Repent and wash, repent and wash, cleanse be holy for a bit and repeat.  Man I am tired of my trappings of my worldly life.  The whining, the quarrels, the nattering about trivial things, has become so cumbersome that it weighs me down and inhibits my relationship with God.  What would this life be like if I stopped feeling sorry for myself or being concerned about the fulfillment of my will and just did what the Lord requires?  Being obedient, what a novel idea, how come I cannot seem to get it right even though it is so straight forward in context?

When I think I have arrived, I will always be last to the party.  When I think that I know it all, I instantly demonstrate that I never met Lady Wisdom.  In one fell swoop I identify, advertise and recognize all this garbage that remains within my soul.  I thought that once I said that sinner’s prayer that all this went away and I was supposed to be whisked to heaven in a fiery chariot to be in line to pick up my glorified body.  Unfortunately, I overlooked one HUGELY important step, sanctification.  I am never going to be ready to spend eternity with a Holy God unless I stand firmly and voluntarily in this fire and have the junk burned out of me or the Lord forces the infectious material to the surface.  I choose the former, but as any humans I would like the process finished by last Thursday.  Then reason steps in and reminds me how messed up I had become before God plucked me from the brink of disaster.

What then is left for me now that I stand here so imperfect, that at times I can barely stand the sight of me?  Of course, that is a wonderful state for the purposes of God.  I was made to be disgusted with my sin and crave the restoration to the cleanliness of Almighty God.  Praise him that at that very moment when I feel as if it cannot get any worse, I am forgiven of all my trespasses and renewed for another day in the crucible.  It is not that I will admit to loving it, I rather look forward to being removed and relocated to my real home, but there is a certain respect I have for this training place.  I mean I grew up here, I was born here twice and I will eventually die to pay that debt which all men pay.  However, instead of the loneliness and the destitution experienced in a life without hope, even my worst moment indicates that I have nothing but that eternal hope.  For it is not upon my own determination or gifts that I depend, but upon the righteous works and power of God.

I have never been alone.  Since I met God, I have not experienced a moment without hope as a beacon shining in the distance.  Must I face the same trials in the same manner with indignation, complaint and drudgery?  Or may I become equipped with a measure of  dignity as I accept the reproaches, corrections and reformations of character God so wishes for me to attain?  What a man would I be if I could accept it in style, acceptance, thankfulness and grace.  Lord give me that character beyond my own understanding so that not only to accept your will for my life but I cherish and proclaim its graces throughout the coming trials.  I desperately wish to bring glory to your name and know that each time of grumble is exactly the opposite of that intention.  Make me true to heart.  I believe in You.  Praise you Lord God in the Mighty Name of Jesus My King.