As far as you have brought me Lord, these feet are still prone to slip.  Not wishing to wander, I keep my eyes on your lead, but somehow I always manage to lose focus in that fateful second and end up humiliating myself and bringing dishonor to you.  Further convinced that this sanctification upon which you’ve embarked is impossible through my own means.  For given leave I would befuddle all of  your Good Works for nothing but pride, objects and misunderstanding.  How do you ever forgive me Lord, as I have made the same mark with my head against the same wall ad infinitum.  Again I find myself bleeding from my bulging brow, wondering at your willingness to take on this obviously impossible task of preparing me for eternity.

I don’t wish to hurt, but still show the wounds of younger years, invoked by the same bullies, the same slander the same attacks upon my person.  When will I grow past this uncontrollable urge to take the bait of lesser men?  I should love them and understand their plight, forgiving, patiently retreating in wisdom.  Why does a tyrant so effect my reaction?  Shouldn’t I be able to control myself through the Spirit and quickly lead to peaceful resolution rather than retort, reaction or biting admonishment?  And when will I demonstrate that capacity of turning the cheek you’ve bid us represent?  I am sorry to have sinned against you Lord, by wishing or devising harm against another human.  Judgment is yours alone, my job is to love.  How could I so easily forget that fact in my self-righteous behavior?  Please forgive me and take this from me.  I obviously still suffer from those wounds of childhood that cause me to react from fear and desire to exhibit manly control that I lacked in youth.  Please heal me Lord so that my wounds do not effect others.  Let their own issues draw them into a relationship with you.

I am sickened to my stomach at what I am capable of doing to save a sliver of my pride.  Who cares what they think of me.  I have been impoverished and never cared.  I have been betrayed and recovered to reside in your counsel.  I have been struck wounds by loved ones and foreigners alike and still woke the next morn anew.  What is different this time that I would think I have to take control in order to make something turn out for the best, all the time knowing, that your will is always the perfect path to the greatest outcome?  What causes me to forget, what causes me into worldly response, what brings me back to those moments of fear and anger that may only be expressed in fleshly response?  Let me never venture there again Father.  Thank you for showing me the error of my thinking, believing myself further down the path of holiness and preparation.  Clearly, I am not ready.  It would amaze to realize that you considered me so.  I am sorry.  This much I know.  King Jesus I need you so desperately, my soul cries out for relief.

Don’t let me away from your loving grasp and your masterful working hands.  I cannot go one step of my own regard without terrible upset, failure and discouraging works, perpetrated on my own lust for power and judgment.  You alone are worthy of praise and you alone hold the rod of judgment and justice.  Forgive for standing in your presence Lord, if only to see your eyes and know that you still smile upon me, even in my pitiful state.  What a wretched man I am, without your Spirit of faithful righteousness to cover up my shame.  Take me away so that there is only your filling in reserve.  I can no longer stand the man I have tried to be and can never achieve.  I want to be God’s Man, your Son and demonstrate my love for you by reflecting your glory to this world.  Instead I bring nothing but grief to my Father’s eyes and ears.  It is beyond my capability.  If you don’t do it, it shall never be accomplished.  Upon your grace I attend.  I love you Lord, thank you for loving me, even now.  Amen