There is no greater pain than that of realizing ones betrayal in deceit. When a righteous man follows a path having placed faith in the ordained steps and finds himself off God’s skinny path standing amidst the masses travelling the well paved boulevard, he is shocked, dismayed, embarrassed and contrite, knowing that he has trusted in his own heart and not as God directs the voice of His Sovereign. Am I such a man? Am I embarking through embraced advice the broad road leading to destruction? When I could have followed the path to the narrow gate by arduously attending to God’s Direction?

Have I convinced myself of my own self-perception in superiority, failing to consistently remember the fallen stance that brought me running to Calvary for Grace? Have I taken the swollen feed bag of leavened bread inherently to self-justification that I would consider it now within my audacious power to forgive myself of those things for which God died? Asinine is my name. Filled with pride when set free from it by Sovereign Gifting is the ultimate insult to my intelligence or apparent lack. the power of deception seeks those with the window of self-actualization left open. The pattern being self and the worship a man undertakes when God is not enough.

I am not capable of completing this road on which God has led and equipped me. I endure in Him not of self and to forget would be a total departure from both faith and reason. If I were ever capable of doing the impossible than God need not come and die for me. Perhaps that is the basis of my failure in contemplation believing that every other poor sap needs salvation and that mine is unnecessary or assured. I am not suffering from captivity of self-importance relying upon my own Goodness or deeds to find my way to heaven. If i were then heaven was never my pursuit or my destination but the separated end which comes to all men who fail to seeks God’s wisdom and hope.

Some would venture to call this man I’ve become weak by serving the God of the Universe. Accepting all the ridicule of men whom God loves so much He sent me to tell them of that Love is not the easy path. For we as men love our pride and will defend it ever before we defend the innocent. I am no slighted by those who have forgotten God waits for them. I am not insulted by those who believe that I am weak to stand my ground upon God’s Promises choosing to rely upon a greater power instead of seeking my own glory in foolish regard. I do not fault their thinking for I know that there remains time for the exigencies of this lifetime and pain of experiences to shake them to the truth. That moment and patience God expresses in waiting for them to come to reason or sufficient pain is the true strength of man reborn.