I don’t know your answers, but I will ask the Lord for both of us. Thinking of words that were fashioned before time was an idea. I cannot resolve all the difficulties for there would remain no challenge in the campaign to become a better man. This day, these trials and temptations are meant for my transition, from carnal to eternal. As much as I wish to escape them and move to a comfortable easy stride perhaps downhill, that ease would not my mind or legs prosper.

Oh, easy street, when will you rise up to meet our feet? This is what I hear brandished about in the winny of human whim. My own heart fools me into the fantasy of comfort, thinking that is my perfect resting place. Though on the contrary this heart of pain and simplicity has born more growth in one months time then years upon the cushy bed of comfort. I would not wish the arduous tasks upon men but in season after season I see them and myself turned to better for it.

How is it that in getting older I grow less weak. Though my body and mind should naturally be slowing I find my strength renewed, increased in some defiance of the natural order of carnality. What is diminished by growth in everlasting? My heart, mind and soul do not like the efforts placed upon them yet they grow in endurance, character, hope and resilience when so pressured.

I do so miss the idea of love. Pausing throughout the day to imagine the depth and relief provided in a supportive wife, family and friends. God said it is not good for man to be alone, of that I have no doubt. Though being alone in contentment of His provision, protection and promise I have been able to help those who have fallen or become lost on the road to their Godly outcomes.

Can that be wrong? Can this man crave comfort, normalcy and repetition only to find within that framework the agonies of self reliance, complacency and sedentary reasoning? I am so sorry that doing God’s work makes this path appear the prison of my unfulfilling nightmares in that conversation we so crave with Christ. For when a man knows that which is right and does not do it that is sin.

Mine begins when I want to lie still in embrace. Comforted, emptied of the world’s concern, peaceful in my own definition of completion. Time and again I find the passions of effort, decision and more struggle than I may personally withstand the caveats to true attainment. I do not wish for rest, but know that my rest is in Christ Jesus, for He is the Sabbath. We seek peace yet do not know Him and therefore cannot know the true peace of God’s intention.

In my world there will always be More than enough, as God is faithful to provide for all of our needs according to His riches and Glory by Christ Jesus. I shall not be in want for I trust Him implicitly with the life He gave me. But this is not something within the grasp of most men or those who would be with them. I live in a perfect garden, not by man’s expectation nor the deceitful pits and voices of my own heart, but by the Grace of God for which I am created.