Face this day with the knowledge that God fights for you and it will lose its sting.  This is not our home, hard word to comprehend.  How then may I become embroiled in circumstance, being pulled into the details of episodes that are meant for my training and His Glory?  I do not like the way this loss, this hate, this missing love feels, but I know what it breeds within my spirit, a craving.  That craving for home, the garden, walking with God in the cool of the day.  There is no other purpose here but to practice for eternity and play some part, even a small one in pulling others from the unconscious and desperate fray.  This is the day, and like it or not I will rejoice in it as the only one I have been given that leads to the next and the next eventually to Him.

Father I am sorry for refusing to let go of scenarios plaid out from my childhood, trying foolishly to work out the scenes that did not end in my favor or find the love that I was not given.  Surrounding myself with the exact same characters and scenery, again and again is insanity, hoping to somehow arrive at different, more favorable outcome.  That is never how this works.  Thank you that you will use these things for the good of your purpose, because I certainly am either incapable of letting go or this play is the one that will teach me what I must invariably learn.  Forgive me for not loving them to the fullest, for begrudging them gain upon which my own envy was set.  This is so distasteful, especially the rolls that have been repeated innumerably.  I pray that you finally set me free of these vestiges of a life gone bye, take them from me so that I may truly become that new creature You’ve intended.

Waiting has always been my greatest weakness for in waiting I find my greatest enemy, my impatience and desire to have things work out the way I have prescribed.  That is not what my heart truly wishes, yet I continue to play the role.  May I bow and leave the stage now Lord, please.  For I tire of myself, not in a hateful, loathing manner but rather in boredom of my incapacity to rise above this same mundane performance.  The secret is in the desire for accolade, notoriety, glory.  Set me free from these pursuits, let me simply serve and delight in the successes of those you love as they see Your Glory fulfilled.  Give me peace Father.  Lord Jesus, I do not doubt that I would make the same mistakes Your Apostles made, but that does not matter for I believe that it is in the living that our reward is fulfilled.  I love You and though I repeatedly fail, I know that You know my heart and love me dearly, so continue on I shall.  For my prizes are the people and the path that leads to the only destination I truly desire a day spent sitting in quiet with You.  Bless Your Name Lord God through Jesus Christ my King.