That familiar weight, bulky mass of responsibility and the scramble for the assets to deal with the crushing weight of reality pressing down upon our shoulders.  The name calling, the wave cresting, the seams burning and the heart frozen solid.  Crying about everything, learning nothing and forgetting completely the discipline of effective listening.  Screaming out in garbled language about misunderstood or loosely comprehended sciences.  Practicing that persona that fools the crowd into believing the ridiculous lie of peace within a raging heart.  Standing still while life races bye or running alongside the train you’ve just missed hoping to catch up.

Do you think that assaults just come as organized attacks during the day, with appointed regiments and marquis of queens-bury rules?  No they sneak in disguised as saints with handfuls of candy, attention and comedic drama, camouflaging the blade beneath the well suited blazer.  Or whilst we dream assaulting our nights, confusing and lengthening our days by constricting our sleep, diet and dashing those moments of well anticipated peace with injections of turmoil and chaos.  Whispering day and night of your shambles of a ministry.  Beckoning this way and that, threatening loss of everything but the air you breathe, but even that is so heavy you cannot seem to get enough into each of your lungs.

This is not a game.  This fight is to the death because it last your life long.  There is no rest but in him and no let up until you find the safety and security in the shadow of Almighty God.  Unless of course you take the field willingly, armored for battle, your mind, heart, feet and arm prepared for ensuing foray.  Going forward is the only way through the maze, through the enemy’s illusory misgivings, past the monsters, and dragons and fiery voids.  Standing still is misery, relentlessly bombarded by darts, arrows, innuendo and demagoguery, ducking, no hiding behind the width and breadth of shield protecting your flank.  When shall we draw the sword of our Father and stride forward screaming, There’s Victory in Jesus, My Saviour.

I wish there were sufficient distractions to obscure the clarity, but clarity is that way it cuts through the dim, fog or unready heart.  Be steady and keep my footing remembering the fixed stone beneath them.  Yes, it appears that we are called to the impossible, that impossible task of forgetting or losing ourselves as the Bible states it so that I may find the joy of Christ’s intention for my life.  This is not a collective discipline and when I use the pronoun we, I simply mean “me”, but I am deferring the reality to distract myself from the decisions that must be made.  Lord, you know I don’t want the disinformation, the shiny object, squirrel or misdirection, but I often employ it as delay tactic to avoid the inevitable actions I must take for You.

It is foolhardy to ask for illumination, clarity, discernment or wisdom if in the quest we have not already determined to listen and obey that clarity.  Stop saying it if the willingness does not exist at the time of prayer to accept and respond to the requested answer or movement in reality.  I am so sorry Lord for having consistently wasted your time when my heart really wasn’t in it from the outset.  I was just looking for the appearance of faith, not the reality, the stone’s footing reality of being prepared to stand against the tsunami’s of life, fully dependent on Your Will to deliver me.  For I never could save myself and if I enter the impossible situation I need to understand that my efforts were insufficient from the beginning.  Otherwise I will always be “doing” instead of “waiting”.

Thank you for the clarity Lord, now is the time of action.  I pray that I step wisely upon the path you’ve lighted, giving full regard to the importance of each foot step.  I know that I am afraid Father but that is a nervous fear, because these tasks do not depend on my capacity to deliver the expected results.  My fear again is irrelevant unless I were fooled into believing it is my strength, my talent, my strong sword arm upon which my safety depended.  It is irrelevant when looking at the victory that shall be provided.  I must look at it logically, for example, do you believe the Christian Brothers and Sisters killed by animals in the Coliseum of Rome for God’s good glory, believed that they would be able to personally best the Lion, Tigers or Bears?  They gave their lives willingly for the sake of Christ.  Do you think they believed the false prosperity doctrine being preached in wickedness that they paid their tithe and that they therefore would never have to potentially give life or limb for the Kingdom.  We were never made that promise, in fact the Bible offers the opposite, a word of readiness, maturity and preparation for whatever may be asked of us by God.  It is only in this mindset that we may enter the field of performance for the Lord because whether deliverance or death it is His Hand that provides either.

Lord thank you for opening my eyes to my own consistent lack of demonstrative faith in my thoughts, beliefs and actions.  It is through faith that I may please you.  Lord, I ask for that faith and continue to seek, listen and respond to the Word that will increase it.  In Jesus’ Name I offer my prayers for you today.  Prayers for courage, protection and abundance all from the hand of God through Christ.  In Jesus’ Mighty Name may you stand your ground in knowledge of His Promises.

When and how do I determine a risk is worth the backlash without falling under the influences of personal distaste for investment in the Kingdom?  My willingness to undergo, whatever, I repeat whatever the repercussions as equal or opposite reaction for my defense of our faith has to be determined and discussed or naked I go onto the battlefield for Christ.  We are no longer babes, but men.  Therefore we must prepare for these instances and divine opportunities, determining before hand how we will react in theory and then making it real by taking that to the Lord through prayer.  It is inconsistent with reality to imagine that we will perform differently in a tense situation if in peace we are incapable or unprepared to suffer the fiery darts of the enemy for the sake of Christ.  We will always perform what we practice and it is naive at best to imagine that we will react in any other manner than fight or flight if we have done no preparation and meditation on that moment when will be called upon the act in a manner consistent with our FAITH.

What then is worthwhile?  What then is my risk aversion?  What then is worth losing for the sake of the Kingdom and what will keep me on the sidelines because it is too much to give for God?  You don’t want to have this conversation.  I get it, nor do I.  However, it is a discussion that must be entered, followed and resolved before I will go onto to the battle field with you.  We must know what each other plans to do before going out there and finding our what we will actually do.  If you are not willing and ready to lose it all then how can I expect that you would have my back or I yours? Are we in this for victory, willing to withstand whatever comes our way in our faith in God’s capacity to overcome and our own willingness to remain courageous or are we just a bunch of talk and little action?  Because this is not a game, it is the reason for our placement in this thing called life and it is not going to go away just because we find the discussion unworthy or too difficult to pursue.

They are not going to like what you say.  They are not going to like the Holy Spirit convicting them through us.  It is unlikely that they are going to give us love and cookies for telling the truth of the Gospel.  If that is the mindset from which we enter the fray then we are foolhardy at best.  Let us be real, let us determine before hand that which we are willing to sacrifice and in truthful acknowledgement of our fears and reserve we must then go before God asking for the courage and willingness to give it all when asked.  To go on to the field of battle not having had this discussion prior to is absolute foolishness and I simply will not move until you know my heart on this matter.  For the reward is worth the risk of everything I’ve been given.  Do you feel the same?

I pray for us in Jesus’ Name

I get it the world is too much for you to handle.  It comes at you and at you, again and again until it either crests over top or crashes against your defense mechanisms.  You don’t need me pushing you into the oncoming waves, but you’re mistaken I am bracing my footing behind you to assist you in keeping your stance.  You are not in this alone, that has been your biggest mis-estimation of the Lord.  Begin to look for the impossible thing and then you will begin to differentiate between His and other voices.  It is after all the Shepherd to whom you wish to respond, isn’t it?

Those of you, especially you, who are so self capable that nothing typically daunts, upsets, upends or stalls you in your quest to conquer the world, please stop.  Not because I want your plates to crash to the ground, but remember if you need God to do the impossible, is he going to ask you to do the possible, instead?  Is He going to feed you on a diet of all those things of which you are entirely capable, well suited and provisioned in talent, time and treasure?  Or do you think it more likely that He is going to give you those curve balls you can’t hit, those questions that you cannot answer and those tears that you cannot stop or dry up?

This is the testing ground.  Since it is the testing ground then you will be given tests, not farcical verses that purportedly came from the Bible but didn’t, such as, “God never gives you more than you can handle”.  Wait a second while I call you out.  Where is that in the Bible.  I’ll give you an hour then you can come back and continue on with my diatribe, cause it ain’t in there Samson.  He always gives me more than I can handle so that my faith may be increased when I go to Him in prayer for help and HE delivers, every time.  I am continually dwelling in the undeliverables of my insufficiency.  Praise be to God that I have begun to believe in Him so fervently, resiliently and constantly that I have begun to look for the impossible and expect the miracle that will resolve it.  Isn’t that faith, belief in things not yet seen, delivered by God’s Hand, especially when I knew from the outset I couldn’t do it and didn’t waste time frolicking in my own ego filled attempts and failing.  Give it to God now so that you don’t have to beg Him to take it later.

Father, I get it this is a hard place.  I understand, headtastically ( I just made it up ) that they need me to be gentle and not say things like suck it up or get over it.  Lord can you please use me to express my love for them and still remind them that it is time to surrender, like they said they wanted to, so that you can get about the business of resolving those things they’ve prayed about.  And Lord, since this world is difficult can you please give them desire to be courageous and stand, even when extremely frightened out of their gourds, having faith in Your Promises and capacity to deliver them.  Isn’t it about time they began to know You, I mean it is a Father/Son or Father/Daughter relationship correct?  Lord please let me be gentle but never let me use that as an excuse to refuse to tell them the truth You Have commanded of me.  For I love you Most.  In Jesus’ Name.

They know that I do not belong to them yet they toss it about in speech as if something else were true.  They know that their time is short yet they frolic with the truth, wasting their time attempting to steal other’s joy.  Why then were they allowed among us unless it were for a time the good purpose of God to challenge faith and reason?  No one likes trials and tribulation, but they too have their edifying components.  We all know it yet it took unbelievers, skeptics, relativists and worse to remind us that this life makes us stronger.  Oh and by the way they were wrong, life kills everyone so whatever makes you stronger just makes you stronger.

This a narrow road when viewed through the lens of fulfilling God’s ministry for man.  This is a skinny path when traversed with careful intention of obeying God’s Commands for our lives.  This is a focused discipline when being challenged by the peer influences of a world that wishes you share in its misery rather than show them the skinny trail to eternity with God.  This is an idea broadly delivered, as broadly as to every man and woman, yet the acceptance group is relatively minute.  What then may be said of man or woman with general similarities who all choose the difficult road with higher requirements versus the broadly traversed, easily navigated avenue to destruction?

It is the ease, for in the ease their follow lay.  Comfort, simplicity and sensory fulfillment are perceived and sold as the greater achievements yet they lack the longevity of true treasures.  They are fickle and fleeting, just as are the appetite of those who follow trending concepts.  Just because a faster way to cross the icy river or the lava pools presents itself, the comparative risk and long term reward must always be considered prior to embarkation. Yes, I may choose the boulevard providing for my best window shopping delights, but if the house of lady wisdom is not accessible by the path can its worth be of equivalent value?

Please don’t read me wrong.  You would think I am telling to take the difficult road.  I am not, for the Lord says and has proven to each of us that His yoke, his burden upon us is light.  It is a myth that you will have none of your wishes met.  Yes you will have to leave your sin behind, but in review you will find that your sin was short lived, fleeting and fickle as are most of the acquaintances on the broad road.  Where the fellowship on the skinny path is lasting, rewarding and actually makes you feel loved.  Isn’t that truly more consistent with our design.  We were made for better things, we were made for friends that don’t leave, don’t demand and don’t seek to undermine.  We were meant for the Love of God and that is only found through relationship accessed along the narrow path to life.

Find God, take the road that leads to a better life in this one and the next. Find the path to Life.  In Jesus’ Name

Father, I can’t but you can.  I won’t but you will.  I must not but you bid me forward. I am struggling with my simplicity, my position as a man, a handful of dirt within the hand of God.  But you breathed Your Breath of Life into that dirt so I am something misunderstood by most, feared by the supernatural and disregarded by the proud. It is not my place to inquire of God, Why?  My humble request is that you help me get over my basic instinctual desire for failure when confronted with those tasks beyond self.  These objectives must be seen as not of my own forming and that realization they have never been limited by association with my mortal context.

Lord, bring the workers, please. The harvest is ripe and the fields stand ready for picking.  The vines is full and bending toward the ground weighted down by the bounty of your provision.  What then of me as man, am I to call the workers or to simply begin working, picking, reaping, gathering the crop for transport?  I know that I am not alone in the fields Lord, give me sight granted Elisha that I might never fall pray to similar thinking.  Let me never make those errors associated with my simplicity, let me think beyond my own reason and see the complex realities of Your understanding.  I very much just want folks to understand the gravity of this time.  I know that You have a plan to awaken them upon that I must rely.

We seem so lost, destitute and focused on the occurrences of this world.  Am I mistaken in that review?  Do they see eternity or has the siren of man’s calling darkened their agenda to what may be dimly seen here?  What then of our treasures laid up for us in heaven that may never rust, be stolen or decay?  Shouldn’t our focus be consistent with that message of planting, harvesting and storing up those permanent things instead of all that is frail and measured by mortality?  Father, let me stop being a poor representative of Your Grand Intent.  Give me the Words, the Wisdom, the Love and Power sufficient to this tasking for without it I am foiled.

Do through me what I cannot do in self.  I stand here willing and ready to do the work.  I know, I know, all in due time Son.  Sorry for pestering Lord, Forgive me.  In Jesus’ Name.

I have been trying to be cute, smart, adept, convincing and often overwhelming in my suggestive fortitude to get people to answer God’s Call for their lives.  The Lord has admonished me for maybe being a bit more like John the Baptist than the gentle pastor down the street, but I have been struggling with His direction to keep going.  You see when you are at the end of a mission, a business endeavor or project there comes a time when the commitment, the point or objective must either be met or forfeit.  Everyone I speak with sees the signs of the times in which we find ourselves and agree that this is that denouement after the climax of man kind that we are counting down to Christ’s return for the Church.  That means this is the time of the ripe fields that were planted by those who came before us.  It is now time for the workers of the harvest (US) to take to the fields and bring the crops into the storehouse.  Is it any coincidence that the United States is abbreviated US?

I don’t wish to offend, but I will if your upset at me will get you to respond to the Holy Spirit.  I want to be a kind, gentle, long suffering man to represent those characteristics within me that are Spirit fruitful.  However,  I am also supposed to be filled with the Spirit of Power.  When people went to see John the Baptist you think they told him to slow his roll, customize the message for their sensibilities or to perhaps “be gentle and pipe down a bit”.  Make straight your path for the Kingdom of God is at hand!  That ends with exclamation because we can imagine him saying that in his most forceful persona.  Why then if he was heralding the coming Lamb of God should I be any less forceful in pronouncing the return of the Lion.

I can’t be what people would have me be and fulfill God’s Plan for my life, because he is asking me for an entire new level of commitment then we have been disinclined to accept.  I truly love you and wish to make you happy but if so doing requires that I quench the Holy Spirit and displease God who do you think should lose out in that comparison?  I will heed God’s direction and share His message of Love, Kindness, Goodness and the Gospel of Peace.  That is always and has always been my guiding principle, but when the room is on fire or perhaps many souls will spend eternity in a lake of fire if I don’t shout, “Get Back”, then don’t you think it is time to stand up and shout with all my strength.

Don’t be sold out to the world because it will incessantly call you, be souled out to God for those yet to be saved.  In Jesus’ Name.

I followed with all my heart hoping that I pleased you and that others followed my lead.  I answered a call and found my way to the skinny path, hoping that my Family, Friends, Colleagues or questioners would find the journey rewarding.  I gave away my stuff and served your children because it was a pleasure to let them know how much You love them and how much I felt honored to be their Brother.  I followed You and truly thought that they would do the same, especially when I told them how much joy you’ve brought to my previously meager history.  I thought that it was my job to be a shining example of hope to all and help them get over their pains with love and caution, kindness and encouragement, but all these things that I have done were those things of my work in progress.

It is You who saves, not me.  It is You who leads not me.  It is You who sites examples, set up models or indicates direction, again not something within my purview.  My Words were poor example, my actions paltry reminder and my thoughts immediately and easily dismissed. It is not me to whom they look for example, understanding or direction, it is to you.  It is not to my words that they respond or meditate for wisdom and hope, but to every Word that proceeds from Your Mouth.  When did I lose track and begin to believe that somehow I was making any difference.  It is only through me as vehicle through which any of Your requirements are met or delivered.  I have always been happy being a pair of needle nosed pliers, how come I somehow ended up trying to be wrench?

Father, take from this burden of being sufficient through my own understanding, works or willingness.  I am here as conduit, that’s it, that’s all of it and frankly that is more than enough for me.  Lord don’t ever let me get ahead of you again.  I know that I typically have a tendency to lag behind that is why I have done so poorly in this new self appointed position of leader.  Don’t let me be me when I need to do nothing other than simply and steadily exalt You.

You know me and that is probably my only hopeful excuse.  But being oneself is not acceptable reason for taking on tasks intended for the King alone.  Forgive me.  In Jesus’ Name

Lord, the ends rarely justify the means.  My objectives do not allow me to hurt, malign, disapprove, castigate or treat someone discourteously for the sake of getting my point across.  Yet, I still do it and some times it provides positive effect, because you turn to good what I did poorly because I love you and walk according to your purpose.  I understand that and I am humbled by its meaning.  I just humbly request that you teach me a better way than the frail method of delivery upon which I so frequently rely.  The people are priceless and I am juggling the rare importance of the moment with the battle axe method that I presently demonstrate my love.

Must I require that the swallow the entire pizza at once each time that they ask me for assistance.  No, but yet that is what I most often see in my behavioral or active reflection.  Lord, I am not going to ask you to remove me from my assigned duties because I am pleased to be used and additionally know that you knew beforehand exactly how bad I would be at this direction.  I will continue to apologize and consider myself a poor student, listener or vessel until someday I fully comprehend and follow the guidance you consistently provide.  How did I manage to get through so many years of life being such a clumsy example of slow comprehension and limited bandwidth?

Father going forward, I hope that I begin to develop some delivery skills that are more closely aligned with you kindness, love and gentility, because I fear I am about as gentle as a grisly bear at a salmon eating contest.  Shall I remain silent and find my place in the crowd?  I never had that much wisdom, besides I know that I am on the road you’ve directed, however poorly I navigate its borders.  I am just amazed that You tolerate me and allow me to continue.  I have to assume that you see some eventual progress coming my way that is not currently visible.  I am so glad you love me, because if you didn’t I would really have a hard time finding it elsewhere especially my own critical heart.  Forgive me.  In Jesus’ Name.

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.  Matthew 10:37-39

Almost there, but remember it is not a destination, nor a prize but a launch pad to the everlasting.  I frequently recall your dreams, even those of your childhood and want you to remember how positive you were that you would go to the moon, be a movie star or build giant roller coasters that went very fast.  You were filled with love my son, my daughter and I had placed within your heart the desire for the impossible.  Time to believe once again, because you are going to need to have faith in order to achieve that which lays before you.

Are we fulfilled by a simple life?  Perhaps, but we all know that there is something missing even in the simplest contented life.  We were designed for this time in history with the foundation, Spirit and talents to herald God’s return.  Yes, I miss the idea of comfort, simplicity, orderly struggle to complete the tasks of life.  That opportunity was meant for some but not for us.

I am sorry that the requirements of life are making a standard American dream unrealistic.  However, I have heard each of us singing to God about His Will for our lives and proclaiming, “I surrender all”.  Was that mere conversation, theatrics or half-hearted commitment? What now that the day approaches that will reveal the purpose of your creation?  We are free to turn away and sit this one out, but can we?  Isn’t this the moment we were made for, hoped for and prayed about all those yearning evenings spent alone with God?

Where will you be when your Brothers and Sisters do the impossible through Christ?  Will you be standing next to them arm in arm, shield to shield in prayerful determination?  Or will you be sitting this last quarter out, having decided to make your last best efforts about perfecting your life here?  I cannot.  I was never made for the sideline but to take the field heralding the coming King, in victory.  Yes, it may cost me all, most likely so, but in losing all I will have gained much more than I’ve lost.

Think of Paul friends, lived his saved life in service of the Kingdom and then lost his head for bringing the Gospel to the World.  Could you do it to achieve what he did for Christ?  What about John the Baptist who proclaimed and baptized Jesus, then lost his head after giving all in power and persistence.  What if in order to achieve that impossible thing it costs you not only your happy life but perhaps a greater price?

That is what we fear isn’t it?  Giving it all for Christ.  Or are we holding on to our worldly achievements?  Isn’t that surrender?  And we are unwilling to surrender our contentment how then will we ever be able to give it all for him?  Look I want what God wants for each of us.

I want to feel that moment of purposeful fulfillment when I know that I know my raison d’etre, my meaning for life, but I will never find it serving my worldly existence.  Yes, I may fool myself and believe that God just designed me for great things, set me up in the most important time in history and filled me with the Power of His Holy Spirit just so I could be a good Dad, Husband, Plant Worker and animal lover.  It just doesn’t make sense.  Certainly it has allure and pleases my desire to live a good life, but that has nothing to do with his will but instead my own.  I wish it were an easy word that I have to share with you, but it is an honest, true and fulfilling Word.  And for that it is Time.

I do not know what He is going to ask of each of us, but shouldn’t we be ready to give it all when asked?  What if?  I pray for good courage for all of you, in Jesus’ Name.