In grand effort to brandish the torch of our own greatness and wisdom, we wave a Fool’s Sparkler to dazzle and amaze observers. I have never been a man especially graced with character. Certainly disposed to a fair amount of charm I have piped the snake from the basket to challenge belief and obscure my frailties. This world was my coin and good pleasure. Seeking validation after validation in a succession of “top this” events my plan was irrevocably displayed as absolute and utter failure in the outset. This world is bound by temporality and even the attention one receives is short lived. What I wanted and what I pursued were on different roads of understanding and promise that rarely if ever intersected.

My collective achievements were sponsored by a quest for sin and self actualization, the world’s mantra for happiness and fulfillment. One may never be filled by self and even those with 90 foot statues have died miserable deaths in realization of this ridiculous pursuit. What then may fulfill this longing? What then may provide Eternal verification of righteous pursuit? In telling me I am good you have plied me with the salve of temporary relaxitive. This is the opium of man to receive repeated if not constant praise to the glory of our own achievement, brilliance or polish. In accolades born of self aspiration eternity is forsaken. The surrender to the eternal pursuits requires that in achievement of personal objectives we must relinquish to the intentions the King.

I am no master of the mystical, wizard of substantial power or villain of intoxicating fear and fury. Simply, irrevocably, though this will always be tested and challenged, a tool of something greater than my own desires, planning or aspiration fealty. My plot is no longer my own, my character no longer shabby and short lived having been replaced with the fruits of Everlasting Hope and Forgiveness. Shall I lean toward ushering in the frail image in reflection of a world set to its own passing? Your praises of my efforts, words and wisdom are rocks to challenge my defenses. If I am challenged at all it is by my own worldliness in reservation.

I will become something greater than self offered. I will achieve the impossible tasks in this world and spend eternity serving and listening to the only one who ever knew it all. These are not the sacraments and yearnings of a man born of ambition’s fodder. For all those things I sought, bought and wrought were limited and unreasonable facsimile of that which is now within my attainment. These are not the wiles and woes of man having given up or surrendered to be used as whip to whim or widget to workings. These are the surety, certain reasonably obtainable objectives of the one who has written the rules. I am sure in my outcomes which I never held for one moment in my own pursuits. For now and forever more my works no longer dictate the limits of achievement or fulfilling consequence. My Steps are guided, predetermined and made certain in the heart and Power of God.

Since Boyhood secrecy of word and deed has been the only and appropriate bastion of a young men encircled and threatened with the knowledge of a grueling contest. Innocence for men in these United States is not allowed and one becomes clique pariah possessing a God fearing gentility to mercy, love and compassion. We are banished from the cool kids clan immediately when inquiring if there aren’t better, more Godly ways to treat humanity. Most find succor or secondary solution in some strange attraction to the Opposite Sex as rescue from the incessant bullying that inevitably pursues them in this unacceptable innocence.

But for those who do not find themselves homosexual the only reliefs is camouflage/coding or capacity to surpass their prowess in pugilism. I simply love women and enjoy being a man created by God who has a heart full of Love for His Creation. Certainly I have done everything I could imagine and been pressured, beaten, subdued and harassed by the men in the Family to become some angry, contentious, bigot of a man having no sensitivity to each person’s dilemma.

At some point I sought conquest of all in my life rendering me to a war within myself in the poverty of temporary tyranny as solution to complex design. The validation of women produced that temporality extinguishing momentarily the pain of never being able to find love for being who God made me. However, this was utter foolishness and akin to insanity as my pursuits resolved the location of women who could never love me and convince them that I was sufficient, good, kind and deserving of that approval. This led me to new understanding and inevitably directly to God as I had no true concept of Love until experiencing it from Him.

I even joined the Marine Corps in desperate attempt to become that which would be acceptable to those who promised Love for transformation. I hurled myself into their world of brutality and mastered the techniques of those mirroring the requirement of acceptability. These practices were base and easy to master but impossible to digest. For I am not what man would have me become but that which God has designed. In the Corps I found many others suffering from similar banishment in social environ and also found the ability and talents of God’s intelligence gifting. Code became my solace. Complex verbiage, rhetoric and poetry the devices of my protection in secrecy. If they could not decipher my writings then they had no more leverage upon the man seeking his own preservation in silence.

At some point God stepped in and inquired of me, His Son, why I was attempting to rid myself of the Greatest Asset He had given me in the fulfillment of His Purpose for my existence. He told me clearly that because of the sensitivity my wounding was inevitable but the procurement in my endurance was the ability to enter a room of people and immediately see their wounds. He explained this allowed me to quickly become of significant use in their unfulfilled desire to find Healing in God. All men want to know Him, for there is no other path to heal the wounds of this depraved and cancerous world. His Word and His Guidance showed me clearly His Plan for this decaying world and that our trial by His Fires Must Come to force man’s propensity to procrastinate through scarcity of time and caustic impetus. If their is sufficient heat all men will seek to escape their circumstance. We are destined to face this point of time in God’s Planning, Soon.

I never imagined that my answer would be found outside my imagination. Being forced to comprehend that only through Relationship with God may I find the answer to problems of this world. I needed the impossible and only through His Holy Spirit was it available. Upon embracing His forgiveness, rebirth and transformation, I discovered the answers previously unavailable. My Life now made sense in embracing His Will for my life for in that Sovereign Will I found the Purpose beyond man’s defining comprehension. Odd that a rebirth was what I always sought in my worldly pursuits to be acceptable to mankind through my transformation. Yet, only in my heavenly remaking did I discover that I was always meant to be loved and adored, just not by men and not for the reasons that men offer approval, but for the Purposes and Worldly unacceptable remaking to resemble Christ.

So what must I say in the clarity of a man who spent nearly his entire youth and adult life hiding in my own camouflage and secrecy? That this thinking has been entirely sponsored by God’s Hand in my life, taking one of my older Brothers this passed month by heart attack and hearing that the other has suffered the same illness without mortality is something I must readily admit. For there are influences of the Powers and Principalities of this World and the Heavenly realm that seek their death. In the pain of their own trials by exactly the same wounds they found their temporary inclusion in the cliques of this world. For that I weep to see that they chose to achieve worldly success in exchange for Heavenly Purpose.

It is to God that we all owe allegiance, worship and fealty. For He alone offers something beyond the palsy of a world gone astray from His Direction, Kindness and Provision. I mourn for those who find themselves discontent, for that unhappiness indicates the Opportunity for escape. I do not envy those having found completion in the realm of men for that indicates eventual and permanent separation for the Sovereign Love of God’s Presence. I will hide no more in the elusive desire to obfuscate my True Purpose to somehow protect myself from the caustic and abrasive devices in this dimension for these are the creative tools of God’s Purpose for all men. I am no longer seeking peace and protection through complexity, pursuing safety in my own capacity of silence and cryptology. I AM what He wants me to be and that shall never be hidden again. Meek does not mean Weak, but compassion demands and understanding from the Powerful.

I walk, talk and fight in Jesus’ Name for His Kingdom Come and His Will to the extent that I may be a cup of His Impossible Power to the finding of those results He seeks through me.

She Slept and fate breathed easy, wind whistled and storms bayed Castles fell and reason failed them, as hope made ribbons under gray blue skies. Days dwindled and baron’s pilfered, a sheep to shear and barns to burn. Music murmured but held its breathing, frozen diaphragm contagion yearned. Dawn to pine owls signals slumber and freedom’s waltz from eyes above. Leaning lately and tardy’s mistress, searched forsaken to journey’s dove

Felt and velvet, clutching madly as loop and hatch had met their match. In treason’s limits betrayal fondly given couch to waiting soul’s to catch. The rolls were challenged and duchess angered as poppers few had made the grass. Sitting sadly upon plaid garment the lutes and pipe refused to signal. So dour the hour at half past seven the hearts all mended. Passions blend into the forest an itchy bear with pine cone’s friend. To chaplains hope and daylight’s reckon the bend was blurred in pilgrim’s scope.

The chalice broad but oft its empty, a hand of sod as lion’s kilt. Shorn from sadness and madness mercy, a flurry’s sake to break sword to hilt. So cold the fury of brackish mooring, the sand and salt and beckoned spray. Into the shade for clumsy helpers to dance and dream of fairy’s play But magic not a man escapes them in the dark the willing fly, no plight or fight to entertain me just so tragic in purple passion handily kept by lies he’ll buy. The purpose gone and anguish rendered to able lass and unborn clod the reason felt and word engendered infinity we thought quite odd.

Paris as an inevitable berth to find one’s self and test their worth. Four third’s Pi in length and girth at some distant point we all return to Earth. From dirt I came as God’s Lungs breathed on branch and spring for which I teethed. My rapier not so oft unsheathed the hope of grace my heart is wreathed. Sing to waken the soul to dance a Sovereign Love and great Romance. The fire is perched within my stance to make argue fate and circumstance. To close to hope we choose to fight whether morn or deep, mid-winter’s night The Love did live and bore His light to wash us clean and set all things right.

An unlikely foe, downtrodden by the effects of willing decision, having found his way from comfort to brigandry, my age old friend escaped my process filters. Imaginary efforts to establish my regime left me unprotected in the conscious realm. A placard handily positioned above my sanctuary bidding all enter especially them with ill intention. When harms way aptly ventured, the safety of delicate pursuits abandoned, neither rhyme, reason or song shall protect us from the creatures of night and shadow.

Good grammar is insufficient hammer to shield from graft and gift of poisonous posse. Unrelenting is the force and will to see you unseated at this year’s pageant. Step lightly and test each footfall for the loosened boards of the dance floor will rapidly give way to your clumsy footing. What manner of crime scene that which deprives one of common decency and protections from political unraveling? Where is the courage and whit of ages past? Why do the lawless seek masking without asking the censors for leeway? Walking as if there are no lawful parameters of justice.

Drowning by the beat of thrombosis against the polar ice cap of my frozen perspective. Ill equipped to stand erect according to my creation but disinclined by revelation to return to darkness finding fondly the light before me. Contemplating the in depth calamity of man’s born morality grasping for immoveable foci. Landing precipitously at the edge of my entrenchment the corona gives way to more thorough understanding with quotients, elements and foundation much further from previous points for viewing. Forced into transformation not mitochondrial or chromosomal but ethereal, infinite and sanguine.