Hypocrisy is the false man’s demise. Character may only be messed up once, as repentance allows forgiveness and opportunity for correction. Purity and works of perfection are an admission of the broadest stroke of human ambitions. For no one wants to be like everyone when the outcomes are dirty, tainted and miserable for the soul. I am so sorry for committing the same sin twice for I have shown my absence of Good Character.

Eve was deceived not by accident but because the desire to be equal to or above God lived within her heart. She was weighed and found wanton. Adam also ungrateful for having all made his woman the leader and disobeyed the simple but crucial prohibition he was given to serve his woman’s desire for more. Instead of saying NO, he joined her in her quest to be equal to God. This is not different than when a perfect angel considered himself the same.

I am no perfect specimen, it is clear to me why God picks broken vessels that need remaking. In my own frailties and reflection I see the same deceptive malformation as Eve and the Direct disobedience of Adam as I crave to protect what I want, My Will against God’s Fatherly direction to cast it off and deny myself to fulfill all that is Holy, Righteous and True. Even when it is just future promise, for without Faith in that promise I cannot please my Father and show him disgrace or contempt but never love.

This is the only unique thought in my simple existence, that I do not want to be God only like Him if He allows me to achieve it. I don’t want power, I don’t want perfection, I don’t want all the desires of my wicked heart for I have seen the error in my own ventures. My quest is not to achieve the desires of this wicked heart but to have it cleansed that at some point I may stop thinking and pursuing the things of self and serve God’s Will for this life and the service of others. That to me is attainment of something beyond the meager existence I may have gained.

Can I love you? Perhaps when done of my own understanding. Only through God’s Grace and the baptism of fire/transformation from the temporary and carnal may I see the objectives of God’s Wisdom and perfect hope. Look I never knew what Love was until I met Jesus. Sure I heard whispers and followed suggestions of the world as to what they believed were the bullet points of love, but women and men especially do not know what they want from moment to moment. Love being a discipline of the divine it is not simply about what we think will make us happy, but the jubilation and joy found in simple actions that sometimes have nothing to do with our own desire or outcomes.

It is not to do love right at first that I pursue. It is to make mistakes and do it right the second time, the time when Character matters after having failed and chosen wisely not of self but for the honest commitment to want to please the Father as He teaches me to love those He made. For a moment try to imagine loving someone you really hate, someone who has done you wrong, someone of true contempt. It is beyond imagination that this thing could be done of self, considering the long list of wounds and reasons for this person being deemed unworthy or my own failure and incapacity to forgive the primer for love.

I would rather spend all my moments alone than to love someone with the wrong intention. But it is impossible to love people spending all your moments alone, but rather admission that you will sequester yourself from the opportunity to express true love. Love is made to be messy, to hurt and to be so precious that you want to try it again and again until you get it right. But Love begins with God, so I must first learn in the tutelage of His expression and example, in fact I would venture to suggest it is impossible without this primary relationship with the Divine. So, I will be perhaps a bit cautious the first time of loving expression, but that second time I will prayerfully ask God’s Holy Spirit to do the impossible in my heart often devoid of His Character. To give me the capacity to look beyond the quest of self and Truly love someone as much as I love myself. To put them first, their joy, their hunger and thirst.