Granite dreams, made hard in the quest to be strong against the daunting pain of rejection and fear. Learning often too late that no adjustment saves the heart from experiencing glorious upset, loss and experiential valuation. I don’t want to change, don’t want to continue in apology, but what God ordains comes to pass, nothing more or less. Try as I might to make it all match the roadmap of internia, the mountains climbed and rivers crossed never divert from God’s Will and Planning.

To say you don’t miss someone is a sorrowful dissemble. Why pursue a lasting partnership without intention of sharing love and when failure or circumstance interrupts there is no way to simply escape the lasting footprints of loving companionship. No, the pain is intrinsic to love, even the best relationship still feel the emotions of argument, separation and disappointment. It is comfort and realization that what was ventured mattered. No reason for investment without that comfort.

These are the days of recovery, investigation and change. Not some cleverly induced bullet points of self-improvement rather daily confession and time with the King, seeking the conviction and guidance of Spirit, readying myself for what He has ahead of me. What a wonderful time of whisper, correspondence and memory. Remembering exactly the missteps of previous venture. Knowing again the staunch and forgiving Voice of God in my life. This is never the end but rather an end to reinforce the importance of that new beginning as God opens doors that may never be shut.

To that end I feel greater mandate of trust. For if the previous doors were opened by God then they still would remain available. Note in the back of my head that there is no worry in doors shut as if they were God’s doing they would have stood wide open. There is no flexibility in anger, passion and divorce. Thankfully a vow before God is in His will to continue and He bids us care when expressing them. For acquaintance is not hope until it reaches the tender and faithful expression of commitment.

Being afraid never helps as dance steps are forced or controlled, never natural. Thank you Lord for the priceless life lessons. May they be reinforced that they are part of internal topography consistent with Your Want and Will. In Jesus Name.