Many times the Lord best disciplines me by allowing me to pursue that faulty agenda known as “my will”.  He is not a disinterested sovereign who stands outside of man’s existence, as the deists portray, but rather a loving Father, who knows fully that. the only way I will learn is to “touch the burner on the stove”, until I personally comprehend the danger involved.  The problem with this is that if “my will” is effective in achieving those goals to which I aspire, then I will continue to “worship” my own bucket list instead of receiving God’s superior blessings for my life.  This is the danger of my own misunderstanding and reluctance to surrender to God’s Will as it is in Heaven and on Earth.  I cannot serve two masters, especially when one is God and the other my self.

My will must be either forcibly broken or voluntarily surrendered, there is no other option.  I cannot pursue two roads at once.  I either pursue the skinny path of God’s understanding or I follow a path, “I” have determined is the one I feel is best.  The challenge becomes the reluctance in our own flesh to surrender or be broken.  I must be honest although my words have always reflected those of a man set upon surrender my actions have been those of a man determined to remain “wild” and free, forcing God to break me in as an unbridled colt.  I would like to say that I don’t know why I continue to follow this reluctantly disobedient path, but unfortunately I am fully aware of the reason, I worship “self” over God.  That realization crushes me and brings a river of tears for which my only respite is God, for I am ill equipped, incapable and unwilling to do the work of healing this spiritual wound.

Praise be to God in all His Glory that He has provided escape through the Holy Spirit’s work of sanctification, cleansed by the Blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ.  My unworthiness is no match for the cleansing power of Hope and Righteousness found through Christ Jesus.  I rejoice that I do not have to remain the reluctant servant dedicated to serving self throughout this life, but I have a savior who can free me from this slavery to my sin and self worship to serve a Righteous King in Glory.  My will shall be broken because God loves me enough to complete the work that he first started within this sinful man.  I would love to say that I have fully volunteered to this transformation, but even if I don’t, I am so grateful that he will provide the discipline where surrender is absent.  Make of me what “You Will” Father, that is my greatest hope, something I cannot accomplish by self alone.