate into tolerating any illness or self destructive behavior you are absolutely mistaken. What you are seeking is worldly resolution when I am committed to miraculous intervention beyond my own human capacity. In Jesus’ Name.