Considering the joy of pain the greatest gain as the blood stain in suffering beside Christ our Savior. No reason to relinquish joy or somehow find annoyance in the sponsor of change. The Law and the ghastly realization of our internal poison the moment we found prompting to cry out for mercy, hope and transformation. Thank you Lord for the betrayors, haters, liars, judges and thieves. I am overwhelmed to think of them in mercy and gratitude as the pain they have brought me shook me spiritually awake, that I am once again seeking rightness with You.

Everyone asks bemoaning the pain and challenge of their lives. Compassion flows for their challenges, loss and my love surrounds them in the prayers I offer Father, in Jesus’ name. However, they should count themselves fortunate at least and victors at best for receiving the greatest motivational asset for which it is clear this world was designed. Without hurt, we are simply dirt hoping and pursuing contentment and comfort that is scantly available and rarely found at length. The true blessing of this life is to experience the blessing of transformation, sanctification and eventual extraction to gather with the King among all that Truly belongs to Him.

I hope for you, but I also see how your thoughts and idle pursuits are challenged by the road you have chosen. Ought I pray for comfort, perhaps but the love in my heart demands the recognition that this self inflicted set of challenges will perhaps waken you to the whispers of God’s Will for this life and the next. So, I am sorry for not showing you the grace in my joyous acceptance of the obstacles, challenges, temptations and revival found within my struggle. The mercy is that I get to struggle at all and be associated with Christ Jesus in that awareness, recognition and continuing rebirth to something beyond the limitations of the man who knew only the end of this world. You were the exact false hope I needed to see in my awakening that I had been seeking one in the first place.

Real Love knows no end, it does not quit, it does not have expectations that remain unsaid it simply seeks to serve, comfort, enjoy and rejoice. I am glad that the words were somehow haunting me in the revelation that real love is never shown in word but in walk. Men, love is given without expectation of return, a wife must find it in her heart to want to help not be forced to offer or produce that which she would not have freely given. Ladies, satan waits for you on the other side of the fence offering the false hope and greenery of this world as you judge your man inadequate for the marriage he vowed to sustain. We better get much smarter and quick because we keep repeating the same mistakes men and women have made for thousands of years outside the garden.

I will never match someone’s expectations of me. I will try my hardest and continually fail to match God’s Word for my identity, but that doesn’t disqualify me from real love. In fact, God loved me so much at my worst moments that He died for me. Yes, I want to be what He seeks for me, but I must acknowledge and adhere to the auspice of real love in that it doesn’t demand you meet criteria, measure up or follow an agenda of perfection. In fact, the pain is a recognition that God is already fully engaged in the process of my being set apart for Him. He is changing me and if that is not sufficient for Brother, Woman, Mother, Son or chief then it is my job to love myself enough to step away and let that person seek the match for their projections in grateful thanks for the pain that shapes me so well and wishes that you find whatever matches those yearning desires you have yet to meet. In Jesus’ Name. Thank You Lord for the pain that cauterizes my wounds into scars. Just like Yours. Amen.

All the promises of this world end up with the same result, fulfillment in short duration and stature here while sidelining, neglecting focus on the eternal. No object, thing or promise here is consistent with the Promises of God if its outcome matches and completes that which is meant to fulfill my happiness here.

Joy is not a thing of the flesh. It only knows happiness, even in instances where we fulfill our deepest wishes. For example, I may live a life with family, job, works or wishes, all completely met and achieved if they are inconsistent with the reasons for which God continues to keep a believer here.

Jesus came to divide humanity, those who continue in the drum beat of the world and those who want all that it offers, no matter how brief. I have known the happiness of the world, the collection of things, situations and location only to be left in the same deep sorrow of not knowing Jesus or bringing His Gospel of love to the world for which He died.

Take for example a relationship lived for the principle of peace and comfort with the King or Queen of our choosing. Does it truly flourish without the blessing of God’s Hand upon it. Let’s say a couple join together for the intention of having children, then spend their entire lives struggling to provide for that family, all the while neglecting to teach the children God’s law. How does that prosper us in God’s economy? How does it serve the King?

Perhaps take a look at religion. Joining a group, organization or good works venture. Does that assure that God’s Will is done with the efforts and gifts of the team? What if the doctrine develops rituals and policies that clearly contradict God’s Word or practices that seek solace in science? What does the departure from the Perfect Doctrine of Christ’s Love deliver for woman or man when the clock stops ticking. The simple controlling factor of life is that we don’t know how much of it we are given.

For my entire life the Church as an organization has struggled. Not in making money or bringing in recruits, but in following the Head of the Church in word, thought and deed. We have built businesses, fellowship organizations and charity groups that by business results are quite productive. However we don’t teach about the essentials of being born again and the pivotal importance of the Holy Spirit, without whom we do not have eternal life.

It must be flipped right side up. We must take jobs, enter into vows and own what God wants us to use for the Good of ushering in His Kingdom. This will immediately be challenged, ignored or laughed at by those who are not serious believers in Christ Jesus. Question: Do you think He died for us so that we can simply continue in our previous lives? Or even worse sell ourselves or purchase the lie being fed by prosperity doctrine or replacement theology in direct violation to God’s Law.

No we see those who are walking the broad boulevard that leads directly to hell and separation from God. Why then do we continue on the broad boulevard along with the Earth Dwellers to whom God promises Wrath? What deception is that powerful, what foolishness that tasty, what idea so promising that it outweighs salvation, rebirth, forgiveness and everlasting Life with the Living God? It doesn’t. Then why do anything that is not Spirit led?

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Mark 8:36

I miss all of you when you choose to go away, some more than others but all are remembered fondly and regularly. However, I cannot make the decisions in relationships, that requires two and when you’ve made your decisions in love I truly want to give you what you’ve demanded or requested. For that is love, the free will to choose your own road and who will accompany you upon it. God willing He provides the right companions, mates and enemies that you arrive exactly where and when He wants you.

That this is a common occurrence requires my own investigation, especially after the harsh things that have been claimed by those in parting. Going before God in humility, hope and clarity is the greatest gift I have been given. Assurance in character and in deed may only be found in transparency sitting before the Throne of God. I always see, admit, accept and expect God’s hand of transformation upon me following each descendance or parting. After the interaction though not ending or passing the way I would have liked has been meant for both our reflection, conviction and growth.

If my enemies are provided for my sanctification as I pray for them in love, how much more those of Grace will provide for my edification, even in loss. Man I wish sometimes that I had those perfect skills and words to share at just the right time as you demanded. But I think it is the commitment to face life together regardless the clashes, dashes, dots, yods and tittles that defines true love. So, in some manner I am glad that those who leave have done so. Though it is a nice dream to see relationships work out the way we would want them, it is a far better thing to feel the Hand of God upon each of our spirits as we each pursue the doctrine of perfection we could never find alone.

Do I miss you yes? Do I want for you the desires of your heart yes? Am I the partner, friend, Pastor or Brother to walk with you in each fire, together till we reach out mutual end? These are not questions I may answer myself. However, the greatest danger in choosing my own road has always been that I have not listened or obeyed the command of God. By nature I will invariably first contemplate the easiest path, but always end up on the hard road that leads to greater maturity, growth and spiritual refinement. That being said it is impossible for me to see that the difficult road and interaction both of us experienced, the truth with which I clung in pursuance of God’s Purpose and the Love with which I fondly release you are all the same dedication to objective love. You are not what I want you to be but what you are and are becoming which I adore. Letting you go is a pleasure not a curse.

What a wonderful place to be tried and focused. To see those things in cupboards, garage and kitchen that fester or foster growth and imagination. Such splendid array of troublesome works. Finding everything so attractive until bought, bartered or clutched. Aspiration, generation, imagination all so nonchalant, dangerous and refining, in the fires, caldrons and chemical reactions when put in contact with life or the misery and longing for release from limitations.

How promising the ideas in our heads when we first set upon the road of immaculate conceptions. Everything so pure and perfect till tried and tested in the bare knuckle brawling of the climb to mountain’s top. Wavering yet never ready to simply step away from the caustic, charismatic or promising. Locks picked, gasps given at horizons without end and sweet, sorrowful ballads in measured delivery when hearts, broken fail to find the luster.

It’s skylines, caverns, shallows, swallows and vales, scented of lilac, palm and pine. Refining by nature, especially when drawn or cornered into stints of loneliness, longing or prideful stand for reasons unknown or inexplicable. Searching for the promises of a first kiss, scent memories or the inkling of something rarely discovered. Matching day dream and dalliance we fall, reluctantly knowing in advance that the challenge brings the mastery.

Nothing sure but more often the same though something else beckons. Washed clean in the winds, erosion and pressures of the forgery. Made new when clinging to familiar. Hoping for the ready, steady and knowable yet realizing the promise of wisdom, passion and experience. No heart is changed by simplicity, but in difficulty and disappointed reason sponsors gifting. Learning to love in a way that we have never chosen, crafted or pursued.

What dance in pants too long for whirling? What dreams without the moral character of man or woman born to something good? Do the guilty lose their regret and displeasure replacing the hard, cold and callous sense of defeat for the things they just cant muster? Into the abyss we wander senseless, tempting the edge and prancing foolish against the overwhelming clutch of gravity and utter destruction. Only to step back with a gasp, flustered and excited by the moment of life’s testing.

Looking past the clouds, darkness and even the blinding sun, knowing something beyond the veil of my existence. What purple or pink blossoms are found the other side of midnight? What light reveals but the shadows and episodic blackness of our damaged journey. Surrendered to be replenished in the graceful fall of yonder ripples. Face down in mud or frozen splendor, rising to the joy and shame of challenged doubt. Paralysis broken by shear unplanned action.

Knowing that whether thrashing worry and defeat be breakfast, the salty dogs of afternoon shall follow. Leaving beside the roadside always humbling, gravely and arduous intent or hopeful wishing the smooth chaser of silky, solemn indifference and polite consideration. These are the days of becoming for which they prepared me. Not easy, never boring or contrite, but something akin to the Earth so deep for planting or foundation. Erected in error to the sun or fortified to withstand the driving rain and winter’s chill.

I desire to shout a word that no one else has ever heard. The word of heart and intent of man that has very little with God’s Plan. To tell you how you have erred by running scared as anger flared. But hope in word is never found as hunter seldom seeks the hound.

The things I want matter little as I sit alone opine and fiddle. The absence of the heart of want its best to take the base by bunt. As mysteries of God append the knowledge of which men offend. Flesh will rule when given ear to drink red wine and run in fear.

Until God’s Spirit the only Word we hear forgotten mine, please hold my beer. For my want is will that I and me hold dear. Each episode a faithless smear. So, run and stand upon your pride, keeping faith to fear inside. The precipice so deep and wide we thought to jump.

In Christ confide. The only way to heaven’s gate, whether way too early or much too late. Fashioned free from voice of self so few the words that rhyme with elf. Small the man of appetite who thinks he has rightly joined the fight. The light has won and it is done.

Built of Trust and Hope. Courage that often fades in the sight of dominance. It must reside in our hearts and force action in our minds prone to paralysis in face of the overwhelming. We are not the simple sort who lay down, shy or run from the shadow of darkness approaching. These are the days of Princes and Priestesses, standing in prayer and council, sealed in the Spirit of the Almighty. Certainly tasting fear, but then biting hard upon pouting lip to spit the seeds of cowardice upon the graven Earth of heathen gods.

Rough hands that sifted the sands, rocks and dirt of time trying to build something in this frail, torn world. Digging deeply to build upon the Rock of Ages that what is left may face time undaunted, ready for the storms of sand, wind and waters. Men were made in the image of God, The Father in Loving Sovereign Authority outside the effects of the creation that adores, fears or disobeys. The Son, Sacrificial with a heart for man but an iron rod to shepherd all creation to surround. The Spirit, the comforting, convicting, faithful testimony of Truth that seals men for eternity and defeated death raising our High Priest from the Grave.

I am sorry that I mourn for you. Perhaps the love I have given or spared was shared knowledge that we must be ready even in our greatest moments of compassion and reserve. We may not hope upon ourselves when we face odds greater than our heart and hand. We must unite around the glorious faith of God and His promise basing our courage upon something that has already overcome all that we now are facing. Stand not with trust in self, romance, storm or money, but in the Loving God who chose to breathe life into each of us that at some point we may discover the choice of everlasting life, peeling back the mysterious which confront all men.

In my failure I do not rage, nor seek excuse. I look forward, not the gardens of my own working but the those miracles that may touch each of us as we accept our work as vessels of God’s Perfect will for this world and the hereafter. This is the time when we must have already made choice or be swept up by the wind and wills surrounding and screaming that all should afraid. Afraid of what I say? What shall we fear in understanding that God’s Plan emerges on the plains before our mistrust and absent hope? We cannot find hope without knowing God for He is that trust, that thing beyond ourselves that surpasses this world caught in its own desired entropy.

Color as you will the hues, shapes and perspective with which you see the world. I will neither warn nor criticize as we all need to paint the story in our own version. But mine has all been painted, not yet revealed but none the less colorful or resolute and real. For the canvass I view I am color smeared upon it in the deftly crafted vision of God Himself. This is his picture and removes from me the need for concern, worry or expectation. This is not my imagination but one far greater than I could ever display or portray. This is from the mind and eye of God and frankly I don’t really know all that is coming, but I want it. There is no single thing for which I hope more than to see you make the same decision, waiting upon God to reveal His masterpiece and trust Him as He does.

My intentions in a perfect world would match God’s Will. Do they? Only the fruits of my works for the Kingdom may demonstrate the proof or the self justification of inadequate truth.

All of us want to do some good in the world. All of us that call ourselves by His name want to at the end of the day go before the Throne of God and hear those faithful words commending our actions as serving His Will.

Our difficulty resides in the vain imagination or the coloring book of our desire to be found worthy. What if that simply complex conflict is the struggle for each of us? You see, we are already worthy at the moment we found the wisdom in choosing Christ.

I should never have to convince either myself or someone else of my alignment with God’s Will, it will frankly be self-evidentiary. Jesus said the measure are the fruits. Therefore, my words or argument matter little in fact my effort to convince perhaps detracts from my faithful service to the King.

Fruits of the Holy Spirit speak through God’s Word and Voice. Just as I am born again of heavenly seed to do the works that God set before me before my creation, those seeds will present as the evidence of my purpose and foundation.

I don’t need anything but prayer. However, I cringe at the implication that somehow since I fall short of another human’s measuring stick that those prayers will overcome my inadequacy and find me worthy. Judge yourself if it assists you and honors God. He alone is the judge of all.

No longer being the man who died on the cross with Christ Jesus, having died to self, I really don’t much care what folks think of how I am doing. I believe this is a veiled lure to get involved in the original argument regarding my worth. A worth that is already argued and put to bed by the presence of the Fruits of the Spirit and never by my words or works.

So, do my intentions ever matter? Perhaps. Do my intentions in fact pose the risk of running counter to the truth? Absolutely My intentions even when offered for the good of the Kingdom may be the exact point of self or worldly worship that takes me away from God, as is evidenced in Revelation 2 in Jesus’ chastisement of Ephesus.

If I am inclined to God’s Will then I will never feel the distance from God that my intentions often serve. I am not about my heart or head intentions but about the Love, Joy, Peace and Patience of God found only when walking in the Spirit’s guidance.

For absent the Fruits of God’s Holy Spirit and the outcomes that the WORD says will occur through that interaction, I am on my own venture that will only bring me distance from the Lord, which is never a good thing, as God said it is not good for man to be alone.

Perhaps when the storm arises the greatest demonstration of my inclination and understanding of the relationship with Almighty God would be to take a nap at His feet in the bottom of the boat. His Will be done especially when I stop resisting it or serving my own.

Self, propriety, fairness and contempt. The wounds reviewed, catalogued, washed a restart both required and mandated. Held by nothing but the Hand of God and devotion to His Name. The path shall emerge even through desert sands and wanting.

My name shall not be remembered or even faintly recalled. No prayers needed for the dying as they are revived into breath, life and light. Repentance is fulfilled in vast return to the gravel pits that once enforced our labor and deception.

Enlisted as servant to the slaves and ministers of vast seeded plains. No need for freedom of choice inconsistent with the doulos I have always wanted to become. Prayer no duty to those who seek the wonders beyond understanding.

Disposed, inclined to reason and reality. Waste upon the road of acquisition and gratification. Rising to feed the locusts of wrath and peace. Even the weeds are belly full for soldiers sent forth as dust upon the winds of change.

There must be death before rebirth, the beauty of retreat before victory silence before the noise of resurrection. What power emitting in witness of the Light. Cast all land once captured in the darkness of self loathing, bathed.

In beams of projected power, parsecs unknown, beyond contention of the previous. Wrongly. Calculated a worth that is simply powder through the sieve of time, facing predetermined end lost all expectation and grandeur in adoration.

Released in the rapids to fend. Mended in the weight of witness and importance unforgiving. These days of contemplation led by lesser thinking to emerge unscathed with skin afresh. What then is placed upon the sanitized table, remembrance?

To respond to the anguish my body calls me to silence. The addictive nature of food, flesh and drink. Can’t even think without my hand striking the pose of the coffee cup it conditionally wants to hold. Is conditioning the resolution that bends to unrequited love?

Would I be enjoying the rewards of bountiful life if my skin and organs called me to take the next puff, pop the next pill or look upon the outrageous video demonstration of coitus? Would the love of Christ be in my heart for my wife or husband as I dreamt or envisioned another?

What is the cause of the viewing of grass beyond the fence of God’s provision? Is my simple wife less appealing because I have seen the world’s definition of beautiful and replaced the one God gave me?

Funny looking, beyond brilliant in my figuring but immature in my quest to understand the nature of this gifting. Simply, what did God make you? Then that is the imagination for which I must strive, is to understand the purpose for that gift, not to live in a fleshly quest to replace it with that which the Worldly man lusts.

What is a crutch but a physical replacement for the faith in God I wanted. Each time my body cries out for fleshly gratification and I honor it I am fulfilling the lusts of the flesh, feeding my inclusion with Earth’s Dwellers.

Why my hand tremors for that which I yearn, whatever form the mechanism, I am provided a method of escape to remember and stand upon the absolute dependence upon the Joy that God has provided for my born again life. Having never known this new voice until my rebirth, I am now faced with the struggle against my own internal yearning.

A struggle that will always be watched for by the enemies of my existence. How else do I believe that they will steal, kill and destroy those joys reserved for me having been extracted from the prison of flesh, mortality and sin?

They are wonderful promptings leading us back onto the path of greatest resistance the Only path to righteousness found upon my way the King. Is sex good when experienced in love with your wife or husband, most certainly. However, it ought not be camouflaged with the yearning to fulfill the sexual addictions or “mind’s eye” of the porn or strange flesh that my mortal man yearns.

Simple questions provoke the most anguish from those challenged with addiction. And by addiction I mean any compelling influence to take an action outside of the Joy and Freedom of the Abundant Life we were given. Are you drinking in Joy or to dampen/embellish the experience? Are you smoking for the Joy of fellowship and experience of life well lived or because the nicotine, weed or whatever will return to that state of agitation/calm you could not find in Christ? Are you opining or coercing wife or husband into sex so that you can feel that moment of personal satisfaction or to experience the blessings of oneness that God promised in Your ordained marriage?

Intentions matter little when reviewing outcomes, for minds may be changed or deceived embarking on what previously were determined as noble tasks.Except with determining the mental state and intent to complete an action. We are involved in purposeful deception, not only by enemies but by the very organizations that govern our own missions and objectives. Do we have the right mind to fulfill the will of God not only for own purposes but for the sole reason we are in this fight to bring Glory, Honor and Praise to His Holy name.

We were warned and educated by God’s Holy Spirit inspired Word to prepare against deception as a Body. Yet are we? Do we have the intentional mind and requisite intention to armor ourselves against the most powerful deceiver to ever fall to the Earth? That preparation begins with Assigned Gifts, not Titles to be used to push believers into giving you the wealth you see available but for the purpose of Holy Ministry, through teaching, preaching, evangelism, apostleship and administrative leadership.This is a labor not of work but of love and respect for God in obeying His direction.

Too many do not fear God, which is the beginning of wisdom. Adam & Eve demonstrated their lack of fear of the Sovereign God, he had to educate Moses that He must strike off his sandals upon the Holy Ground and Job that our righteousness matters little when facing the Great and Terrifying God beyond time. We perform our trespasses against God either without consideration of God’s Wrath or in direct defiance of the same. Perhaps, just perhaps if Eve had notified her man about the Serpent and what he had suggested then Adam fully fearing and loving God would have been able to inquire of the Lord as to an alternate action.

The fact, that we even now search for every man centered solution to the problems that confront us is convicting evidence of our lack of respect and reverent fear for God Almighty. We are so ready to follow any man who will take our coin for good suggestions then sent our sons off to War in search of the same unreliable outcomes of death and sin.It is the awe inspiring moment each of us meets the Almighty that inspires our obedience, not just through fear but the Love born of gratefulness for being saved from the same dilemmas out of which no man could deliver us. We are a pitiful lot that we think of God as a last resort and even then look down our nose at the impossible deliverance in its reception.

Well, we are up against it now. The world has begun its entropy into the fires that will reshape it for eternity. And Yet we still have no fear of the Lord, at least not enough to cry out to Him for salvation, direction and rest. I tired of the impassioned speeches and soliloquy of ambassadorial eloquence. Searching day an night the vocabulary of expired Greek tragedy and Roman tradition to hear the cheers and rumbles of humans choosing and friendship of worldly branding. Enough of the Earth Dwelling ignorance absent the fear of the Awesome God of All. If you don’t want to hear that is okay, I love you enough to say the one time I have been allotted. I do not say it to humble, bash or change you but to offer the seeds of possibility that you may come to a personal decision to obey God’s command upon Your life right now to escape the wrath that He promises is coming. In Jesus name.