The burdens mount if you let them.  Why do I generally choose to carry stones, bricks and driftwood around in my pack for awhile before I wise up and lay that trusty bag at the foot of the Cross?  Is it that I miss the weight, look good with a hunchback, that I feel I somehow deserve it or perhaps I keep on trying to do this on on my own authority and strength?  I don’t know because the whole things seems nonsensical to me.  My burdens are not my own, He has asked them of me.  Why then do I seek to deprive God the opportunity to care for me as the Loving Father He has proven Himself to be?

Maybe I don’t know love, or how to love to be exact?  Maybe I have held tight to my blinders and ear plugs as the Lord taught me of love.  Would a person that does not know love misunderstand so thoroughly that he would have no concept of its importance.  I feel this is right, this is sound thinking, that you miss the opportunity because you are so jaded or misinformed that you don’t even know that you are missing anything.  But how can we explain the man who knows the value of Love and still turns away from the opportunities to feel its majestic touch through forgiveness, fellowship or care?  There are only several possibilities as the ignorance can be removed as a potential cause.  One either a person out of a masochistic guilt or self loathing does not feel that they are deserving of God’s Love or they are just plain rebellious and don’t want to know the Love that is being offered in Grace.

I pray that each of us takes all the Love from God they deserve as His Children and that they spread that Love to all.  Lay down that pack, keep walking, don’t lie down yet, but give up the burdens.  He is waiting to give you rest.

If we are going to struggle, let’s do it together.  It makes no sense for each of us to suffer, worry, triumph, battle or contend with the obstacles of this life unless we be in tandem.  And furthermore, there is no gratification in facing any gain or loss without approaching it thankfully.  Not out of some maudlin sense of mortality but since each thing, good or bad, when done in the Love of God will some how be used for His Glory.  What a concept that no matter the motivation of my Brother, even when mistaken if He loves God and walks according to His purpose that somehow the Lord will turn the outcome to His Good Use.  That means the lump in your chest, the bump on your head, the words that you said, the bride that you gained or the friends that you’ve lost will somehow be used for Glory.  In that understanding we are integrated, because even the things we meant for ill toward each other He will utilize in positive manner.  So thank You Lord for the bad and good that has been done me, this pain, these embarrassments, thrills, let downs and joys will all be used for our betterment through Your Good Will.

Now I ask of You, discernment Lord, so that my intentions are in line with Your Will and the kind, gentle care of my Brothers and Sisters.  Just because I know that You will miraculously transform or sway the effect of my haphazard or selfish actions in to something useful, please do not let me do the wrong thing with this knowledge.  I am also thankful for Your discipline and grateful that You will not allow me to get too far from You before sending emissary to call me home.  Your Grace is a broad river from which I never wish to depart.  Let me chart a course that is consistent with Your intention for my life.  Keep me safe and never let me lose sight of from whence my Blessings Come.  Praise You King Jesus for Your Sacrifice and Glory.

In earnest I looked upon a young man’s twitching smile and his pacing, I wondered.  He didn’t know what to say but had masterfully developed the oration skills necessary to pulling through just about any circumstance.  His convincing style, bright looks and charm had basically rescued him for every negative impact, conflict or potential beating.  He considered himself a survivor, having defeated all odds.  God watched him in silence again catching the arrows in his palm just before they sank into the young man’s back.

Jesus was on top of the world, looking down upon creation in silence waiting for the proper moment when He would come into the world to rescue us.  He knelt and prayed for us while all the planets, solar systems and galaxies simply existed as representation of His glory.  All He could think about was each of us waiting to be born, learning to discern, making choices that would eventually lead to an awesome encounter.  A destiny, not written by what we would do, earn, capture, crave or harm, but by that moment in time when we would have the initial interaction with our Creator.  Each of us frozen in time until that point when we saw the fire.  Knowing immediately the truth of all things and briefly living in the supernatural as we decided to accept that axiomatic Gospel or turn away accepting worldly explanation.

You see He didn’t have to come.  He didn’t have to create Lucifer, that beast who is now called satan.  He knew before time began exactly what the enemy would do and still He chose to call the devil into existence.  Doesn’t that give you some understanding of His awesome power and authority.  Which of us, knowing in advance all the future actions of our children’s enemies would allow them to breathe one lungful?  We are not like Him, His thoughts I cannot discover, interpret, change, predict, emulate or describe.  But I want to be like Him, for He is the greatest part of me, the breath, the spark, the Life.  The fact that He loves that young man enough to protect Him from even the unseen threats is all that I need to know.  For I am that young man as each of us must be in our attempts to conquer all that we survey.  That is before we have that moment of humility when we meet God and realize that we are not Him.

Wretched without condemnation a hard justification to manage.  Without your Love Lord I would be forlorn.  Putting on the shades, the mask, the smooth, tolerable visage of a man of good works, I fool myself briefly.  Thinking for moments that somehow this world is not all that bad and that somehow I may have reached a plateau of sufficiency on my own authority.  But I must and safely declare that I am worthy of nothing, there is no good thing within me but Christ Jesus.  Left to my own accord I will forever attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of humanity instead of simply wearing the wool as the adornment of a good sheep or caring for it as shepherd.  I am the sinner no matter how effective my argument otherwise.  The fire burns within me fueled by Your passion, Your Truth, Your actions, without that flame I would be frozen or consumed.  How is it that You could love such?

What manner of sham do each of us construct to disguise our own brand of charlatanry?  Each of us has his or her own private illusion into which the enemy thankfully injects supporting chicanery, discombobulation, fantasy and delusion.  My pride opens wide the door to paramnesia, because I wish to be blinded to the reality that I cannot tolerate, the simple fact that I am complicit in my own wickedness.  Yes, I said it.  It is my own internal pride, wickedness, illness and perversion that allows the enemy purchase into my drama.  The only iota of grace measured to me was that given by God, without it I was hopeless captive to this self-perpetuated nightmare I call “reason”.  My purpose is grander than a wasted life only because the Lord chose to find me in the pig pen I called home and gave me new clothes, linen and yes at times, sackcloth.  Thanks be to God that I am not defined by my own deserved reputation but that which has been made new by blessings and cleanliness of Christ.

I do not wish to be that wicked man and this simple act of contrition is what allows me to surrender.  Without that personal disgust and the desire for escalation I am lost because it is impossible to please God without faith, and faith impossible to achieve without repentance and belief in the saving Works of Jesus won upon the blessed cross.  That cross, only a tree or poorly constructed prison to bind the life of Jesus, became the pathway to freedom for the history of mankind.  That cross, only rough wood designed to accept the lashings and spikes, meant to steal from us the greatest gift ever given, but in reality giving us that gift through the most Divine Irony.  Even now to look upon that rudimentary device brings reflection that challenges even the most assured atheist.  It makes too much sense for the scientist and confounds the orator.  It is too simple in its construction, to be manufactured, too complicated to be the miracle of man.  Yes, I look upon that cross and mourn the cruelty of men just like me, but instantly I am refreshed in that understanding my own deficiency I can accept His Sufficiency.  I am free in Christ, hidden in Christ, alive in Christ through our unified death upon that tree and eternal ascension.  I am here suffering my own iniquity but not alone.  I am hidden in His mercy, sheltered by His Righteousness, made whole by His Justification and full of Hope because He made certain the promise of my salvation.  Praise You Father, forgive me yet again.  I pray the day when I stop sinning and perhaps can be at peace with this gift that I do not deserve.  Thank you for doing what You alone could have done.

I’ve lost my Mom!!  Please forgive me Father for this initial reaction.  My heart hurts, the door which brought me into this world and gave me protection, love, kindness and nurture has closed.  You have chosen to close that door, and I am struggling in my imperfection to feel anything but loss.  But please stay with me as those selfish feelings of personal impact turn into reflection upon her grace, love and strength.  Allow me to see through losing such a dear person you have shown me how truly blessed we were to have called her our Mother.  Let me see those things that she planted and grew on her journey through this life instead of concentration upon the enormous void left from her passing.  Having benefited so much from her love I cannot blame You for wanting her there with You.  Bless You for allowing us to experience that relationship for these few short years.  May she find peace and rest sitting there with You waiting for us to join her.

Some called her Margaret, some Miss Peggy but we just called her Mom.  Some knew her intimately as the woman who felt so deeply about things that she would have to sit in silence being overwhelmed by emotion.  Others knew her briefly as the lady who cared enough to stop and whisper something encouraging to someone fallen in the street, giving them the courage to get up and try again.  Many experienced her love each time they came into contact with her as they picked up medicine at the pharmacy for their sick child, aging Father or weak heart.  Some of us, the fortunate few knew all of these aspects of this complicated woman even that woman who would make you grow up quickly by telling you “the whole truth and nothing but the truth”.  Regardless of which woman each of us knew, Margaret, Peggy or Mom she made each of us better.  She had enough room in her life for all of us.  I am amazed at the stories from people we never knew of the effect Mom had upon their life just by caring enough to tell them that they weren’t alone.  Whether it was a wink, a hug, a kind word or a solid word of discipline she was always there to demonstrate her love for us by participating in whatever we were experiencing.

Life was not always easy on Mom.  She had a great love for one man that was never easy and cost her more than any of us care to venture.  She suffered the pains of difficult and stubborn children who challenged her and brought her equal measure of frustration and pride.  I know this because I own many of the gray hairs that graced her wise brow.  Thankfully, she did not have to watch any of her children pass from this life before her.  She had health, wealth and relationship difficulties that often appeared to be more than one person could handle, but she did.  She had the best and the worst of this life.  She had tremendous long term friendships with so many family, colleagues and mates.  Sometimes it was all too much for her and like most of us she would have to run and hide with You Lord until the storms had passed, but she always got back in the fight, kept going, never quit.  She was a model of that ability to do what must be done each day, regardless of the challenges or circumstances in order to take care of her family and her responsibilities.  She had that tenacity it takes to overcome this life and all that it throws at us.  She was a winner and many of us have the courage to keep on kicking as a bi-product of Mom’s unrelenting dedication.  She took care of us when we couldn’t find the strength to go on because that is what she was, a good friend, a loving partner, a Mom.

Father thank You for loving us enough to send us such a great Mother.  As in most blessings we may not see all the benefits of that relationship until she has been long passed, but in this moment we clearly see how she improved our lives, giving us hope, courage and love.  We know that You love her so much that You couldn’t wait to see her and that she is smiling down on us even now wishing us well and reminding us we’re not alone.  We thank You Lord that she has finally found rest in Your Loving Embrace.  Let us remember dearly the lessons she left us and not forget the joy of her smile, the strength of her courage and tenderness of the love she had for each of us.  We have been honored by her participation in our lives.  We love you Mom and celebrate your life.  Father be with those of us who struggle to find comfort in this moment of chaos.  Let us find rest in Your Loving Arms.  We Look forward to that day when we will meet Mom again and share that peace she now enjoys.