I was honest with you in my humanity, kneeling before God’s Throne in humility. I had no adequate answer for you but to say that when leading men and women I must deny myself to wear God’s confidence to overcome fear in applying myself to God’s outcomes. It seemed an odd thing to you that a Man of God would put a mask on his own emotion, thought or knowledge in order to become that which God needs at a time or throughout a campaign. I ask you what relevance is my confidence or inadequacy in self when completing tasks beyond my own ability, maturity, certainty, power or provision?

Men of war deny themselves daily in order to fulfill the tasks of war, relying upon a courage to work within the fear or exhaustion and hopelessness of the moment to break through in victory prevailing simply because they must. For there is always fear, inadequacy and dread. It is not the existence of these things within a man’s heart that determines his success but what he does in spite of the existence of his own fear or the hopelessness of circumstantial evidence. In fact, without those catalysts what victory may a man count if not but overcoming the inevitable frailty of humanity to rise to impossibility’s achievement?

But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; 1st Corinthians 1:27 Reflecting upon scripture my answer is consistent with God’s Word. It is not through the established in boldness that God’s demonstrates His Glory but through the unsure, puny and foolish. For if bold men do confident things then what Glory does it bring God? When a weak man or poor woman with a lisp and human frailties does something powerful then people take notice. When ineloquent men of low stature and means move mountains then societies awaken. Every hero of the Bible took full faith and surety in God to complete their works of Power. It was in denying their own inadequacies that they reached the pinnacle of their faith, For in self reliance what miracles may a man ever work?

You look to me as bastion of confidence, wisdom and goodness from which to derive your own courage or confidence. I say to you that you are looking for the wrong aspects of a man to find that which you seek. I offer you my humility, my inadequacy and my fear and you would have me deny this absolute certainty of my own ineptitude before God. That is the mask of which I refer. You do not want the man that I am to stand before you, you want the absolute certainty in God to complete the impossible works and that requires that I may never share the humility, fear and brokenness which are the true hero before the throne of God. Is it an inadequate and partial expectation upon Truth that you seek for both are real and necessary?

To know me as a man you must see the things of a man in my acceptance of my foolishness, Weakness or ineptitude as proof of my kinship to Sovereignty. For it is the absolute realization of the inadequate mortality that you will find an evidential adherence and dependence upon God’s Holy Spirit to prevail in guidance and victory’s provision. It was not Moses that parted the Red Sea But God, not David who slew Goliath but God, not Elijah who brought Holy Fire upon the Priest’s of Ba al but God. Yes God uses me to accomplish the impossible, but to be used as Tool in His Glorious Hands demands submission not prowess. I believe myself capable of the those things achievable solely in His deliverance, timing and wonder.

So you ask if I wear a mask when I am preaching, teaching, evangelizing or doing the impossible through Christ who strengthens me. Well No and yet Yes. For I must put off the Man to see those things which may be done only through denying that man and stepping out of God’s Way. I am there, I am fearful, yet full of promise. I am inadequate yet more than capable. I am humbled and aware of my own mortality, yet eternal in the filling of God’s Holy Spirit and the power to do whatever He commands. Am I not me when rising to those heights, I will leave it to you decide for it is your perception which truly governs this interrogatory.

I ask do you want to see my true emotions of fear and doubt or do you wish to hear the powerful, confident, hopefully-fearless man fully assured and reliant upon God’s Promises and certainty in victory? You came to see Christ then you must first assume and understand that He uses the weak to do the impossible. So look upon me in that regard inexpectant of a boorish man filled with vanity and self reliance, but in the humility and understanding that I am only powerful when I have first realized that I can do nothing without Him. Yes, I must deny myself to be useful to God. I am not powerful and useful to Him because I lack fear or clarity in mortality, but because I view myself not by these things but by the Holy Spirit that wields me. My identity is in Christ Jesus not in the man susceptible to the condemnation of His enemies. I am no longer the flesh but the Spirit of Kingdom’s Coming.