These days, a rope burn around the arms and legs. A pestering thorn underneath our backside. The children mourn, old folks see their legacy in tatters and a generous swath off humanity appears absent common sense as they call for ideology of self destruction.

What Spirit captures our tortured thinking? Who governs mouths to say something encouraging or nice about those who share this march toward calamity? What governs the minds of men to promote hope and think of each other instead of meeting their pressing demand?

There is joy, found only in the promise of the future and brought into this day as shield and tool to diminish worry and what the eyes behold. For who may look upon the efforts and objectives of today’s mankind and see the eventual peace without believing the Will of God?

No, we have failed in our quest to retain God’s image. Departing from all that is holy in a quest for our own fame, fortune and minutes of pain of fleeting happiness. Our women fight us while men can’t muster enough will to lead to bring peace to their own households.

It is the master of sin we serve. The death and the payment promised as wages of this observance. We have sold opportunity for eternity to see something fleeting beneath our feet, something bad for us in our bellies and something next to us in the fornication of self.

They all want to hear cheerful verse of self consequence. They demand in meager tithe to see themselves glorified and in moments of false pretense to claim that they know God, when all that ever matter is that He knows us. We have folded the better hand we were dealt.

All of this leads to our own achievements our own imagined self and a world that reflects that inadequacy. A platter full of too ripe and not yet grown for the wonderful dream of presence with the God of all universes beyond time and the lasso of mortal limitation.

Can’t and won’t tell you what you should do. That is the greatest facet of freedom and love to be expressed by the individual as is God’s Gift of Creation. I can only warn you that those of power in this world will take that gift, own that precious freedom and deceive you into thinking they have something better, something that only they can get you. They will develop groups, councils, even under the harmless or noble title of Elder to control your worship, prayer, wisdom and giving. Just a reminder Jesus died and the VEIL between you and the Holy of Holies was torn asunder. If anyone tries to assert themselves as Arbiter between you and God He/She is False. You have an advocate beside God, You have His Holy Spirit within you as the Temple on Earth and You may go before the Throne of God covered in Christ’s Righteousness and Call Him Dad. Don’t let anyone usurp or cheapen that Amazing Grace.

Hypocrisy is the false man’s demise. Character may only be messed up once, as repentance allows forgiveness and opportunity for correction. Purity and works of perfection are an admission of the broadest stroke of human ambitions. For no one wants to be like everyone when the outcomes are dirty, tainted and miserable for the soul. I am so sorry for committing the same sin twice for I have shown my absence of Good Character.

Eve was deceived not by accident but because the desire to be equal to or above God lived within her heart. She was weighed and found wanton. Adam also ungrateful for having all made his woman the leader and disobeyed the simple but crucial prohibition he was given to serve his woman’s desire for more. Instead of saying NO, he joined her in her quest to be equal to God. This is not different than when a perfect angel considered himself the same.

I am no perfect specimen, it is clear to me why God picks broken vessels that need remaking. In my own frailties and reflection I see the same deceptive malformation as Eve and the Direct disobedience of Adam as I crave to protect what I want, My Will against God’s Fatherly direction to cast it off and deny myself to fulfill all that is Holy, Righteous and True. Even when it is just future promise, for without Faith in that promise I cannot please my Father and show him disgrace or contempt but never love.

This is the only unique thought in my simple existence, that I do not want to be God only like Him if He allows me to achieve it. I don’t want power, I don’t want perfection, I don’t want all the desires of my wicked heart for I have seen the error in my own ventures. My quest is not to achieve the desires of this wicked heart but to have it cleansed that at some point I may stop thinking and pursuing the things of self and serve God’s Will for this life and the service of others. That to me is attainment of something beyond the meager existence I may have gained.

Can I love you? Perhaps when done of my own understanding. Only through God’s Grace and the baptism of fire/transformation from the temporary and carnal may I see the objectives of God’s Wisdom and perfect hope. Look I never knew what Love was until I met Jesus. Sure I heard whispers and followed suggestions of the world as to what they believed were the bullet points of love, but women and men especially do not know what they want from moment to moment. Love being a discipline of the divine it is not simply about what we think will make us happy, but the jubilation and joy found in simple actions that sometimes have nothing to do with our own desire or outcomes.

It is not to do love right at first that I pursue. It is to make mistakes and do it right the second time, the time when Character matters after having failed and chosen wisely not of self but for the honest commitment to want to please the Father as He teaches me to love those He made. For a moment try to imagine loving someone you really hate, someone who has done you wrong, someone of true contempt. It is beyond imagination that this thing could be done of self, considering the long list of wounds and reasons for this person being deemed unworthy or my own failure and incapacity to forgive the primer for love.

I would rather spend all my moments alone than to love someone with the wrong intention. But it is impossible to love people spending all your moments alone, but rather admission that you will sequester yourself from the opportunity to express true love. Love is made to be messy, to hurt and to be so precious that you want to try it again and again until you get it right. But Love begins with God, so I must first learn in the tutelage of His expression and example, in fact I would venture to suggest it is impossible without this primary relationship with the Divine. So, I will be perhaps a bit cautious the first time of loving expression, but that second time I will prayerfully ask God’s Holy Spirit to do the impossible in my heart often devoid of His Character. To give me the capacity to look beyond the quest of self and Truly love someone as much as I love myself. To put them first, their joy, their hunger and thirst.

Anticipate, Prepare, stare off into the clouded sky hoping everything remains the same? What dawn awaits your imagination and prayer?

Who has given the seeds of future knowledge and the comfort, peace to stand and wait on promise? There is power in knowing what awaits.

Certainly, I am confronted with personal deliberation and decision about the worry we must face in waiting. For sure hope must replace all fear.

I am not in charge of what happens but knowing and choosing God’s Will over the world’s I am aligned with the Power that makes one of them certain.

How does that change: heart, thought, prayer, mind and ambition? Is character modified by knowing things that others daily, simply mull over repeatedly?

What are the fruits meant to produce when introduced into the body? How does the physiognomy of man change as this Spiritual diet transforms?

Why, oh Lord did you pick someone as obviously incapable of these miracles if not but to demonstrate that I never could do the necessary things of salvation?

There is glory in the patient Waiting. Belief armors, fruits adapt and fill the tool kit of man against the wiles of the enemy and the pressures of the world.

We then must decide to acknowledge the powers we have been given not as sorcerers or gods but as men equipped by God for the unraveling of His Will.

Or choose to serve our own imagination and doomed existence to be separate from Him here and spend eternity banished in pain and all we asked to receive.

Expressions of fear do nothing to solidify your defense, they erode, dissolve energy and prepare the heart and foundation for collapse.

Face it, the worst thing that may happen is your expiration. Oh, now we got the thread to pull apart your false sense of hope built on loam.

Did you die with Christ already? Born Again, what does that mean and why do they roll their eyes at you as you think they understood?

Everlasting life, that a fairy tale to them. Is it to you as well? If you are running around expressing, worries, doubt and pain what of it?

A man or woman living their new life now does not hang their head in morbidity and remorse at the possibility of losing this temporary existence.

In fact when you see this example you must confront it with the Holy Reason associated with being freed from sin and death. How can it be?

If you are still afraid of dying then aren’t you acknowledging the lack of salvation found dying on the Cross with Christ Jesus at Calvary?

I know it is impossible the good stuff and power starts with that admission. This is not a thing that you do well by mustering or maintaining your own energy.

This is a thing of God, A Saving Grace, A hopeful promise of all things being gathered at some day unto their Creator as HE promised.

Perhaps that is key, to look to the author and finisher of our faith instead of the tasks, talents, treasures and trials of the world?

As the hands of the potter shape the clay spinning on the wheel or punched against the table our job is best performed in the lack of resistance.

The shaping comes as we forget our fear and walk into the light of life that Christ has twice given, once to bring us the water birth, the second baptism by fire.

Those born of fire do not fear the flames. It is a quenching fire a taming hold upon the carbon based atoms of our making turning them to something new.

To all those I have let down it is the greatest gift to me that you allow me to apologize, never mind the grace surrounding the allowance to make amends for whatever actions i took or dropped that disappointed or hurt you.

Simply walking away is not sufficient when you are what the Lord sent me after. Not simple pursuit but prayer, encourage, treasures surrendered, hope offered and sacrifices made of heart, mind and matter enough to see your Love.

Time doesn’t matter and matter doesn’t respect time only velocity and acceleration as light reflects the colors of God’s Tremendous care for all of Creation. Not to mention the reminders of that love when I most needed it.

What are dreams when they don’t reflect the wanton, the jealous or those who simply spend lives and lifetimes looking in a shaded piece of glass hanging in the parlor with chair and armoire that never meant any thing to anybody.

Dash it, crash it, smash it all then trash it for the only things worth reason and the greatest of four seasons is the moment when Spring let’s you sing of the flowers and rain forgetting all the pain so you never go insane the little purple stain.

All at once remember every thought preloaded ten thousand films at once processing, potions, wonders and fleeting moments of those things so adorable I found so worthy of addressing now I am confessing you really got me stressing.

It could have been simple, no long words no feigned good natured good byes no trials, no repeats, no mistakes and no apologies for having not done the right thing when given the golden opportunity to reflect God’s Love for you. Then.

I am challenged beyond my personal capacity to resolve the problems before me. That is a joyous moment of the end of myself and the chance to be fully reliant upon God. What is done in the coming days, weeks and year(s) will be the testimony told of my existence and fruits of my prayers, thoughts and actions in the fields of God’s harvest.

My health is frail at best considering the family propensity to early exist from this temporary life. The fact that I would seek or be fearful of it being temporary is perhaps the greatest argument for human foolishness in which I participate. The answer to this only found in my reliance upon God turning this life into everlasting.

My only measure for efficacy, success of failure will solely be found in that absolute surrender to Sovereign Dependence. The Fruits of God’s Holy Spirit born in my life are extraordinary evidence of my rebirth in the death upon the Cross of Calvary. Born again by the Holy Fire Baptism and sealed by the indwelling of the Earnest of Salvation the Holy Spirit of my promised redemption.

Electing to aid or abet His Enemy’s would be active defiance of God’s Will for my life and those He seeks to redeem for Eternity. I simply won’t and cannot, but as Peter showed us, I must always leave room in my vows for the wiggle room of my own imperfection before God. I will do what I will do and pray that as the heroes of the Bible my actions will be found fruitful. What then is my focus?

Well that God is with me now and will never leave. Walking with God’s Spirit through each sin or opportunity for fulfillment of God’s Will is the consciousness that aids or avails my heart and everyone in this nation. We are facing deception on a stellar scaled as demons, doctrine and agents of the fallen seek to lead astray humanity from the Saving Focus upon God.

It is neither presumption nor misunderstanding on my part to say right now, They are headed for absolute failure, judgment and sudden destruction at the hand of the Wrath of the Lamb, the only one found worthy to open the scrolls, vials and bowls. My appeal to all is to focus on Him and avoid, flee, or repent of any prayer, thought or action that is contrary to God’s command in the Word and upon Your life.

When God says let it all go, is it a process for you as it is for me? Instantaneous response to orders was the expectation in the Marine Corps, yet with the Sovereign God of Creation I dare to take my time. How does He bear with me considering the way I treat Him?

What is a gift but the love wrapped up in something material, spiritual or emotional given as recognition of Love and adoration. Never deserved any of this and then to hang on to the things I thought I created is just misery accounting for nonsense adorned in the nonsensical.

What pain causes a man to clutch to things that taint the wound or put pressure on the broken bone and sinew around the heart? None of this makes much sense, kneeling ridiculously before the Throne of Grace I wonder why God every thought to place a calling?

This heart has never known real love, never known the peace only found in Grace, yet God still pursues me and uses me for the most precious work He ever predestined man, those who He loves. I thanked Him last night for allowing me to do this work sneaking into the casting call.

I have slipped into every outfit in which I have found myself presentable. Sure I was adequately gifted by God but I knew that He was the only reason I ever got seat at the table. For to love as deeply as I do no man is allowed to wander freely among the minds they need conformed.

God has made me their greatest fear a man that will teach them of God’s Courage. Not afraid because I am some hero or have some mindset superior to the casting, but because my fear long ago met the protection of God and Angels in the dark of night and the driest desert.

We are not allowed. Yes, participate, share, frighten, arouse ambition, envy and contagious misunderstanding until challenged. When they see the lack of death’s pressure in my eyes they learn something they never wanted to venture about themselves and the grip of life.

We are arriving at a time that was made for a certain type of man and woman. Those who have looked upon all that this world may offer and wanted something more, something only found in surrender, self-denial and hope upon things not seen but known. Only unproven.

Letting go is okay though it always comes with the sense of loss even if the things let go were more painful than the thought of that loss. This time as often before I have no idea, no vision what lay around the next bend and though full of excited mystery it always touches the bottom of my heart’s barrel.

That scraping sound of empty is my greatest upset, tasting once again the emptiness of self found in the thorn’s and thistle’s of my planting. But it is immediately dissolved seeing the blossoms of tomorrow’s harvest knowing that even in punishment I did something for God.

Mourning is not a career, nor is dancing upon star dust throwing chrysanthemums along the well lit path. Range of motion and flexibility of response are the tools of readiness and repair.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to bored to slumber in a life that has lukewarm events and little spontaneous delight or despair. Abundance is not simply an accumulation of delight or sorrow, but a vast array of experience, hope and yes remorse for loss of those we love.

Lilacs and Daffodils are wonderful to smell, look upon and remember but so too are the frogs, winters and huge broken branches from storms that we survived. It all makes me.

Tragedy is not my friend but in tragedy I have made the best of friends, people who without the help we offered each other might have never met. As if the experience were the opportunity to collect the rare people and events.

Slumber not when light still stands to meet the demands of the Divine on hand and heart, not just the end but middle and the start. Some of the best learning collected were the worst times.

Along the road to heaven’s gate one can never be early or arrive a little too late. For it is not fate that makes us wait but the weight of wisdom that sponsors one date. A perfect time.

I love this world, you and all these choices, even appreciate in a loony way the passion and the voices. But home it calls not tonight that seems so alluring but the timing’s just not right.

Do I say things to be heard, to influence thought and action of the sphere to which I may imaginatively provide influence? That part of me writing for audience wants that to be hidden for all manner of reasons.

This site and those who have read it for nearly 15 years was established by a young man writing in the code of the mind as vehicle to write those things in the only rational manner to achieve privacy, while getting it concreted in this dimension.

Radically, singing the songs within a heart that was drummed into believing a rhythm plaid singularly to God and to self was unacceptable in this conformist reality. All of those aspects which represent success in this world have been avoided on purpose refusing to become the man I was beaten, intimidated and threatened to become.

What does this cost, well: glory, money, position, passion and fame? I determined having found some measure of all that none would reflect my love and passion for Christ Jesus. It hurt to let go of the world’s trappings but not nearly as much as abdicating the Purpose God had for my life.

So, what words shall I send to you, knowing fully that both my desire to speak freely in my own language while fully comprehending the: sharpening, ministry and edification that I may do through the gifts of spirit and the Truth of His Word? Do I actively want people’s heart to be aided and persuaded while offering hope and trust in the Promises of the Lord? Well I would be both foolish and untruthful in saying otherwise.

You whether friend or considering yourself my foe are the treasure of God’s Pursuit. It is my greatest desire to be a vessel/junket of God’s Perfect Will for mankind. That means He is waiting for ALL of you to come to Him and find everlasting Life, that you may live on beyond this temporary field of testing.

What then has he made a sensitive young man whose only avenue was to both hide but find glory to aide in inferiority recovery? This duality is the only path that could possibly lead to these moments in fulfillment of God’s Purpose in my making.

You see, we must experience the factual instances or experiences in this life to prompt the sharpening, ministry and edification producing the end result of useful witness and gifting. Upon reflection of the road behind me I find that this life was perfect in offering me choices. These choices produced what you read before you. Equally producing the aspects of internal review and blossoming imagination but the impacts and gravity of the Words God has given me to share.