When God says let it all go, is it a process for you as it is for me? Instantaneous response to orders was the expectation in the Marine Corps, yet with the Sovereign God of Creation I dare to take my time. How does He bear with me considering the way I treat Him?

What is a gift but the love wrapped up in something material, spiritual or emotional given as recognition of Love and adoration. Never deserved any of this and then to hang on to the things I thought I created is just misery accounting for nonsense adorned in the nonsensical.

What pain causes a man to clutch to things that taint the wound or put pressure on the broken bone and sinew around the heart? None of this makes much sense, kneeling ridiculously before the Throne of Grace I wonder why God every thought to place a calling?

This heart has never known real love, never known the peace only found in Grace, yet God still pursues me and uses me for the most precious work He ever predestined man, those who He loves. I thanked Him last night for allowing me to do this work sneaking into the casting call.

I have slipped into every outfit in which I have found myself presentable. Sure I was adequately gifted by God but I knew that He was the only reason I ever got seat at the table. For to love as deeply as I do no man is allowed to wander freely among the minds they need conformed.

God has made me their greatest fear a man that will teach them of God’s Courage. Not afraid because I am some hero or have some mindset superior to the casting, but because my fear long ago met the protection of God and Angels in the dark of night and the driest desert.

We are not allowed. Yes, participate, share, frighten, arouse ambition, envy and contagious misunderstanding until challenged. When they see the lack of death’s pressure in my eyes they learn something they never wanted to venture about themselves and the grip of life.

We are arriving at a time that was made for a certain type of man and woman. Those who have looked upon all that this world may offer and wanted something more, something only found in surrender, self-denial and hope upon things not seen but known. Only unproven.

Letting go is okay though it always comes with the sense of loss even if the things let go were more painful than the thought of that loss. This time as often before I have no idea, no vision what lay around the next bend and though full of excited mystery it always touches the bottom of my heart’s barrel.

That scraping sound of empty is my greatest upset, tasting once again the emptiness of self found in the thorn’s and thistle’s of my planting. But it is immediately dissolved seeing the blossoms of tomorrow’s harvest knowing that even in punishment I did something for God.