The happiness of helplessness.  Couldn’t make it in sports, academics, music, engineering, computers or even gardening.  Lost my way trying to be all things to people just so I might encounter that love of which so many had spoken.  Lured by its romanticism, called longingly by its promised brotherhood, edified by its warm embrace of encouragement and blessed that some day the ship of contentment would be at the dock precisely as I prepared to board.  The dream was a dream that I chased as I thought the dream was more than a dream but the treasures of reality, a reality I sadly misunderstood, chasing after romance, friendship, folly and approval.  The joy of being empty, the joy of not experiencing love is where we are drawn to the only place from which we could ever experience it unconditionally and be finally, hopefully acquainted with the Reality of the Love of God for each of us.

I’ve got nothing in the tank, but all I have to do is wait and the Lord will provide, not only material need but also energy, thought, words, counsel and comfort.  Being poor is no longer a thing from whence I run or plead victim to be removed from its anguish, it is a thankful, humble, faithful spot upon which to reside in the trust of God’s Promise.  If I am meant to be empty, unloved, hungry, cold, tired, naked and alone for a while, then good, for this is the purpose to the Good Glory of God.  Having walked this valley I will be able to truly appreciate my perch when once again sitting at pinnacle’s peak gazing on the victory of the mire I traveled below.

Please don’t misunderstand this is not a thing where I seek self denial or masochistic indulgence for the sake of spiritual perfection through longing and trial.  It is a thing of faith and trust knowing that God sent me to this planet for His purposes, one of them being my preparation by trial and crucible of sorts.  I welcome it for at the end lay true happiness and resounding joy in the victory of endurance and overcoming.  The trials are God’s message of faith in my capacity to reach out to him and be propelled beyond each obstacle to the finish line of realized faith.  I am not saying that I want to be cold, naked, tired, hungry, poor and alone.  Rather I am saying that I see the personal faith opportunity in each of these circumstances, knowing that the God who loves me dearly will deliver me, provide for me and call me once again to the mountain for prayer after I have walked through that horrid valley absent fear, longing and disappointment.  This life is not tragedy but only opportunity to learn and express the faith I’ve found in process.  Life is its own meaning, found in the living of each day to its fullest.  In Jesus Name.