Sitting here thinking about me, praying for me, wanting a little more time to get you to understand the pains inside of me, while I follow a steady dictate of worrying about what I need, don’t need, don’t have, won’t have and probably shouldn’t even consider having.  My expectations built upon what I have previously determined that God has promised me in my idea of a name it to claim it religion.  I know that my dreams have nothing to do with God’s will but isn’t this about the desires of my heart.  The God of my imagination keeps me from all pain, redirects all the rain that would fall on my parade and spends his time marshaling angels to watch over my every movement so that the entire pink party can be played over and over again in our minds.  This is supposed to be the Kingdom of God where my troubles are all gone, my tears are washed my unhappiness forgotten.  How dare he determine that I should be one of those that must sacrifice for his purposes.  Leave that pain stuff for martyrs, me I’m just here to love.

Oh, there are going to be some pastors paying a heavy price for leading so many astray.  Unfortunately, at the same time weeping and gnashing of teeth will be heard as the Master closes the door and many are left behind, wondering where they went wrong.

I died roughly two-thousand years ago on that cross with Christ.  Sharing in his suffering from that glorious day is what has set me free for eternity.  This is His life to live as He wishes, but I have the pleasure of surrendering to that idea and hopefully getting out of the way so that He may increase in my diminution.  What if he hasn’t scheduled me for one of those uplifting tales of victory that play well at family time on Sunday’s.  What if He has me intended for martyrdom or persecution so that in my resistance I demonstrate His Will to overcome for those who have not yet found their faith?  Am I then a loser?

It’s all about you and what I am going to do to get your attention when I mention how much I love my Saviour and my God.  And if I perchance begin to feel pity for myself or sorrow for the inclined or obstacle ridden road I must traverse, then remind me of the orphans who will go to be alone tonight with out my appropriately timed visit.  Remind me of the widows who struggle to just get around town while I rest comfortably in Christ.  Yes, lest I forget them who suffer from disease, sickness, poverty, hunger and death considering my own wants while them that truly need pray in silence to the God of Peace.