Within my own power, performance and potential, at no instance have I felt sufficient to the tasks before me. That all changed when I believed in Christ Jesus and walked with God’s Holy Spirit. Yet, to this day, my inadequacies represent the greatest challenges for this life. There is no enemy over top me. Rather they look upon my works and wants to find method for dragging, luring or inciting me to injustice. The seed of my own downfall always rises from the mortal heart I so desperately seek to leave behind. Being caught in the eternal web and prison of this temporary existence is the most frightening element when confronted by the Face of God.

This victory then has never been my own. Simply accepting and believing upon the gift of deliverance from my own evil is nothing to sport as self-achievement. Jesus did all of this, His Word, constant reminder and conviction to continue onward seeking His likeness. Yes, there are moments when I reflect in some small measure His character. Those pale in comparison to the grand stampede of His memorable impacts and miracles He conducts, commands and completes through my use as insufficient vessel. The ironic evidence is that through that continued use i am somehow repaired, made new, repurposed.

Therefore, it is me from which I seek freedom. I long to leave behind in the wake of this diminishing world the dark lacquer of its oily sheen. The antipathy expressed and misunderstanding of the joy of being washed clean typifies the importance of relief. They hate what they cannot have and mock the meekness of those committed to a lifelong waith upon the works of God within. Contrary to the doubt and failure associated with my constant attempts to be good enough while embroiled in self-struggle the victories mount in the life set before me. God continues to shred the concept of my failures as being a final resting place of my character and eulogy. For now I will live on to arrive in the promise of His vision of the man I was always meant to become.

There is no measure for the elation in this knowledge. No expression or description of those things beyond my current comprehension. I have a relationship with the Father. This does not mean I fully know Him for His thoughts are so far above my own that the words escape. It is reasonable to worship the Holy, Righteous and Benevolent Creator of all things. Additionally, it is sensible to commit everything I am and have to my own refinement in His Word, Council and Education. There is no argument to be had regarding the decisions of another man’s heart. For to me, my heart bleeds for those who cannot see the wickedness and absolute despotism of self-reliance. God Knows me and that is more than I will ever deserve or need. He has shown me and I trust that to win, the man I was must fade in to a past I am sorry I ever experienced. I pray that as it dissolves so does the will to see it revived, fed and supported. In Jesus’ Name.