What do you know in that pregnant moment of silence?  That glorious or fearful moment sitting alone in the cold, dark night?  Is there a presence of peace or anxiety at the bumps in the night, the noises in the waiting forest?  Do you await the song and message of angels as the herald the coming King, gazing at the stars in awe of God’s plan?  Or do you fear the coming judgment having failed to choose correctly?

Breathe in what is the sense, the spirit the emotion riding that air within your lungs?  Is there grave concern, worry, question, tension and pause?  Or have you breathed in the peace of His Promised redemption?  Do you know rest, have you known rest or are you chasing the thought of it?  Where do you sit, can you remain there, patiently waiting for the voice of God?  Does the driven restlessness wake you, forcing you from silent contemplation back to the world of feelings and things?  Are you okay with God wanting you to relax?

Father am I following you or some broad road, believing it to be the best possible course for a determined future.  What is the course I’ve charted?  What you wanted me to stand still and I have embarked on the journey of a lifetime?  How could this path not be the one intended?  It seems so right, it answers my quest, fulfills my needful heart and gives me safety through control.  How could that be wrong?  I cannot imagine a God that would not want the best things that I want for myself?  Oh, your Word says I was supposed to die to self daily, that causes a problem with my thinking.  Oh Your Word says he who loses his life for my sake shall gain it.  That really causes conflict for me Father.  Now I am agitated, why did you have stir me up so?  Can’t you see that I have what I wanted?

Father, I used to fight you, this, of course you know.  There are no lies between us.  I want a prosperous, wealthy, healthy, simple life with a good woman, growing old over time, observing my faith and living in humble respectful environment with order, comfort and peace.  The rub is that is not what you have chosen for me in your plan.  So, that dream rests, has been put away, given freely as I know my highest calling is to lose my life for your sake.  Forgive me for grieving these many years as I attempted to get what I wanted over your desire for my life.  Thank you for letting me learn these lessons of my own regard.  The greatest of which was I could never truly know Peace and Rest without living this life for You.

There is no comfort in my quenching the Holy Spirit.  There is no life for me but in service of the King.  My life is yours, my quest yours, my result yours to create, control or deny.  I am filled with a joy that I never understood until now.  The joy of being perfectly within your will.  Let me not waver.  Let me stand upon this rock of ages and even if I fly to land upon it each time I return to Earth.  There is no other life for me but in Christ.  I am fulfilled and thank You for it all.

In Jesus’ Name.