Not just looking but seeing the parts of your self that even you refuse to forgive. Those aspects that are beyond self-control, repetitive agents of destruction staring back at you when you venture to review. These are the days that are so long to suffer. Seeing things that are true you wish weren’t, incurable moments where it seems that even the Almighty has left you bereft of His Sovereignty and transformation. No amount of depression, wishing, hoping or simply looking away changes that which should and must be guided into freedom.

This is the moment of surrender or departure from the miraculous hand of God. It is not enough to simply abide them or think that they will somehow self-correct. They must be eradicated or be taken from you leaving you to forgive yourself which must be done in loving care. There are things I would ask for you to sustain. There are things I would ask you to convict me of and there are things Lord My God that you will have to remove from me that are stubbornly destroying a move forward into truly loving the people before me in Grace.

The single common theme is the arrival at a departure from those things which have gone before. Crying out to God for assistance, knowing absent His intervention these things will either fester or prove too great to tame. I pray that you and I both are at that point of surrender, perhaps the only way to move forward in any endeavor expecting a different outcome than the past can or would provide. What is the catalyst? Well pain for one is the typical outcome from insufferable behavior as the people and relationships are repeatedly and arguably perpetually destroyed no matter how you tend them or wish for healthy abdication.

The answer is never found in more self-loathing, nor in wearing the hateful shirt they would have you don as they label you imperfect. These too are tools of the uncommon, may the Lord rebuke them in their unloving comportment. No, this must be done in love and surrender to God’s Almighty salvation. No other power possesses the logical control to find you to the other side and freedom. For whatever reason I have been an insufferable rear end. Standing here either in self-reflection or public viewing there is no other acceptable answer. As to the solution it will be found because it is consistent with the humble need for transformation and the conviction that God frequently reminds me. The failures of self are the learning prompts of the man I am to become.

I honestly don’t know the path that it will take me to arrive at destination. I am sorry that the pain this situation gave both of us was inconsistent with the tolerable. Run, certainly run. As the answers are beyond even me. Only God’s intervention will rid me of the particulars. Sorry, although necessary and assistive, is never enough to make up for the absence of good, repeatable character. The sight is always the beginning for unseen these aspects of inhumanity are repetitive and self-defeating. I forgive you for not hearing me appeal to the assistance of God and so much so for your commitment to walk wherever God is leading. For these parts of self died on the cross with Jesus and the realization of Grace is the only way forward to health, freedom and consistent agreement of healing to arrive at the freedom of peace given by Jesus. I know this on my part this goes no further and will meet a certain end in God’s Plan for this man who loves Him. May His Will guide, protect and nurture our everlasting.