Angry at myself for wasting moments. Self Rebuke necessary when seeing the leaky buckets into which I pour the majority of my will, pleasure and best efforts. Is it okay to be dissatisfied with a set of behaviors that never generate anything effective, rather appear determined against those best efforts? Is it okay to be my own best critic or shall we randomly float through life hoping for better outcomes?

In a bout of maturation I have given over ambition to review the items in your basket. So many want my review and I am less inclined these days to give in to the inclination to provide review for the purpose of projecting the internal conflicts upon someone with whom it is okay to argue. Yes, there are those who seek true health found in the lashes received by Jesus. However, I must ask is it loving to avoid those people who continue to argue, succor or support the wounds?

Just because I can see clearly the splinters, smell the fester of untended injury or am open to being a partner in the aspirations of those wanting to live their born again existence. I still have the choice to be involved, choosing to remain silent, not biting back words but knowing that they will only produce upset for me and all parties. Emotional investments require the best of us and ought not be pursued unless there is an understanding of the energy involved.

There are many who enjoy the dominion of occupying position of wise oracle, seated aloft, the defined elite and holder of grand and awakening ideals. I find no pleasure in looking downward from mantle or perch. Although, it is pleasant to have been involved in assisting those who truly seek resolution or growth. Trudging through the mire of perpetual misunderstanding is truly displeasing. People who do not want health are unlikely to find it.

What I want for them is truly insignificant and in fact the root of both our failed expectation and frustration. I do not love you because of where you are or where you are going I love you right now, because that is the true nature of Love, right now. However, as I age in this temporary life I am far less inclined to make close friends. Not because I am anti social but because most people, forgive me are so caught up in the script they are either writing or playing out that they would never consider the union of two hearts and minds with penchant for mutual aspiration of perfection.

It may be unachievable but God calls us to be set apart for that just resolve. Perhaps I may never reach that pinnacle of this existence, but isn’t it more about the determined effort than the result. After all affirming that it is an unreachable star to which I aspire in fact acknowledges my rational expectation of God’s timely intervention to bring about the miracle it will undoubtedly require to get this man any where near consideration.

For now my policy is to retract into my own dedications and effort. I cannot abide continually asking, expecting or hoping that humans will seek the best they might achieve. It is far better and less abrasive to simply wait upon people with those similar outlook. It is my job to love not help everyone work out their own internally played drama. I can love them and stay a few steps removed. There are relationships that deserve all but the longer I live the less inclined people appear to seek the greatest opportunity for loving existence for a host of disparate reasons.